Life's Rests

John Ruskin 1819-1900

There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it. In our whole life-melody the music is broken off here and there by ''rests,'' and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune. God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives, and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator.

How does the musician read the rest? See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between.

Not without design does God write the music of our lives. But be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the ''rests.''

They are not to be slurred over nor to be omitted, nor to destroy the melody, nor to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear.


--John Ruskin, the greatest Victorian bar Victoria, was an artist, scientist, poet, environmentalist, philosopher, and the pre-eminent art critic of his time

DOING LIFE

"You also have to turn on the switch, nobody is going to do it for you."

Two little sentences from William Zinsser's book, On Writing Well, became the current supplied to my faulty switch plate that for years I had reasoned was operating more or less in the dimmer switch mode rather than just plain off. I knew I had the capability or maybe just desire to go full throttle but couldn't grasp the idea that perhaps the wiring wasn't even making connection. So...it was an inspiring idea. Turn the light on silly and maybe you will get the current flowing and get some clarity to what is left of your time here. Lot's of wasted years, but it's never to late to start.

OK...I wrote that in one of my many fifteen minutes of inspiration modes and when I read it today I took a big sigh and said, yeah, you did it again. I think what I'm really grappling with is purpose and feeling what Eric Liddell expressed in the movie Chariots Of Fire..."I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure."

As one of my favorite authors Dan Stone said, "Our humanity is God's asset."
I'm starting to realize that God needs us as much as we need Him and if we are going to function on the human level we must at some point come to grips with that notion or else "continue to live lives of quiet desperation." He has designed us to express Him, so why is it so difficult? It takes such a load off your mind when you realize you are only an outward expression of an inward God. I think I have this quote by Thomas Merton written in my journal at least three times, not remembering I had written it before "Esteemed friends, birds of noble lineage. I have no message to you except this: be what you are, be birds. Thus you will be your own sermon to yourselves."

The total you; the one that speaks your mind, your emotions, your hopes, your fears, needs a body and this is the only one you're going to get. So why do I cower in the corner afraid to take the leap??

I got so moved watching a show yesterday on Oprah about a woman that left her 2 yr.old daughter in her 100 degree car for 8hrs. Her mind was elsewhere that day when she switched routines with her husband who usually takes the baby to the sitter. In a scattered moment instead of going to the sitter she stopped to pick up donuts for her fellow workers and then just continued on to work, forgetting that her daughter was in the car. I only hope that God took her spirit quickly, maybe while she was asleep in those first hours. But can you imagine the grief and torment this woman has been through? I have done similar things myself and know that "there but for the grace of God go I." I've left my children standing in the rain waiting to be picked up from school because I was too consumed at the restaurant. I've lost track of my four yr.old while I was chatting on the phone with a friend, only to find him standing in the highway near our house. Yes... that's our humanness that will be ever with us and though my situations have not proven to be that tragic....they came close.

Thank God this woman is deciding to USE IT. That is all any of us can do with our lives. Stop seeing ourselves as a liability, as if there is something more that needs to happen or something we have to do to be an asset to God. What you despise about yourself can become a blessing to someone else. It is so much a mind thing to see what you feel is a lack or defect in yourself and instead see that this very thing might attract some people toward you. There were many expressions of compassion for this family, as they all could relate to this horrible experience and felt that her story was a warning signal for them to SLOW DOWN!!! A sacrifice so that others may live. I think God really does feel pleasure when we rest in Him regardless of what dips and turns He takes us through...the highs and the very,very lows. It all matters.

So I'm thinking my daily activities should follow some pattern if I'm alert enough to see it. I've gotten myself into a lull lately. On the one hand, it's a time of life for me where I am free to do anything I choose but for some reason I can't seem to put my finger on what the image of that choice looks like. I do know that when I take a breath and stop the condemning voice and turn the music on, it soothes my soul and gets me a little closer to what lies ahead. I like this from Dan Stone:

"Thank God for your humanity. Thank God for your parents even for the difficult things that you inherited from them. God used them to help make you the perfect instrument you are. Thank God for you warts because He's going to make them a blessing in someone else's life. You come to a place of inner peace, knowing that the warts..the imperfections that constitute your outer humanity are the very things that some brother,sister,boy or girl will be able to get a hold of. They'll be able to relate to that wart. And as they do, they'll receive the Life that lives in you. Take back your humanity as the dwelling place of the Most High God."

Thank God for your humanity......and who knows what will emerge!!

FOR BEN

I FOUND IT!!!
Ben has been asking me to find this moment in time for a month now and I finally found the time to go through my many,many journals and voila!! So glad I have written down our life over all these years. It really is the journey of us.

excerpt from my journal 8-2-91

Feelings of anxiety and frustration are mounting as I try to cope with these crowded living conditions and the lack of privacy I feel living next to the restaurant. The boys are restless and literally bouncing off the walls and beds. After dinner and baths I tucked Ben in his bed and fell down exhausted beside him. I hate these feelings of desperation that seem to ooze out of me and spill all over the children. I see so clearly that they absorb only what you give them. Help me Lord to let your perfect love be the love that they receive and not my tired,worn out sometimes angry emotions. I received a revelation or maybe just an overwhelming realization that I am wasting my children's life away...especially Ben. What a little sponge he is. He joyfully soaks up the beauty of life... if I would only give it to him. I absorb myself in my own thoughts and feelings and sometimes fail to see what is under my nose. I have been experimenting with story telling the past few nights. Instead of the typical book to read I've been weaving fairy tales but making them more personal and tailor made to fit each child. Oh how they love it!! The look on Ben's face last night as I spoke some magical words that painted a picture in his mind was interesting. He literally froze in mid air and seemed caught in wonder and then he did the sweetest thing....he reached over and took my head in his hands and kissed my forehead. I just lay there thinking of the opportunity I'm missing to mold a life, to expose a tiny soul to the beauty of the world. I am sorely missing it. I expose them more to my anger and frustrations than anything else. I've got to get a hold of this before it's to late. Thank you God for showing me how much it all matters.

a quote by I'm not sure who:

"A door opens in the center of our being and we seem to fall through it into immense depths which although they are infinite and are all accessible to us; all eternity seems to have become ours in this one placid and breathless contact."

THE SENSE OF LIFE

We're in the fast lane this month with many things crammed into just a few weeks. Our week in Hilton head has come and gone. Few pics here to mark the event. Four wonderful days spent with Bethany and Brian over the Labor Day weekend. Seeing my dear daughter is like embracing an old friend. As familiar and comforting as a warm hug. Gone are the feelings of judgement that parents are so easy to fall into. The ongoing urge to advise and correct,the never ending cloak of worry and fear from lack of trust that plagues a concerned mother......no more of that. There comes a time when a child reaches a stage of life where they have taken flight and are soaring on their own and you just happen at certain intervals to meet in the air! Not all of the children are at this place in life so it is a relaxing and pleasurable experience to come together with one who has. The big aide in operating out of relationship is knowing that this child is no longer your child but God's child. When you see that God has the reigns of their life, it is much easier to sit back and enjoy the journey.

So a journey it was, our week in Hilton Head. Glorious ocean,breathtaking blue skies,sandy beaches,food,laughter and fun. We even made a trip to Charleston and hit a few of our favorite spots. With every visit we get to know Bethany's love, Brian, a little better and realize what a wonderful God loving man he is. That familiar thud in my stomach came Monday morning as I realized in a few hours we would be saying goodbye. I've gotten better at letting go, God is working with me on that, but it's never easy. We slid back into the groove on Wed. as we headed back up the mountain and Ira was off to a car auction and I prepared for some dreaded medical tests that my diligent doctor insisted I take. I come from the perspective of "invincible woman" and so rarely go to the doctor. I'm never sick and truly operate out of God's life in me but forget that there is a human covering that houses this Spirit and it is subject to the elements of this atmosphere. I so don't like acknowledging that but it's true, so after five years I bit the bullet and went the whole nine yards of testing and it was a testing. Blood tests,pap smears,mammograms,colonoscopy...Yuck!! I moved into that world that is surrounded by fear and loathing. A big scare with the report of a spot on my mammogram that looked suspicious. Several other things that could be something but were not. The typical jerking around of my faith. I admit I fall for it and also admit that it is necessary to establish my foundation. Surrender is a big word that is taking on an even bigger role in my life these days. Surrender means you are not in control. It means that you have given permission for something greater or lesser to have control. I think you have to surrender to something or someone, as self-reliance is a form of independence from God which is how this whole thing got started.

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."(Joshua 24:15)

I call serving the Lord a good thing, so what's to worry?? A big relief came
yesterday when after the ordeal of the colonoscopy was behind me (pun intended)I was given a green light on all accounts. Through it all, God has been stirring a new business/ministry idea that deals with suffering in my heart and these events have only confirmed it. I know that when we are surrendered to the Lord we can be sure our God and Father our Comforter and Protector is always up to something and it's always for His glory which means that if I had not gotten a good report it would still be true because He says in His word,

"We know that in all things God works for our good to those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

The good, the bad and the ugly are all transformed in the Light but it's walking in the Light that is the challenge. It ain't easy!!! Sometimes the bigger issues seem easier than the small stuff. Help me God to shine as I do errands today, meet with a possible new real estate client,do yard work and clean the house. Confirm or put out the fire of yearning I have for this new business idea. I know it could just be a restlessness or the beginning of a new day so let me always be in a state of surrender to Your will and Your way.....and a little p.s...keep us all safe in this crazy world we live in!

OFF TO THE BEACH

Not much between here and there except we are getting ready to go on vacation and I'm excited!!! Leaving tomorrow for Hilton Head for a whole week and also get to be with Bethany and Brian which is what I'm most excited about. Haven't seen her in a long time and we have lot's of things planned for the weekend. Hope and pray that the weather holds out. So far it looks like we're OK but you never know with these storms in the forecast. Even so, we will do lots of laughing eating,games,cards,movies and of course be watching the big ASU/LSU game on Sunday, God willing. Eli and Jill will be front and center so please God either still the waters or give all people involved in the path of fury time to make appropriate arrangements. I don't know if it's me in my constant concern for everyone or the world is spinning at a faster speed these days but it seems there is always something brewing that spells disaster. Our faith should be the anchor that keeps us steady even when the boat is rocking so I keep that in mind as we all move in different directions. Keep us all safe Lord under your wing of protection. Packing the car up and off we go!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Three things there are too wonderful for me,
Four which I do not comprehend,
The way of an eagle in the air,
The way of a snake on a rock,
The way of a ship in the midst of the sea,
And the way of a man with a maid
.
proverbs 30:18-19


Today is our anniversary and so a good time to reflect on marriage and the tapestry that is being woven these past 38 yrs. It's a good thing every once in awhile to reflect. Maybe every year on the eve of 365 days of hanging on for dear life, I'll remember to take a moment and take stock of what's gone down. It can be my little ritual.

I think I just recently started to understand how complex and deep this marriage business is and what God had in mind when He said, "It's not good for man to be alone." I moved into that position at a very young age, so there has not been much time spent without my soul mate. I've always known marriage is not about the joining of two people so much as the two people becoming one but it sure has taken me a long time to totally comprehend that revelation. The past few months it started to sink in and latched on like never before. Maybe the reflection is coming on strong because we are approaching the wedding of Eli and Jill and as they begin this marriage journey, you so want to pass on any nuggets you have learned if only to warn of upcoming pitfalls; kind of like blinking your lights to oncoming cars to warn of a speed trap. I'm always very grateful of that but then I shouldn't be speeding in the first place. But we do speed and we do make mistakes and I know that that is a part of the process. While I groan, God builds. I’ve found that keeping the adventure and excitement is an important part of our relationship. Life can get a little boring at times. Same old same old so I think we are going to to something daring today and go canoe the New. We've had many wonderful memories boating and tubing down the New River, it's truly a beautiful and fun way to spend an afternoon. In the past we have always gone with friends and family but today we'll go alone...just the two of us. There are some things I want to discuss with Ira about marriage and I feel like I'll have a captive audience as it takes about 3 hrs. from start to finish. The main thing I want to share on this most hallowed day is that I see so clearly now that the relationship between what's going on with Ira and I is very similar to what's going on in my relationship with the Lord, almost like a temperature gauge. I've been feeling a little distant lately with Ira, seems like the surface stuff gets priority and our connection time always comes last. I've been feeling that with the Lord as well. I know it's not Him that moved but nevertheless I feel it. Could it be that easy when He says "draw close to me and I will draw close to you". A big part of my floundering these days is this mid-life transition. Don't like it at all!!! Thirty eight years of non-stop activity, five wild and crazy kids, four of them boys (mothers of boys will sympathize), the insane life of owning a restaurant for 21 yrs., the real estate profession, two dogs that walked the walk with us and then all of a sudden one day.......silence. Kids gone, business sold, even the dogs died and here we are two aging...which isn't fun...old farts starring at each other saying, "now what???"

I realize that this hump is a necessary part of the relationship between God and man and with each other so I'm trying patiently to stop asking the age old question of "are we there yet??" too much. I have to remind myself that this is a journey with a beginning,a middle and an end. Middle can be good. Middle can be adventurous, middle can be exciting but middle can also be scary. I found this poem written on an old piece of parchment paper, tucked in a book in an antique store years ago and bought it for 50 cents. I had it framed and gave it to Ira last year on this day. We had a beautiful anniversary dinner surrounded by all the children at Dominic's in a private little gazebo with the sun setting into the mountains. It was the first time one of the children picked up the whole tab, which is a milestone. A beautiful witness of love and relationships and the reward in my eyes of faith and perseverance . It sums up the long journey and says in short, the person we love is inevitably a cross, as well as being a helper in the carrying of the cross. We journey on together with no map and that can by frustrating at times. I want to know where I'm going, darn it!! God just whispers in my ear.....trust me, you're going to like it. I've given you on earth, a friend, a buddy,someone to make you laugh, someone to comfort you, someone to protect you, someone who will stick with you through thick and thin, someone to share the joy of the journey with, someone to love on this earth and then.....who knows when that time will come......I'll take over from that point on. Pretty good deal.

I am very blessed


TOGETHER STILL

IT HASN'T BEEN EASY TO MAKE THE CLIMB,
BUT THE WAY WAS EASED BY YOUR HAND IN MINE.

LIKE THE MOUNTAINS, OUR LIFE HAS HAD RIPPLES TOO,
ILL-HEALTH,AND WORRIES, AND PAYMENTS DUE,
WITH HAPPY PAUSES ALONG THE WAY,
A GRADUATION, A RAISE IN PAY.

AT THE FOOT OF THE SLOPE, WE WILL STOP AND REST,
LOOK BACK, IF YOU WISH, WE'VE BEEN TRULY BLESSED,
WE'VE BEEN SPARED THE GRIEF OF BEING TORN APART
BY DEATH OR DIVORCE OR A BROKEN HEART.

THE VIEW AHEAD IS ONE OF THE BEST,
JUST A LITTLE BIT FARTHER AND THEN WE CAN REST.

SUMMER DINNER ON THE FARM

Got together with some old friends last night. Beautiful evening spent laughing and eating way to much. We're always amazed to see all the progress that Steve and Lisa make on their property from month to month. We had a great time catching up. Tomorrow we're off to Atlanta for a few days for some car shopping. Hope we don't get caught in the aftermath of Hurricane Faye. We might be able to get in and out before the bad weather creeps north. You never know what to expect these days. The only thing I know for sure is that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8) My comfort is in knowing that I've surrendered to the fact that God has a plan for me and I only pray that He will keep our journey filled with adventure and a happy heart. Our friendships make the journey so much more fun. We really celebrated each other last night.

THE MATCHLESS DISCOVERY

Each individual will make a matchless discovery. He will be able to cease from constantly scrutinizing the other person, judging him, condemning him, putting him in his particular place where he can gain ascendancy over him and thus doing violence to him as a person. Now he can allow the brother to exist as a completely free person, as God made him to be. His view expands and, to his amazement, for the first time he sees, shining within his brethren, the richness of God's creative glory. God did not make this person as I would have made him. He did not give him to me as a brother for me to dominate and control, but in order that I might find within him the Creator. Now the other person, in the freedom with which he was created, becomes the occasion of joy, whereas before he was only a nuisance and an affliction.

God does not will that I should fashion the other person according to the image that seems good to me, that is, in my own image; rather in his very freedom from me God made this person in His image. I can never know beforehand how God's image should appear in others. That image always manifests a completely new and unique form that comes solely form God's free and sovereign creation. To me the sight may seem strange, even ungodly. But God creates every man in the likeness of His Son, the Crucified. After all, even that image certainly looked strange and ungodly to me before I grasped it.

Strong and weak, wise and foolish, gifted or ungifted, pious or impious, the diverse individuals in the community are no longer incentives for talking and judging and condemning, and thus excuses for self-justification. They are rather cause for rejoicing in one another and serving one another.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his book Life Together

GO U.S.A.!!!!

Why is it so hard to find the time to be consistent with this blog. I have good intentions every day to write a little something and then it always gets pushed down to the bottom of the list. This fabulous weather isn't helping. Here in the N.C. mountains we have been getting a touch of fall which feels so great. It actually was in the high 40's last night. For some reason I couldn't sleep and was up at 3:30 watching the Olympics which have been so fun to watch. The opening ceremonies were like none I've ever seen and given me such awe and appreciation for the Chinese people. I mean the words talent and creativity don't come close to describing their gifts. Got this picture off the Internet at a site called Boston.com which have some fabulous photo's of the ceremony





I wish I had my camera handy last night to capture the expression on this big raccoon that decided to pay me a visit at 4am. He climbed way up to my porch and was looking for who knows what. Didn't find much except my pineapple plant that he was ready to pull off the table until I rapped on the window and he bolted. Before that he came right up to the glass door and just stared at me. Didn't seem a bit afraid though my hair was standing up on the back of my neck. It's funny how freaked out we get with wild animals from the smallest little bee to the larger variety.

Well I'm off to a picnic with my husband and three of the boys. Beautiful night so we're going to cook out at Price Lake which is so convieniently located around the corner. Hope to get some new pictures. Haven't taken any in so long. Josh and Gabe both just got new guitars and I'm anxious to hear some of their new music. I'm going to be better at this blog thing...promise.

B & B IN ITALY

Not a whole lot going on these hot July days. Love this picture of Bethany and Brian from their Italian vacation album. Bethany did such a great job with her photo's, so much so that I felt like I had taken the trip with them. Check out this site if you are contemplating a trip to Italy. Seems like it's not quite as expensive as other parts of the country. Maybe a good place for Eli and Jill for "the honeymoon."

http://www.trullosolari.com/solari_gallery.html

Ira and i just returned from a few days in Atlanta. Very hot and not a very productive trip as far as car buying goes but we had fun. Stayed at our favorite Hyatt Hotel in Buckhead and no trip to Atlanta would be complete until we stopped at Trader Joe's.
Loaded up on Two Buck Chuck,nuts,coffee and my favorite Italian Grapefruit Soda. I LOVE Trader Joe's!! My other favorite is Costco. My cupboards are quite full at the moment. Makes it easier to not have to go to the grocery store as much. Next weekend we are doing our camping thing again. I've got my little storehouse of camping gear,tent and camp stove and will gather up all our "stuff" this week. Here we are a few weeks ago at Price Lake. We have this fabulous state park right around the corner from us. So close that I forgot to bring candles and we just ran home to get them. Ira thinks we need to go farther away but I say what for, when you feel like your miles away but the drive back is only minutes. We always have fun, no matter where we go. Josh stopped by for dinner with Nigel. This time we might stay two nights and throw in some boating on Sunday. Life is good!!

HAPPY DAYS

I’ve been having the writing bug lately. Bought myself a new notebook and a pen that looked very sleek and fine pointed but seem to just be staring at the tools of the trade rather than putting them to good use. So I’ll do my blog!! I have been busy with my boys. I guess mothering them is a good way to put it. Spent two days in Wilmington with Ben that will be tucked away as a very pleasant memory. It began with my having to drive him back to school after the July 4th long weekend. All of the children except Bethany were here for our annual party as well as my friend Suzanne from Jacksonville and her friend Ellen. When all the excitement of the few days came to an end, we realized that we had to get Ben back to school, which is a five hour trip, before Monday’s classes. Since I’m not on the nine to five schedule, I seemed to be the best option. Ira and I had moved him into his little house on Park St. back in Aug. but we really haven’t been there since so I kind of had a hint that his little house might need some fluffing up. Oh yeah.....big time fluffing! I put on my rubber gloves and dug in. After a few hours we had a clean house, spotless bathroom, a toilet that you wanted to sit on and various other improvements, including a washer and dryer I found on Craig’s List. These boys actually don’t even notice these things but it does a mother’s heart good to restore some sense of cleanliness and order to the environment. A trip to Costco made a huge improvement to the pantry. I think, but am not sure, that he might be able to get through the semester with the essentials, being peanut butter and macaroni and cheese. I love Costco for the fact that I know he will not run out of toilet paper, toothpaste, soap and such; everything comes in such large quantities. Next day was our beach day, where he could finally show me his moves on the surfboard he got a few Christmas’s ago. So happy to just be hanging out with this precious son of mine. We got lots of sun and got back in time for him to get to class. We stayed up till 3am that night listening to all our favorite music and he and his roommate played guitar and sang some of their newest pieces they are working on. Took a bunch of his friends out to dinner at a seaside restaurant. Just a fabulous collection of small moments that cemented the bond that has always been there.

So yesterday, a week later, I moved into a very similar story with Gabe, my 24 yr. old. He just rented a beautiful little log cabin perched on a 3 acre hillside overlooking the valley and I wanted to help him do the same.....fluff! We carted things in, hung a few pictures. He had already gotten most of the furniture in and it was looking great. We stopped at Lowes and picked up several ferns, and a palm plant for the corner then headed for the grocery store and did a repeat from the past week. Tons of groceries, things he in his frugal ways would never buy. Just spoiled him a little, which feels so good. After putting all the goods away, we sat on his porch, had a beer and talked about life and love and then we prayed for his little chunk of the world and for all the new adventures God has in store for us all. I drove down the winding driveway around 7pm with tears of gratitude in my eyes for the blessing of these five children that God has given me. Each one, so unique and individual. Each one a lover of you God and each one dedicated to becoming an authentic expression of who they are in You.... I respect that so much. Every wrong turn or difficult path they have taken has only served to teach them the straight and narrow and I feel so much more confident that they are beginning to fly.

A few weeks ago a little sparrow made a nest in my hanging basket in the carport and when I went to get in the car, I noticed that her almost ready to fly baby had fallen out of the nest and looked to be smashed on the concrete floor. In horror we picked it up and really didn’t know what to do......the only thing moving was it’s little beak, slowly opening and closing. Ira had thoughts of putting it out of it’s misery but we couldn’t imagine that, so we took it inside and wrapped it in a warm towel and prayed for new life. Well, new life did indeed come in time. The next morning, it was sitting upright and so we put it back in the nest and mama soon came back to claim her own. We were overjoyed of course but realized how hard it is sometimes to fly. Many false starts and sometimes tragedy but the majority of God’s creatures,large and small, do find their way into the big wide world and many times soar!! I’ve been growing up these babies for 36 yrs. and I all of a sudden am realizing that maybe the real flight is just beginning. I have a big smile on my heart as I sit back and contemplate how great this next half of life is going to be.

THE GRAND FINALE

Slow going in the writing department. I think I am just starting to unwind from the past few weeks. Lots of company,too much partying and the big event of the July 4th week was the official engagement of Eli and Jill. He popped the question during the grand finale of the Blowing Rock July 4th fireworks extravaganza and it was just the best ending to a perfect weekend. I really believe that all of the marriage,grandchildren hoopla is just beginning for us. I have been wishing and praying for it to happen for so long and can now feel that energy in the air. I'm trying more these days to live in the moment rather than regretting the past or worse running ahead with my own ideas for the future. Even though I don't agree totally with Eckhart Tolle who wrote The Power of Now, his words have given me insight into walking in the Spirit. There really is POWER in trusting God in the now. So....my anxious plea's for my children are exactly that...anxious plea's that serve only to make me crazy. Of course God knows that I am in a much better state of mind and age to enjoy what lies ahead than ever before.

So...one down and four more to go.

OH MY!!!

Where has all the time gone??? The summer is whipping by at such a fast pace. Our big event of Eli's 30th surprise birthday party has come and gone. In a nutshell it was fabulous!! Jill had planned this birthday weekend for months ahead and it all went over without a hitch. He truly was surprised. About 30 of his friends and family from all over the country came together to celebrate Eli. We had a great time exploring Pittsburgh, a very cool city, and finally got a chance to meet many of Jill's family. Good food,fun,lots of laughter and so much love and happiness made it a weekend we will all remember. I'm making a book of all the photographs but here are a few peeks.

Life has been busy. The car business has been busy,keeping Ira and Gabe running. A friend and I are scouting around looking for a place to do a dessertery or maybe a small cafe. The weather has been beautiful and we are enjoying our little house overlooking the mountains. I've also got a guy that is going to help me make a web page for real estate just to get a few more leads. Lots of irons in the fire. Was so looking forward to Bethany and Brian coming for our big July 4th party but noooo.....they are instead going on an unexpected trip to Italy so we're sad but thrilled that they will have this opportunity. That's all the short news. Will try to find my way back here in the next few weeks. Chow

BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE COUNTRY

Last Sunday we did some major R&R and spent the day with our friends Steve and Lisa on their newly acquired farm in Ashe County. I posted a picture of the sweet little farm house last fall and we were eager to see what they have done with the property since then. Wow.....is all I can say. In that short amount of time they have perfected almost every inch of the 40 acre spread. We rounded the bend to see the most fabulous home sitting on the hill overlooking the valley. Their horse, Jesse, greeted us as we pulled in the drive and ran with us as we neared the entrance. Super greeting for an animal lover. We had such a great day. Marveling over all the beautiful work they have done, inside and out. Lots of food,wine and fellowship made a perfect day. Took about an hour to get home. Picture is of the new house with the little farmhouse, which is now the guest house, in the distance and I like the one of Abigail sitting in the truck.

This week finds us scurrying around buying cars for the lot,getting ready for the Memorial weekend and Ira's birthday on Sunday. We are so happy to be back in the mountains and have no regrets about leaving Fla. I truly do not know what that two years was about but I know everything happens for a reason so I'm going to leave it at that. Our friendship with our dearest friends in Fla. took a hit which at first made me very sad but all is forgiven and I've come to a place of peace with the big WHY??? I like this piece from Dan Stone. I taped it to my refrigerator about 20 yrs. ago and still say a "yes" in my Spirit when I read it, so it's a true thing for me. Blessings to all.




Walking in the Light
Dan Stone

When it dawns on you that you truly are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and that He lives and walks in you, you begin to see all life from God's point of view. You are no longer hung up on good and evil as absolutes. You begin to see that the human situation, or what some call the ''facts'' of life, is nothing but God's necessary prerequisite for His Self-revelation. So you are always looking for God in every situation. As Jesus said, if your eye is single your whole body is full of light. You are full of light because you see only One person operating in all of life's situations. But as long as you are asking, ''Is this good? Is this bad?'' you are in darkness. To call it God if it looks good, and to say it isn't God if it looks bad, is darkness.

God has met me three times in my life with great truths, and I was in hell all three times! He had to get me into hell before He could show me something about Himself. It's the aggravating situations in life that get our attention. But they are not ab­solutes. They are merely God's calling-card.

I don't know of one single occasion when Jesus got up off His straw pallet in the morning, stretched, and said, ''Oh, I feel so good today, I think I'll do a dozen miracles.'' But sometimes that's the way we act. We're going to get up today to do some­thing for someone. He may not ask us to do it, but we're going out to do good deeds. Jesus never did that. He never went out to do a single good deed. The situation of need drew forth the ac­tion. If there had never been a need, there would never have been a miracle. There had to be a negative to draw forth the positive. There has to be evil so that we can see God's love for us.

Just after I posted my Mothers Day words I got this most beautiful letter from the youngest of the troop, Ben. I don't think money could buy a greater gift than this. It truly is one of the most heart warming gifts I've ever received. I know they all feel that way but Ben, your words spoke volumes. Thank you so much. I love you all more than life.



Mother Nature....Happy Mothers Day!!!

I was going to drive home this weekend to surprise you, but the ole Oceanic wouldnt let me. I feel like its been forever since ive seen you and I'm not happy about that. Anyways, I wanted to let you know on this special day that I love you so much and i really miss you. You are a very big inspiration to me and I realize more and more each day how important you are to me and what an influence you have on everything I do. Whether it be a song I am writing or just a conversation I have with my friends,your words speak through me. By the way I just wrote a song called "Jesus Dont Leave Us Alone" and I think you're gonna like it. You have made me into the man that I am today and I could not thank you enough. I am getting to a place in my life now where I really feel that the Lord is taking over. I dont feel scared anymore. I am finally feeling secure in every step I take and I have you to thank for that. You have put up with so much of my crap and somehow have always been there for me. I really wish I could be home right now to give you a huge hug and a kiss but hopefully I will be there soon enough.I love you more than words can say

Your Son, Benjamin Giovara

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

Came across these words and thought it appropriate on this day. Several years ago I gave each child a framed copy. Happy Day to all the mothers out there. I hope you know how much you are loved.


Mother
Unknown

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way? she asked. And the guide said: "yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning." But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."

Then the night came and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, " A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said," This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength."

And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And the mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them. "And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her.

And they said, "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."

Your Mother is always with you. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...not even death.

SMILES

Looking back over photographs and I smile at the happy faces of my family. I treasure each expression and am so thankful that we all belong together and that I see how each child clings to the other for comfort and support. For all the hectic and chaotic years of raising five children, I now see how rewarding it is to witness the bond that they have with each other. The days have been quiet for the past few weeks, as Ira and I settle into our mountain life. It's almost like the calm before the storm as I know once we commit to the new business ventures ahead it will be busy, busy. The weather has been perfect. I have been enjoying picking out plants for the porch and placing my many bird feeders. I truly have a bird sanctuary on my deck. The variety of birds amazes me. You would think they flew in from some pet store. I sit on my couch in the early morning with my books and coffee and just watch the show. I'm having a hard time with the big black crows that want to ruin everything. They swoop in and make a mess of the feeders, knocking everything over and scaring all the little guys away but I'm also sensitive that they want to eat also, so I leave them big chunks of bread and peanuts. So far it seems to be working.
Easy,peasy days that I know are coming to an end. Monday morning is the start of our new business so my writing might get pushed to the background. Until then.....

BACK HOME AGAIN

Wow, it's been so long. We ended our trials and tribulations in the South and have now settled back into our home in the mountains. We arrived a few weeks ago and after a few days of confusion and endless activity to try to carve some order out of it all, we did it!!! We had a whole household of STUFF to cram into any empty corner and the rest we put in a rented storage shed. The season lies before us and we will move into whatever God has lined up for us to do. Never, never did I see this time coming. When you are young you just don't foresee the future. You react in the present and you just do whatever it takes to keep the ball rolling. I guess I didn't expect that this shift in time and age would bring about another crossroad. But here we are and I really do feel very optimistic about it all. Ira and I are very much in love, we have five beautiful children that are in the throws of making it in this world, and most of all we have the love and protection of our God that is always with us in all our decisions, so it's all good.

Read the best book yesterday. The Shack by William Young. Such an amazing book. Kind of like a spiritual experience reading it. I cried, I laughed, I sat back and analyzed my beliefs. I felt closer to what God has been speaking to me these past few years; almost like a confirmation that I'm not crazy. It's been a long journey, taking the high road and being rejected by mainstream Christianity but I have to say I have never wavered or done anything contrary to who I am. This book was like a YES to my feelings of alienation from religion and it felt good. Ira has been out of town for several days and this is my time to retreat into the things that make me tick without any guilt. Very therapeutic!!!

First of the week we will both jump back into the working world and get busy with real estate and cars/stock market. New plan is to make a little more cash before we really drop out. I'm on the look out for a big chuck of land to build a self sufficient community with a restaurant on the property. We will know it, when we see it. A great way to tie the bow on the package!!

FAREWELL TO FLORIDA

Well, we are packing it up and making all the last minute arrangements for our departure on Friday. I am having mixed feelings of anticipation and regret. There have been so many experiences that I've grown to love here in the deep south and leaving will not be as easy as I thought. I hope that next winter will bring new adventures, somewhere sunny and warm but at this point we don't know where that might be. For now, we know that we have a lot of work to do in the mountains. Both Ira and I are going to jump back into the work arena as retirement has become rather boring. We are up for anything so it should be interesting! Along with the ending of our three years in Tavares, we are also mourning the loss of our beloved Bess. After three weeks of indecision and living with the constant dread of knowing the inevitable, we just did it. The tumor had grown so large in her stomach that it was hard for her to lay down. She remained a trooper...still wagging her tail and walking, not running, to get her tennis ball. When she stopped eating, we knew we didn't have long. And so you make the journey to the vet and do the unthinkable. I've been through it once before and I don't think it ever gets easier. She went peacefully, almost a sigh of relief that her pain was over. I don't know if dogs go to heaven but I do know that Love is what life is made up of and she was deeply loved. If God can honor that Love for eternity, then I think our family will have a couple of wet kisses and hugs awaiting us when we arrive...maybe even a piercing stare from my very much loved iguana of eight years,Julius. I hope so.

Ira and I are really experiencing the empty nest. No kids, no animals....just the two of us. It seems so strange not to have something to fuss over. I think it takes some adjustment time to comprehend living your life as just two. In the past it seemed that every move we made had to be thought out and weighed against so many other people and pets. It's a bit liberating to think you can just decide and go. Since we are really not quite ready to go back yet, we might even just drop off our stuff and go to Hilton Head for a few weeks. Yeah, we can do that if we choose to. If we didn't have all this furniture to deal with, we would just go from here but this sale on the house came sooner than we expected.

So....off we go into the sunset!! I'll finish this at the other end.

ODE TO BESS

EASTER MORNING 3-23-08

Still pitch black outside. Waiting for the big event.....the rising Son. All alone this year. Not all the excitement of past years where we were hurriedly making ham biscuits and coffee, trying to not be late for our sunrise boat ride on the lake with Bob and Sue. This year finds us in such a different circumstance. Just the two of us and somewhat disillusioned with the very unusual direction our life has taken. God help me to be content with what you are doing in our life at this time. I feel so burdened with all the change that's going on. It's not all happy change,in fact it's change that hurts. Our precious pooch Bess is dying before our eyes and I can barely handle it. A huge football size tumor in her lower abdomen. Yesterday I felt the shift that I guess I've inwardly known was coming. I felt the weight of that enormous tumor all day as if my waist had expanded and I'd gained 20lbs. She looked so uncomfortable as she trekked along with us to the beach. One last look at the ocean for all of us. In a matter of weeks we will be back in the mountains, with this part of our life here in Fla. remembered only in photographs. We had lunch at JP's Fish Camp and Bess laid so quiet on the concrete floor under my feet,lifting her head to a few little kids that stopped by to pet her. I fed her bits and pieces of my fish sandwich but her walk back to the car, tells me she's not up to par. It must be so uncomfortable with something that large sitting in your stomach. By the time we got home, she seemed to be moving so much slower. I gave her two pain pills and just laid with her, patting her head until she settled down on her bed of sofa cushions that Ira made for her. Now I wait this Easter morning for a miracle that I have to admit my weak faith is teetering on. I decided in the wee hours of the morning that all you have promised us God, is that you will be there with us THROUGH the difficult times. We pray so hard for you to remove the heavy weights that life deals to us but all you have really said is that you will be with us as we walk through them. God with us...that's it. The pain and suffering we must embrace. Embrace The Cross that song by Steve Green,has always been a favorite. I remember singing it to my sick iguana, Julius, years ago.

Just got a call at 7:35am from my baby boy, Ben, as I was sitting on the deck feeling very sad and weepy. What an Easter gift to me and so unusual to hear his voice so early. We talked for an hour. I cried, read him what I've written, cried,laughed, shared all that's going on in his life.....connected! Thanks God. I needed that on this Easter morning 2008.