SO THANKFUL

Been very slack the past few weeks with my writing. Just never enough time and when I do find I have an extra hour or two, I tend to spend it cleaning which is the thankless task that seems to never have any finality to it. Our horse of a dog is now becoming somewhat of a problem. Either we get a bigger house on about ten acres or we resign ourselves to a life of constant aggravation,dog hairs and wear and tear on the house that an animal this large inevitably brings. What were we thinking??? But oh the other side of the coin.....the joy and love that he brings which has made me realize these past few weeks, that there are two sides of love...the agony and the ecstasy. This topic of agony or the sacrifice for the better came up several times this past weekend. It made me stop and think about how true it is that suffering is woven in our life from the moment we are born and was woven in Jesus' life as well. Much has been written on this process of purification that exists when we acknowledge that God is always stripping away the negative to make way for the positive. In this process there is a division that is inevitable. As we walk through it,we sometimes whine and complain and when it's too hard, cry out to God...Why???, but in hind sight we always see the bigger picture and thank God that we have a Father that won't let us take the easy route. He uses our life experiences to perfect us and form us day by day,moment by moment into what we are suppose to look like in the Spirit.

This Thanksgiving 2009 was probably one of the best gatherings that we have had in a long time. I'm not sure why, as we always have our large family together with a ton of delicious food but for some reason this year it just flowed at an easier pace and of course I can't put enough emphasis on the fact that our new baby grandson was a part of the picture....a very big part.












Ira's parents were here and the children especially enjoyed interacting with them. George going on 92 and Nellie 87 were in rare form, both looking and feeling good. Eli made the comment that a very rewarding time this weekend was spent having conversation with his grandfather and that George seems so different in his old age; much kinder,more interested in wanting to know what was going on in his life and eager to share stories of his long journey in this world. His comment was "it's too bad he wasn't that kind of grandfather while we were growing up." I noticed Ira staring off into space and I knew what he was thinking...what kind of father have I been and will my children have those same thoughts about me? I thought to myself, do the mistakes of our youth come back to haunt us and are they the sacrifices that we carry to perfect the future? I could feel that very moment that Ira was taking mental note of the kind of grandfather that he wants to be to Isiah and I know that Eli is doing many things different in his role as father than he experienced from Ira, in hopes of perfecting his image of a good father. So it seems each generation carry's some kind of a load to better the next.



In Scripture it says that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus so as long as we are living by the Spirit of God we can at least know that God uses our mistakes for the good.....always for others. The task now at hand involves recognizing the old, impure part of us and grasping the revelation of the perfect. As Norman Grubb many times said, "you have to know who you aren't in order to know who you are." I have to give my mother credit......she was a great grandmother to my kids. Not so much as a mother to me but then maybe she finally got her revelation of unconditional love by the time my kids came along. I've had my share of sacrifice as well and I hope that all the pain I carried as a child has made a difference and is perfecting our ongoing generations. I guess we will never get it absolutely perfect until we sit as children in the Father's house in heaven and finally see the "big picture!"



So for now I am sitting back with a big smile on my face as I look at this picture of a family.......it is my family with all it's wonderful imperfections that are being LIVED out, day by day. I hope we all won't be too hard on each other as we move through life and realize that love is the glue that holds it all together and we do love each other more than words can express.

Answered Prayers

In so many areas I am giving thanks these past few weeks. It seems like God hears my never ending pleas for this and that but rarely the overflowing song of thanksgiving. I have indeed been jumping up and down with happiness for how the Lord worked out my son's employment,moving,new baby,selling their house and starting life up in a new city all in the knick of time!! Does it seem like sometimes God pushes us in this corner of uncertainty maybe as a testing? All I know is that I did not pass the test with flying colors as I spent many months,days,hours WORRYING and honestly had my doubts at time if it would all work out. Of course when it does and it always does, I am terribly convicted with my lack of faith. He has never,ever forsaken me,let me down in any area of my life but still I allow the unknown to frighten me and steal my peace. So... lessons learned and life goes on.



Through all these recent bumps in the road another big step of growth is with my husband. Talk about patience and waiting......I have been waiting for us to be One in Christ for 33 yrs and all of a sudden one day it happened. I heard words I've never heard from him. He has always been a believer but he never understood the surrendered life and so most of our lives he has been very self absorbed. He couldn't grasp what it means to be crucified in Christ. Your life at that point is not your own, it is God living through you and the flesh fights hard for that control. Yes it is true that many people have to go through some difficult situations to come to this knowledge but it's only because you have to get yourself into a position where you give up trying to be something or somebody outside of God. It is especially hard on confident,capable, control freaks and that is where he was living. So.....a few things have happened 33 yrs. later to bring him down a notch and my prayers were finally answered. This has all happened within the last few months so I know there will be much more to this story but I am giddy with excitement for the first time in my life to be able to share my love of God with my husband and for me to know that God is preparing something for us to do as a team to reflect that love. I will share that story as it unfolds because I think it will be a great testimony to the business minded person out there that feel like they love God but do not see the abiding as a first priority. Bottom line is there is no life unless He abides in you....it's just a front that will eventually come falling down.


On top of all these blessings there still was one more and that was when Gabe and Katie announced their engagement. Another new member of the family, another daughter to love and the hope of more babies!!!! Our family is going to be HUGE before long and I love it!








Ben had his 22 birthday on the 6th and Josh's 35 yrs. on the 12th so there has been much celebrating in our house the past few weeks. Now we look forward to a true day of thanksgiving coming up and everyone is coming home to the mountains for this wonderful time of year. Can't wait to see my new baby boy Isiah who over the past 6wks. has turned into a little man. I've never seen him in person with his eyes open, so I'm in for a treat. We're all just so excited to just be together. God is good!!

Waiting

These Fall days are going by so fast I can hardly keep up. Much activity this past month. What was once quiet and slow paced is now full of noise and motion. Seems like there is always someone sleeping on a couch or in spare beds and my house is starting to resemble a familiar memory......dog hairs,dirt and too much laundry. We have been invaded...but it's a good kind of invasion. Loved ones that have come home to roost for awhile,visitors and of course the lovable new member of the family Max who is providing his own kind of commotion that I never anticipated. He is so big and so full of energy it's scary. We adore him but realize that exercise and discipline are going to be VERY important. I am trying very hard to follow Ceasar the Dog Whisperer's advise but with a puppy you must also carry a good dose of patience. He is six months old so I can't expect too much to soon.

I am getting regular pictures of my other new baby Isiah almost daily from his mom and dad. He is three weeks old now and I'm sure giving his parents a chance to hone up on their patience quota.



So patience and waiting are the words this week that are giving me something to think about. My mother use to tell me that she thought I had a lot of it but sometimes I wonder. I need to look this up in Scripture because there is much written on the subject so it must be an important part of our makeup. My heartfelt request these past few months is having the patience to wait. It seems like everyone in my family is at a point of surrender to the unknown. There is a quiet confidence that God is in control but there is still a restless soul that wavers between hope and despair. I know that God has us at this place to fine tune His life in us and I feel secure in the knowledge that His ways are above our earthly ways but the waiting for His plan to be revealed is starting to take it's toil. I lay in bed at night and worry for all of my children. They are in the infant stages of carving out their future and this world is not as kind as it was thirty years ago for us. It feels like the boundaries are closing in and there are fewer options these days to take chances. I feel this even for myself. Our whole life has been about taking chances and never thinking twice that we were not going to succeed. So why are we now at such an uncertain place in life? Our tomorrows feel like a pleasant dream that we wake up from and realize that it was in fact a dream and we are living the nightmare. It seems like there is so much at stake at this place in our life. Your life depends on the choices you make so I plead with my children to make the right choice. To me the only choice is living out of God's life and believing that all things will work for your good when you are crucified in Christ. Unshakable faith that we cannot yet see what we will be....that part comes in another time and in another place. The proper collaboration between God and us for living is this: God does the living and we let Him.

We need to fall flat on our faces every now and then, to suffer the consequences of making a bad choice, to be afraid or unsure of the future. Bottom line is we need to be perfected in our salvation. This is how God drives us away from a soul-oriented way of living into a Spirit-oriented way of living. Living from the Spirit is a strategy for success. I remember always shouting out the door to family members as they would go off into the day, "walk in the Spirit" and they would smile and shake their heads like I was a little wacky but it's the truth and I still remind them of that truth. As they now face their own mountains in life and I am not there for those everyday conversations, I pray that they have God's truth ingrained upon their hearts.

So on this day I am on my knees for one of my boys as he goes for a very important interview that could determine his future ability to provide for his family. He has been through a tough year and I am wide eyed in seeing him handle it all with such grace. I am so use to being a part of solving problems, trying to make life easier for them all, interceding so that they don't have to suffer and this week I got the reprimand from God that this is not my job anymore. I felt so far removed from all that he was going through and realized there was nothing I could do about any of it anyway so all I could do was pray and that I did. Now it's between him and God and all the years of training him up in the Lord.

"One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God."
— Oswald Chambers

And so I wait.

ISIAH ATLANTE GIOVARA

Too much activity going on and no time to sit down to write. Sometimes life has a way of throwing us into a tail spin and it takes all we have just to hang on. The biggest and best event that has happened in a long time is the birth of my first grandchild, Isiah Atlante Giovara. There are no words to describe this event so I can't say to much more than a door of love has opened and I am running,leaping,crashing through into grandparent heaven. Along this journey I can foresee that there will be many new experiences with this child as well as his parents. As I seek to walk deeper in the Spirit, I am contemplating how much I need to stop every now and then and not run too far ahead. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I can trip and fall into a pit of self doubt. It's hard to not think that all of life's experiences are about you. It's never about you rather always the other person and the sooner you die to the notion that the world revolves around your little life the better. Anyway we had four days in Pittsburgh sharing the beautiful birth of Isiah with Eli and Jill and we are now home and back in the groove and they are day by day learning how to maneuver life as a family.

I started writing a few notes on the subject of consistency last week and then couldn't be consistent enough to sit down and write. Maybe God was showing me something through it all. Still everywhere I turned the word consistent kept coming up so I know that this is an area I need to look at. I have always been a person, from the time I was little, that would come up with grandiose plans and then never follow through to the finish. I just can't seen to stay on target with a passion. My journal writing is my most consistent thing I do and even then I can go weeks at a time with nothing to say. I make great starts then slowly fizzle out. I don't think God looks on and says,"that was a great intention." I'm even starting to think that He waits to see how serious we really are as to what we believe. It's like paying someone to do a job before the job is done. I have done that a few times and gotten burned. In hindsight I would think, "why did I pay the guy upfront.' He either did a half way job or in one instance he did half a days work, went to lunch and never came back. I learned my lesson through these experiences and so now I wait,evaluate and then reward. Maybe God does the same thing. Your relationship with Christ has to be anchored to a source that is consistent and daily, not occasional. The reward comes later and that sometimes is the hard part.

Ira and I have committed to a daily prayer time before we leave the house. Sometimes it's easy and some mornings when we're both racing around it becomes a little difficult but I am trying to not look at it as something we are just fitting in when we have the time. I am looking at it as a commitment that will be producing a great reward in our lives and in the people we pray for.

Spiritual consistency - the kind where you keep gaining ground instead of just gaining and losing the same ground over and over again - that kind of spiritual consistency is anchored first to this daily, non-negotiable time with the Lord. The fuel for your faith has to be a daily time in His Word, looking for a practical step of obedience for that 24 hours. Your life is one day at a time and in God's Word to us, He only promises us daily bread.

Spiritual consistency also means a fresh, daily surrender of your life and the things that really matter to you. You have to learn the power of resisting the devil instead of just allowing him to manipulate you through your feelings. Remember, if you "resist the devil," then "he will flee from you" (James 4:7 ).

If I can make each new day a new beginning then I can stop trying to keep the last high moment in my life alive and instead press on to all the good things that lie ahead. I've ridden this spiritual roller coaster long enough and to me this deeper walk in the Spirit is a life that is consistently trusting that God has a plan for my life and as I depend on His leading for each day, it will come into being.



My sweet Gabriel has returned home from Hawaii and he and the love of his life Katie are desiring to maybe start a little cafe here in the mountains. Yes, my passions run ahead and envision marriage and babies and something we could all do together but I am trying to take a deep breath and let God work. If it is to be, it will be. In the mean time we are all bonding as a family,seeking God's Word on each decision we must make and WAITING....the hard part!!

Superior fellowship this morning!!! Just love those early hours that I spend dwelling on what God wants to have me learn. Yesterday I read a description of what heaven might be like from a book called The Unknown Prophet and I was so overwhelmed I cried for an hour. You think you might have an inkling as to how glorious it will be and then these words made me fall to my knees.

It has been a busy week so far as we really start the countdown for our precious grandchild to makes his or her journey into this world. I am making plans for the dog sitter (Uncle Ben),buying baby gifts,packing,getting the car ready and just plain worrying about all the things that won't get done and won't matter one way or the other if they do. It's like one of the most wonderful events is on the verge of happening and your mind can't even comprehend how you are going to handle it. I can only imagine how on edge with excitement Jill and Eli are as they enjoy these last few days of being two.

A few things have stood out this week that have made me stop in my tracks and really think. It started yesterday when Suzanne sent me this email:

"Like your blog from Friday. I've been thinking about rotten apples since Wed, too. Peter and I talked about it a little. One scripture you quoted reminded me of a story - "Don't spend time with those who are foolish or eventually you won't be able to discern knowledge. (Proverbs 14:7)"

Ruth Bell Graham was at a dinner party - and seated beside her was the Chairman of the Fed Reserve. So she started talking to him about his job - he was explaining about the Reserve, how it worked, etc. They were talking about counterfeit money - and Mrs. Graham commented that they must have looked at and studied a lot of fake bills. He said No! On the contrary - they spent all their time studying the real thing. Then when they saw a fake - they knew it immediately. I thought that was an interesting reverse way to look at it. And funny, I thought of that story immediately when I read that verse.

Another thing Peter and I were talking about last week - you and I were discussing "crucified with Christ.." Peter said remember, crucifixion is a slow death. We didn't have the chance right then to discuss it further - but it made instant sense to me."

And to me also. The action that causes death and our reception of it, is quick but the dying part of the flesh is a slow process. I never really thought of it that way before. We won't be able to say "it is finished" until we see Him face to face. So...in the mean time this week I am getting quite a lot of conversation on fruit. Last week it was rotten apples and this week the bearing of the fruit. I read several things on this subject yesterday. This one from Nelson Mandela:

"It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

David Wilkerson wrote this:

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit” (John 15:16).

Many sincere Christians think bearing fruit means simply to bring souls to Christ. But to bear fruit means something much larger even than soul winning. The fruit Jesus is talking about is Christ-likeness. Simply put, bearing fruit means reflecting the likeness of Jesus. And the phrase “much fruit” means “the ever-increasing likeness of Christ. Growing more and more into Jesus’ likeness is our core purpose in life. It has to be central to all our activities, our lifestyle, our relationships. Indeed, all our gifts and callings—our work, ministry and witness—must flow out of this core purpose.

If I am not Christlike at heart—if I’m not becoming noticeably more like him—I have missed God’s purpose in my life. You see, God’s purpose for me can’t be fulfilled by what I do for Christ. It can’t be measured by anything I achieve even if I heal the sick or cast out demons. No, God’s purpose is fulfilled in me only by what I am becoming in him. Christ likeness isn’t about what I do for the Lord, but about how I’m being transformed into his likeness. So, do you want to bear the “much fruit” that springs forth from becoming more like Christ? We fulfill our life’s purpose only as we begin to love others as Christ has loved us and we grow more Christ-like as our love for others increases."



The image that I was led to in the analogy of a piece of fruit helped me to see it. Exposing yourself to the negative energy of decay also gave me a vivid picture of how much bad company corrupts good character. Always learning with these little tidbits.

I have had good opportunities this week to first of all feel God's love and then to instead of "hiding my light under a bushel" move out into the world and shine a bit. I have been spending way to much time withdrawing from the world these past few years. It was so obvious to me the minute I moved out of my safe,non stressful place I have been stagnating in. The enemy wants nothing better than to render you useless and that's kind of how I've been feeling lately. Your life is so full in the beginning with children and careers and all the planting going on(there's that image of seed to fruit again) and then what happens? Fruit is formed but doesn't grow and stays green and eventually falls off the tree and rots. I feel like God is saying, "get a hold of yourself and remember who you are. You come from a royal lineage,predestined to do great things for My Glory. Keep moving, keep growing and I'll tell you when to stop which will be when you're ready to leave this world and you get to experience first hand that Glory you got a taste of the other day." It's kind of hard to let your light shine which in turn reflects the sun/Son when you hide in the shadows and don't take risks. What does that all mean......I don't know for sure. In hindsight it will probably all make sense. I'm just expressing what He's showing me for today and hope it blesses someone else as well.

ROTTEN APPLES

Well for some reason this week God is speaking to me about what exactly happens when a rotten apple is able to co-exist with it's fellow apples as in the familiar phrase of how "one rotten apple will spoil the bunch." I thought it a strange topic at first but once again confirmations come at me right and left so I listen carefully to those confirmations and ultimately end up with something to write about. This seems to be working well for me and I trust that God is leading me always towards my growing up in Him.

So what exactly is the scientific explanation of what happens when your nice big bowl of fruit succumbs to this process of decay?

"This occurs because the rotting apple gives off a gas called ethylene, which speeds the ripening of the other apples in the fruit. Ethylene production can also be induced by a variety of external aspects such as mechanical wounding and environmental stresses. Ethylene gas in biology, is known as a hormone. Hormones, as they do in humans, cause growth."

Interesting to see the connection of decay and then breakdown that is at work in all of God's life. I think this topic came up because of a discussion on the fear of some individuals being susceptible to friends of theirs that are walking in dangerous areas.....drugs, loose morals,denouncing Christ as the only way to salvation. Can they stand firm in their walk with God without this negative influence affecting them? That is always every parents biggest fear....peer pressure that can raise it's ugly head in children as well as adults. It must be an important issue, as there is much spoken on this topic in Scripture:

Be not deceived, bad company corrupts good morals
(Proverbs 4:14)

* Don't be spending your time with someone who's angry or hot tempered or you may become like that yourself. (Proverbs 22:24)

* Don't answer a fool regarding his own foolishness because you may end up like him. (Proverbs 26:4)

* Don't spend time with those who are foolish or eventually you won't be able to discern knowledge. (Proverbs 14:7)

If you are in the company of those who are wise, you will gain wisdom. If you are in the company of those who are evil, you too will become evil. (Proverbs 13:20)


The Bible tells us that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. God’s ultimate aim for us is spiritual growth. His goal is to transform us into the express image of His Son Jesus Christ. The main reason that God will start to take out the friends in your life that He does not want you to have is because some of these people may be negative influences in your life and hinder your own growth. The pressure to conform is so hard, especially in young people. Having friends and being accepted is such a huge mountain to climb. I feel all my kids have gone through some form of this and even now I still feel that they walk the middle of the road sometimes just to be a part of the accepted group.

God will not put up with this, and He will remove these bad influences out of your life if you enter into this full surrendered walk with Him. For those who are married and have children - it is the same thing when you do not want your children hanging out with other children who you know would be a bad and negative influence on your child. You know that if your children start hanging out with the wrong type of crowd, they can become very easily corrupted in a very short period of time. It would be comforting to believe that if they have received Christ they are strong enough to stand their ground but there is a growing up process going on physically and spiritually. We go from infant to young men to adults and along these growing years is where maturity happens. At some point I think you do reach a place of maturity where you are not easily swayed but it takes time.

Ephesians 4:13
until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Hebrews 5:14
But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

We are all operating at different levels of spiritual development with the Lord. God knows best as to who would be best suited for you at the level of spiritual development that you are currently operating at with Him. I have always been a person with a few very close friends, even in high school. When God does bring in these types of special friends to share your journey with, they become real treasures! They might be with you throughout your life or maybe just for a season but I trust that each interaction has a purpose.

Sadly, what you will find out very early on, is just because someone may be a saved and born again Christian does not mean this person has their act together in the Lord. Some people have become too judgmental and too critical in their walk. Some have become too arrogant and pompous, thinking that they have all the answers to everything. God will always be fine tuning us in how to walk in the Spirit. I know sometimes my kids think that is where I am coming from and I am trying to stay strong in what I believe,share who I am in Christ with them and hope that it doesn't come off that way but I know it probably does sometimes and I ask God and them to forgive me. When someone says that they see something different in me, I only hope that it is Christ that they see.

I pray that God will bring the right people into their lives at the right time. How He gets you to meet some of these people in the first place is exciting. Some of these interactions are quite incredible, as most of these people will be total strangers to you until God moves in to match the two of you up. I just took a new job the other day and was so delighted to meet a new Christian woman in real estate, also expecting her first grand child in a few months. It was kind of a confirmation that this is where God wanted me for now. The possibilities are endless as to where these people may come from and I've come to realize that these kindred Spirits can come from anywhere and at anytime - so keep your radar up, as you never know when God may move to bring one of them into your life.

We are so praying for our children to find these prayer partners, kindred spirits, forever friends, "good apples" in their early adult years. To have friends that share your faith, that will pray for you when things get tough and stand with you through thick and thin is truly a blessing. Dividing yourself between who you are in Christ and who you are in the secular world is tricky. Only in Christ is there power to defeat the enemy and I believe it's only purpose on earth is to stop the spread of the gospel. The gas that is released from the apple, quickly does it's job on a bowl of fruit and the negative energy of an ungodly person has the same effect.....decay!

Feel like I wrote this for someone.....it's just what was on my mind.

HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE

I said this to myself this week. Just marveling at what the meaning of that phrase is. It can at first bring images of panic as if your world is caving in and you are hanging on by a thread and then when I put the emphasis on "dear life", I felt a soothing double emotion of safety and protection. I've been a little stumped this week with my conversations with the Lord. I wasn't paying careful attention and He wasn't speaking. Distractions were everywhere and even a few ill feelings trying to defend myself with one of the children. I have a tendency to make the world look dangerous because indeed I think it is a very dangerous world but after spending many years preaching the "it's all good" message to my family, I get challenged every once in awhile.

It's a very different world these days and myself and many others are sensing there might be a time coming soon where God says, Enough...and so the end times will begin. According to one member of the family, I am not practicing what I preach when I react to the fear mongers that are everywhere on the internet. So today as I look for your nudge God, You ran Psalm 16 across my path and there was my confirmation in the first verse. This translation is from The Message:

Keep me safe, Oh God
I've run for dear life to you.
I say to God, "Be my Lord!"
Without you, nothing makes sense.

And these God-chosen lives all around
what splendid friends they make!

Don't just go shopping for a god.
God's are not for sale.
I swear I'll never treat god-names
like brand-names.

My choice is you, God, first and only.
And now I find I'm your choice!
You set me up with a house and yard.
And then you made me your heir!

The wise counsel God gives when I'm awake
is confirmed by my sleeping heart.
Day and night I'll stick with God;
I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go.

I'm happy from the inside out,
and from the outside in, I'm firmly formed.
You canceled my ticket to hell-
that's not my destination!

Now you've got my feet on the life path,
all radiant from the shining of your face.
Ever since you took my hand,
I'm on the right way.

LOVED THAT!! Needed that. It doesn't take much to push me forward and most of the time it's a stone thrown that makes me leap ahead and duck for safety. I am quick to anger but in that anger I reevaluate and focus on the Truth of the matter. Everyone has to find their own truth and the hard part as a mother is to not drown out another's voice.
Who am I but a small reflection of the bigger picture. I've always loved this line from a William Alexander Percy poem that came to mind:

"I have a need of silence and of stars.
Too much is said too loudly. I am dazed.
The silken sound of whirled infinity
Is lost in voices shouting to be heard."

On Wednesday when Suzanne and I prayed, I felt sure I heard the words, Relax and Trust. You never know what that implies....where that direction will take you and tonight as I make peace with my unseen foe, I see that there is somewhat of a duel message here. I am for sure hanging on to "dear life" and at the same time learning how to relax and trust.

"Ever since you took my hand
I'm on the right way."

As a mother all I want to be sure of is that He has their hands.

Setting My Faith

After a busy week with much activity going on in both of our lives, Suzanne and I spent most of our time together Wed. morning discussing the events of the week. As I look back over what was said I think the question of how God touches the lost world through Christ's life in us, might be the message He will be using for me to focus on this week . We both discussed friends that were caught up in lifestyles that in our eyes would not be pleasing to the Lord. Both of these people are not believers but both people are friends that we love and respect and so how you relate to them when your foundations are so contrary is an important issue. I will wait to hear what you have to say about these interactions God and why you would want to discuss this with me.

Since last week You drove home the point of what faith actually is, I am thinking this week that in relation to being a living witness to people in my circle of life that do not know how to operate in this realm, the point would be..... how is that glow of faith's reflection made visible?

This came my way this morning, written by David Wilkerson,that gave me some insight:

"When I can rest through storms, when I have cast every burden on Christ and I hold my faith position, then I have obtained a “good report.” I am becoming a beacon of hope to those around me. Those who watch my life at home, at work and on my block may not respond openly. But they will know there is hope and redemption available to them. They can look at me in my hour of crisis and say, “There is hope! There stands someone who has not lost faith in God. There is a fighter who will not quit. He trusts his God!

As calamities increase, and the world falls into great distress, the believer’s response must be a testimony of unwavering faith. We have the Holy Spirit abiding in us, and we have the Bible, the fully revealed Word of God. We cannot boast in our own flesh, but we can lean on His Word.

I still have so much to learn about “setting my faith.” But I have tasted the victory that comes when I trust the Lord in all things, when I purposefully lay all my burdens on Christ and go my way at rest."


Setting my faith.....I like that. God you really are talking to me this way and I love the anticipation of what You are up to. I am learning to hear Your voice by being observant to the day to day, moment by moment earthly voices that pass before me. You are so invisible and seemingly out of reach but you have given us the Holy Spirit made possible through Christ and you have given us each other for strength and encouragement......if we only have ears to hear and eyes to see what is right in front of us.

Tonight is the memorial service for one of our dear friends that was killed last week in a car accident. This will be a difficult evening for all of his family and friends. He was not a believer in the gift of Salvation but he was a good man. His death has had a tremendous effect on me in exactly what God has been discussing with me this week...how we reflect God's presence to the world when it's all said and done. I woke up at 4:30 this morning with no question that God was beckoning me to get up and "let's talk". I curled up in the bed in our guest room and opened my Bible to Psalm 15 and got great comfort from David's words:

"Lord,who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart
and has so slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,
who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the Lord,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,
who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe
against the innocent.

He who does these things will never
be shaken."

And I have to add that none of that is possible without the perfect Life of God that so graciously has been given to us through Christ. I couldn't make it one day in my own strength and thank goodness I don't have to. I really sense God telling me to stop and smell the roses.....they are all around you. God isn't concerned with outward appearances, or religious symbols and rituals. The only thing that matters to God is our faith in Jesus Christ, and the way that it is put into practice in our lives.

Next Wednesday, when Suzanne and I meet, is still a few days away.
What more do you have for me Lord?

The Muscle Of Faith

Every Wednesday at 6:30am,my friend Suzanne and I meet together via the telephone to pray for our families and share what God has been doing throughout the week. There can be no doubt about it that the topic of conversation last week was Faith. Seems like a common aspect of our walk with God but for some reason today after discussing all the ups and downs a few of our children are walking through, the thought popped into my mind...could faith operate somewhat like a muscle? There could be no debate on the fact that a muscle needs to be worked in order for it to perform it's function so the first thing I did was look up the actual definition of a muscle to see if I could see the correlation.

mus.cle
noun-a band or bundle of fibrous tissue in a human or animal body that has the ability to contract, producing movement in or maintaining the position of parts of the body.

verb-move an object in a particular direction by using one's physical strength.

I soon found out that I am not the first one to come across this revelation, as my research produced many things written along the same lines. But what exactly is God telling me about faith in my walk with Him and almost as a answer to my question, I noticed that throughout the week everywhere I looked I saw a message pertaining to this topic. Even the apostles said unto the Lord..."Increase our faith" in a chapter of Luke. So I'm getting the picture that the Lord might be speaking to me about the increase of my faith. I'm curious now to think that if I visualize faith like a muscle that maybe giving that muscle a workout might be of some benefit to my soul. The opposite of faith is doubt,fear and worry and I can attest to the fact that I swing back and forth much to often.

How else can this muscle of faith be developed unless it is put to the test in what I call the issues of life which we all wrestle with on a daily basis. We would love for our faith to move mountains but what about the the little things, the day to day worries such as getting from point A to point B, or to know that your finances will carry you through the month or that a sick child will be made well? Jesus said "if your are faithful in the little things, you will be faithful in the greater things too". Faith is not magic. It has taken me many years of dependency on a God I can't see or hear to trust His word. One issue after another provides me the opportunity to lean on Him and acknowledge His ways and sure enough, He has never failed me.

The Psalms say that the Lord is our refuge, a light and our salvation but I think what is going on has more to do with our participation rather than us just sitting silently by waiting for God to take care of our every need. When Jesus said in Matthew 7 to "Ask,seek,knock and the door will be opened" that implies a forward motion, a movement on our part, a strengthening of the muscle to gain the victory. The exercise of that faith muscle makes the difference in what ever issues you are facing. Is there anything truly worthwhile in life that has been won without an effort? I guess once we know we have done all we can do, we then stand still and watch and wait.

This morning God spoke to me about an interesting way of communication with Him that I never thought about before. Throughout these past months of my prayer time with Suzanne we marvel at how God leads our conversation and has us discussing what He wants us to pray about. Since this topic of faith was so vividly real to me last week and it was no coincidence that every day I was being presented with yet another nugget of information on my original question, I decided to start a journey of a "one on one" with God in this same way and write about it so I can look back and read the writing on the wall. I have asked God to reveal what He wants to discuss with me each week; what does He want to show me, teach me, grow me up in? What areas of my life do I need discipline in and I will in faith be expecting His reply.

Here I am Lord, speak to me!!!

"Judging ones own writing is like looking in a mirror. What you tell yourself about what you see in the reflection has far more to do with how you feel about yourself than with how you actually look." Betsy Lerner

Long time no posts!! The summer is going,going,almost gone. In a few days Ira and I will be celebrating 39 years of married life which means it is the end of August. It also means we are inching closer and closer to Baby Gio's entrance into the world. All thoughts and future plans are centered around this exciting event. Loose ends are slowly coming together in everyone's lives so I am relaxing a bit more with the details. Looking forward to Gabe's arrival home at the end of next month. I have really missed him and look forward to hearing about his most excellent adventure. This latest picture tells me we might have a future surfer in the wings. He looks good and I smile every time I see it.



We have all been through a pretty tough year. So many changes have taken place in all of our lives. It feels like we have held steady through the storm and brighter days are ahead, but who knows. I'm working on being content in all things,which is easier said than done.

I like this quote that I found in my journal coming from an interpretation of John 14:27

"This is the acid test that we should apply to all systems and understandings. If some advice on how we are to live claims to be the truth of God then it had better be effective. God's provision and life NEVER fails. This does not mean that physical prosperity or even physical health is the sign of God's blessing on a life. Rather...the ability to endure all things is the mark of the life lived by submission to the truth of God. It is the presence of peace and rest in all circumstances of our living that marks a life as one which is being lived in accord with the Father's truth."

How true!!

LIFE WITH MAXWELL

In the midst of the lazy days of summer. Feeling a bit confined these days as I attempt to train this puppy. Don't feel comfortable leaving him for too long so my job has become official puppy watcher. Tomorrow night will be the longest amount of time we will be away as we will be going to the Grandfather Mountain Celtic Concert for an evening of food and music. He'll be fine......I keep telling myself!!












Lesson's from Dogs:

Live simply
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

ZOE TURNED INTO MAX

Where has the time gone. Running and jumping into July already. Thoughts of what we are doing and where we will be this winter are starting to surface and I don't like it!! I've got to stop and smell the roses. One big rose that has kept me hopping lately is this fine specimen of a animal named Maxwell. We bit the bullet and got ourselves a new member of the family. It was all kind of sudden but we both felt it was time. It has been a year since Bess passed on and I could just feel that the timing to start this journey was here. Our friends Steve and Lisa's white lab had a liter of nine pups and on our last time out there it was love at first sight. Though we had originally planned on a female, we changed our minds at the last minute.



He has been with us for a week now and we are slowly falling into a nice rhythm. He sleeps in a crate all through the night and rarely has an accident in the house so we're pretty lucky. Just like with a new baby it is all consuming.....watching his every move, doctor's appts. for shots, not being able to leave the house. It's temporary....so I think I can handle it. Like these days that turn into weeks, that turn into months; he will be full grown before I know it.

No real spiritual insights lately other than the word I got this morning....TRUST. God has been pushing that point to me a lot lately. In all of the many changes that are going on in our lives, He wants me to relax and trust Him. I have a way of throwing in the "what if" a lot and that is the part that always trips me up. The what if is covered when we are abiding and then the trust comes floating in. Practice makes perfect.

OH HAPPY DAY!!

What a busy weekend it has been!! Last night we all fell into our places on the couch and felt like we had run a marathon. Eli and Jill arrived Friday evening and we have been laughing and loving with each other non stop and we still have one more day until their sad departure. Eli wanted to cram as much as he could into these few days with his brothers, so they have been on the tennis courts, at the bowling alley and golf,golf and more golf from the get go. Last night was a pizza throw down which I guess you could say Ira won but only because Eli was out of his element....he's got his "white pie" down pat at home.


Jill and I sat back and watched the fun and took pictures. We've got so many good ones. Fathers day was shared with George and Nellie and all the brothers in an arcade in Lenoir of all places. George and Nellie held up pretty well through all the craziness and noise and I think really enjoyed themselves.


It was just good to all be together as they don't get to see the kids that often now that everyone is getting so spread out. Only Bethany and Gabe were missing but we heard from them several times over the weekend.

The next big event is the arrival on maybe Thursday of our newest addition to the family......Zoe!! Yes, we decided to do it and make it my birthday present but wanted to wait until all the hoopla dies down so we don't scare her to death. After a short trip to Atlanta on Tuesday, we will ride out to the farm to pick her up. I have been thinking non-stop about her all week and as much as I know there will be much work and responsibility associated with this decision, I think I am in need of all that she will bring to our life . As I've said before, are you ever really ready for the work that love requires?? Thinking a lot about that aspect of love....the sacrifice. This line from a Christina Rossetti poem speaks to where I've inched towards the past few years and have felt that as life has calmed down somewhat, I don't feel there has been much fruit and isn't it all about bearing the fruit of the vine?

God hardens me against myself,
The coward with pathetic voice
Who craves for ease, and rest and joys;

Myself, arch-traitor to myself;
My hollowest friend, my deadliest foe,
My clog whatever road I go.

Yet one there is can curb myself,
Can roll the strangling load from me,
Break off the yoke and set me free.

Of course that is the Lord that desires to live my life with all the twists and turns that will ever be with me until we meet face to face. I'm saying bring it on!! We now enter into a new generation of family members that will supply a new map and I know the journey will be a roller coaster ride...just like the beginning. I'm too young to be sitting in my rocking chair in a retired mentality of life but after such a crazy,hectic, thirty eight years of children,animals,businesses and the immense responsibility with each one, I just got burned out. I always tell Ira that I think I need new shock absorbers because mine are worn out.

So I've been praying for a new set of whatever that thing is that softens the hard knocks, so that I can continue on for the next 20-30 years. Love will require sacrifice....just face it. There is no easy road around it but the reward is worth every difficult day!


I think my new baby Zoe will be the front runner.

UP UP AND AWAY

Today we will once again fly off into the sunset....this time to spend a few days with our beautiful daughter. Orlando here we come and as we don't really having any schedule other than hanging out and enjoying each others company, it should be a great trip. We do have a concert Monday evening to hear one of our favorite artists ,Bon Iver, make his beautiful music but other than that I think we will just wing it. Always nervous flying, so the sooner we land on solid ground the better. I also realize the 2 1/2 hour road trip to the airport holds just as much danger as flying the friendly skies so I need to relax and know that when it's time to go...it's time to go!





Well the last week was filled with a few new experiences. Yesterday we made the trip out to our friends farm for dinner and a look at the new batch of puppies that their dog Ella produced and what an evening it was. Nine of the most adorable little creatures that got my baby juices flowing. The urge to cuddle,kiss and coo at these beautiful babies brought out a side of me that has been lying dormant. When Bess passed away I wondered what I would do without that source of outlet. It did not surface towards my husband which did cross my mind. Instead it just laid dormant and now I feel those familiar feelings creeping back. We do have a new baby coming round the bend so I am happy to know that whether puppy or grandchild God is priming the pump! We both do agree that it might be time to open our hearts to a furry friend and so though we did not go home last night with a new member of the family....we are thinking about it. They really are not ready to leave the nest anyway and we will be gone until next week so the big decision will take place once we are back home. As always our trip to Steve and Lisa's gets my buried "farm girl" mindset going. Their place is just too beautiful to describe and every time we make the trip, we see yet another addition to the world they are creating. When they are finished, if that time ever comes, they will have painted a masterpiece. I'm ready to put our house on the market and look for our own 50 acres, with the difference being we will have a little place called the Sugar Shack on the property where we will welcome guests to come have a bite to eat,listen to some awesome music and unwind (we've got to make a living somehow)!! That is why this property is so hard to find because it has to be fairly accessible and most of the farms that I find are way too off the beaten path. Oh well, if it is to be, it will come to me



Also had a great time last weekend camping in Julian Price Park. It is only a few miles from our house but it couldn't be a better place. The kids got us an inflatable kayak for our birthdays and also a six man tent so we were anxious to break the new equipment in. Of course this bout of constant rain put somewhat of a damper on it but we did manage to use the few hours of sunshine on Sat. to put the boat in the water. I love to camp and we plan to make good use of all our new toys this summer.




There are many simple pleasures available here in N.C. Just taking a hike in these Appalachian mountains is something we never take for granted. It will be good to experience Florida again and maybe make up our minds once and for all, where we belong. It's very hard going back and forth, especially if we are going to do another business so this trip just might be the beginning of some long awaited answers.

Got my first glimpse of our soon to be grandchild yesterday and so I will post it here for all to see and marvel at. The video is on my Facebook page. My mouth was open the whole time as I watched this little life swing and sway to the song "See You Soon" by Coldplay that Eli so cleverly arranged. It's hard to make out heads or tails at 21 weeks but I'm sure I saw a little hand wave to me and the last frame is of a tiny little head with a turned up little nose that made me weep. Grandmother love is going to be an experience of a lifetime and I am so ready to begin the journey. Many of my friends are way ahead of me but now it's my turn!!!

I realize just how much I love each child and the urgency that I have within for each one's well being and that this is what God must feel for us as well because we are His birthed children. Same love, same desire for everything that we are going through. It says in His word that "He knew us while we were in our mothers womb"; kind of like us all peering into Jill's womb through the wonders of technology and feeling as if we know this little one already. All the hopes and dreams and plans for a bright future are of course the prayers we have for our unborn children. Once they arrive into this world the issues of life sometimes provide a few twists and turns we didn't expect. As I've said before there seems to be a direct parallel with our relationship with God and our relationship with our children. I like to stop and think about this every now and then as it gives me a deeper understanding of how God is growing us up. The image that the Bible paints of container and content seems so right. "We have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves"(2 Corinthians 4:7)


I like this explanation by Dan Stone:
We are earthen vessels. We have this treasure in earthen vessels. The beauty of the vessel is it;s content. The frustration of the vessel is when the vessel tries to become the contents. When we reduce the illustration to that, we see how silly it is to try to be the contents. If you became the contents, there wouldn't be any vessel to hold you. You can't be both the vessel holding(expressing)the life of God and at the same time try to be the life of God. Your eternal purpose is not to become the contents of the cup. Your eternal purpose is to be the vessel, to let the life flow out of you. We reflect the glory and the nature of the One we contain. God manifest Himself to men through men. He first did it through the God-man Jesus and He does it now through us."

So we now have another little vessel coming into the world who we call Baby-Gio at the moment. I pray that God has a great and wondrous image of Himself that He is preparing to express through this perfect container. I vow as his/her grandmother to do all I can to love,cherish,and support this creation of God. My cup runneth over!!!

Climbing A Mountain

Today is the eight day of my ten day fast and so I think it is time to put down on paper if only for future reference some of the highs and lows of taking on this mountain of self-restraint. I have to admit,the last time I took on this task, my motivations were more from the physical rather than spiritual. Everyone swore you would drop 10lbs and they were indeed correct and as much as I would like to slim down the 10lbs I put back on in the course of a year,that was not my motivation this go round.

The Lord has been dealing with me in the area of the division of flesh and Spirit for the past few months. I have been on a quest of some sort, trying to figure out what is it and where exactly does the pull of temptation come from and why is it ever with you from the small seemingly insignificant areas of your life to the larger issues. I read a fantastic book last year by William Landon called The Devil You Don't Know and came to a better understanding of just where this magnetic pull resides. Much is spoken in scripture of the division of soul and spirit and the components of each one. Soul being the container for our mind,will and emotions and Spirit being the container that was created to connect and have relationship with God. The body or flesh of course is what houses it all. Landon's point is that our soul when animated by the Spirit is much like a masterpiece....meaning a poem, a song, a dance, any work of art that is completed to it's perfection. On the other hand the soul animated by the flesh which is the dwelling place of our fall away from God, encompasses all of the inner turmoil and angst that nips at our heels continually to pull us away from Truth. Of course we were given free will to choose between the two which is how it should be. Nothing forced could ever be true and pure. God has given us a little window which we call "time" to work this choice out but what He's really after is a family birthed for eternity that lives and breathes and moves with and in Him. Similar to our own birthed earthly families....one in spirit but separate.

So this fast has been interesting as it has made me look deeper into this thing called Soul, where in the past I have put so much emphasis on the things of the Spirit. I know the Spirit is where God lives and have spent over 30 years studying His ways of dealing with mankind but never gave a lot of attention to the Soul other than realizing that it expresses much of what I exhibit to the world.....how I think, what I choose, how I feel. I could sense this past year a real laziness taking hold in several areas of my life that did not feel good. I started eating things that were not healthy,drinking one to many glasses of wine,putting exercise on the back burner. I could feel this strong pull within to just take a vacation and curl up and get fat and lazy. Now I know that God loves me too much to let that happen and so my inner promptings from Him were to wake up,focus and get back on track before you move into an area you will not be happy with.

The challenge has become discipline with a capital D! The mind speaking to the body versus the other way around. Of course the first thing you have to do is choose a mind animated by God or else the opposite will be a mind that wants nothing better than to render you useless and ineffective; then of course all your promptings will be,"have another piece of cake", it's too dreary out to run", "one more won't hurt","if it feels good do it","no one will ever know". Maybe they won't, but the inner dissatisfaction will start eating away at you and there will be a price to pay.

So......I took the challenge. Ten days of denying my flesh. I'm taking my vitamins, drinking plenty of lemon water and cleansing with Senna tea and feel very energetic and able to go another ten days if I chose to which I don't think I will. The real battle with this truly has been in the mind. By day four, I was starting to hear the voice of defeat saying maybe it would be better to just do a five day fast, rather than ten or maybe just eating a few raw veggies wouldn't be so bad. Many whispers to pull me away from my goal of continuing on and I still have three days to go. I swore I was not going to look at the scale since I did say that this is not about weight and what did I do on day six.....I looked at the scale! Believe it or not I GAINED two pounds!!! How could that be?? I haven't eaten a darn thing in six days and I gained weight??? I had to have a long talk with myself that night as I could feel my motivation slipping. A reminder of how much the Lord is involved in this vessel He is shaping and so I haven't looked since. Maybe this is a spring board for a deeper understanding of this journey I have chosen. God has told us that our growth will be in stages just as a child grows; baby,young man and father.(1John 2:12-14) I know that I am always pressing on for this mystery which is Christ-in you. I would appreciate your prayers.

LETTER TO BEN

Ben,
Can you print this out and read it when you have some time to really think about the words. I thought about you all night after our long conversation. I did my walk this morning at 6:30 feeling so good. This fast I'm doing is amazing...it's like a real high that you experience when you cleanse your body from all the toxic garbage we ingest. Anyway I'm talking to the Lord the whole time about how I know you are at a searching and coming into who you really are now and I just so want you to understand the deep,deep things of the Spirit life. Today in the news on CNN there is an article on how so many people are losing or changing their religion. The article goes on and on about this denomination and that religion and I just shake my head because it is so obvious that 75% of the people don't have a clue as to what's going on. The whole point is all they have is a religion....a way of making sense of life that makes them feel good. One person thinks this and one person thinks that and they create a following of people that don't know how to think on their own. The point is that God has made us as containers for His life. It's not about something some human,thus inferior, man has dreamed up. All you have to do is realize that He made us for Himself. He is birthing a family where we will be with Him and each other for eternity. If it's just about life on this earth how sad would that be. The only way I could bear to lose any of you is to know that we will all be together again soon in a perfect world without sin. So mainly I just want to say......I realize you hear a lot of things from your friends that are New Age or New World stuff and that's OK, we''re told to test the spirits but please don't ever let go of Jesus who makes our true happiness and joy possible. I love you so so much.



Self-Consciousness and Christ Consciousness
Norman P. Grubb

We are desperately conscious of the two opposing principles of good and evil through all life. They confront us in human nature, in the business, political and social world. They give rise to the constant tensions among nations, races, classes, right down to our own family circles; They are the theme of ethics and religion. They come closest home to us in our own personal lives, the conflict of flesh and spirit, the interweaving of prosperity and adversity, joy and sorrow, friendship and enmity, justice and injustice, health and disease, kindness and cruelty, through the whole garment of life. Now, though we are Christ's, we share in this divided world. We are part of it. We eat its food, partake in its activities, earn its money, taste of its sorrows and tragedies, and endure its temptations. Though one'd with Christ in spirit, we are still one with the world in body. Therefore, though new men in Christ, we still have a duality of consciousness: we have self-consciousness, world-consciousness, we are in the world (but not of it: John 17:13,16), in the flesh (but not of it: Gal.5:24), in self (but not of it: Gal.2:20). A great proportion of our waking hours must necessarily be spent in the affairs of this world, with Christ in the background rather than foreground of our consciousness. Sin only enters when we are consciously drawn into activities and attitudes which we know to be displeasing to Him. While we are in this divided world, we cannot have solely a Christ-consciousness. We must also have a self-consciousness: certainly it is the renewed self which knows how to maintain its abiding place: yet it is also a self-conscious self, responsive to all the stimuli of its environment, therefore as open to temptation fleshward as to Christ-control spiritward. It is still a case of "nevertheless I live", as well as, "yet not I, but Christ liveth in me".

The name God has given to humanity separated from Himself by the Fall - is "flesh" (Gen. 6:3). We are all flesh, Even the Savior, when He came to be among us, was "God manifested in the flesh". Not until the resurrection of the body, the final and complete state of unification with our ascended Head, can any member of the human race cease to be flesh. Flesh implies consciousness of separation from God, self-consciousness apart from Christ-consciousness. That does not necessarily mean something evil. Christ "in the days of His flesh" was conscious of his human self as apart from the Father with whom He was one (e.g.John 5:19). It is not flesh, which is evil, but the lusts of the flesh. And even they are not evil unless they are permitted to reign instead of serve. Self-consciousness, flesh-consciousness, is the normal and essential prerequisite, as members of this fallen human race, to a continuous life of faith, for it compels us constantly to "look away" from our helpless selves unto Jesus (Heb.12:2): and as we do so, flesh then becomes the servant and manifestor of Spirit. But the moment we fail to look away, then flesh becomes an evil thing, natural "desires of flesh and mind" have us in their grip, and become dominating, discordant lusts, and we their slaves.

Therefore, let us get it clear; we shall never in this life be free from a sense of self, as well as a realization of the indwelling Christ. We shall never, therefore, be free from temptation in a world that exists to tempt, nor be free from the daily necessity of vigilance and abiding. The chapter of triumphant living, Rom.8, significantly enough is the very chapter which warns against the subtleties of the surrounding flesh, and expresses our groaning amidst our rejoicing, as we long for the final redemption of the body, and are saved, not only by faith, but by hope.

For this reason, then, it is of utmost importance that we understand the exact relationship between the renewed self and the other Glorious Self, Christ Himself who dwells within. It is the hardest lesson we have to learn, and cannot be learned except in the hard way. Nothing but frequent and strong doses of the false activities of self can teach us this lesson. It is peculiarly subtle because it is now not a case of a troublesome bad self, but an anxious, frustrated, condemned good self; not good in the positive sense of being able to do good things, but good in the negative sense of wanting to do good and no longer wanting to do evil; a purified self, but though pure, still empty: just as a cup may be clean, but what really matters is the fluid it contains.