EASTER MORNING 3-23-08
Still pitch black outside. Waiting for the big event.....the rising Son. All alone this year. Not all the excitement of past years where we were hurriedly making ham biscuits and coffee, trying to not be late for our sunrise boat ride on the lake with Bob and Sue. This year finds us in such a different circumstance. Just the two of us and somewhat disillusioned with the very unusual direction our life has taken. God help me to be content with what you are doing in our life at this time. I feel so burdened with all the change that's going on. It's not all happy change,in fact it's change that hurts. Our precious pooch Bess is dying before our eyes and I can barely handle it. A huge football size tumor in her lower abdomen. Yesterday I felt the shift that I guess I've inwardly known was coming. I felt the weight of that enormous tumor all day as if my waist had expanded and I'd gained 20lbs. She looked so uncomfortable as she trekked along with us to the beach. One last look at the ocean for all of us. In a matter of weeks we will be back in the mountains, with this part of our life here in Fla. remembered only in photographs. We had lunch at JP's Fish Camp and Bess laid so quiet on the concrete floor under my feet,lifting her head to a few little kids that stopped by to pet her. I fed her bits and pieces of my fish sandwich but her walk back to the car, tells me she's not up to par. It must be so uncomfortable with something that large sitting in your stomach. By the time we got home, she seemed to be moving so much slower. I gave her two pain pills and just laid with her, patting her head until she settled down on her bed of sofa cushions that Ira made for her. Now I wait this Easter morning for a miracle that I have to admit my weak faith is teetering on. I decided in the wee hours of the morning that all you have promised us God, is that you will be there with us THROUGH the difficult times. We pray so hard for you to remove the heavy weights that life deals to us but all you have really said is that you will be with us as we walk through them. God with us...that's it. The pain and suffering we must embrace. Embrace The Cross that song by Steve Green,has always been a favorite. I remember singing it to my sick iguana, Julius, years ago.
Just got a call at 7:35am from my baby boy, Ben, as I was sitting on the deck feeling very sad and weepy. What an Easter gift to me and so unusual to hear his voice so early. We talked for an hour. I cried, read him what I've written, cried,laughed, shared all that's going on in his life.....connected! Thanks God. I needed that on this Easter morning 2008.
