BACK HOME AGAIN

Wow, it's been so long. We ended our trials and tribulations in the South and have now settled back into our home in the mountains. We arrived a few weeks ago and after a few days of confusion and endless activity to try to carve some order out of it all, we did it!!! We had a whole household of STUFF to cram into any empty corner and the rest we put in a rented storage shed. The season lies before us and we will move into whatever God has lined up for us to do. Never, never did I see this time coming. When you are young you just don't foresee the future. You react in the present and you just do whatever it takes to keep the ball rolling. I guess I didn't expect that this shift in time and age would bring about another crossroad. But here we are and I really do feel very optimistic about it all. Ira and I are very much in love, we have five beautiful children that are in the throws of making it in this world, and most of all we have the love and protection of our God that is always with us in all our decisions, so it's all good.

Read the best book yesterday. The Shack by William Young. Such an amazing book. Kind of like a spiritual experience reading it. I cried, I laughed, I sat back and analyzed my beliefs. I felt closer to what God has been speaking to me these past few years; almost like a confirmation that I'm not crazy. It's been a long journey, taking the high road and being rejected by mainstream Christianity but I have to say I have never wavered or done anything contrary to who I am. This book was like a YES to my feelings of alienation from religion and it felt good. Ira has been out of town for several days and this is my time to retreat into the things that make me tick without any guilt. Very therapeutic!!!

First of the week we will both jump back into the working world and get busy with real estate and cars/stock market. New plan is to make a little more cash before we really drop out. I'm on the look out for a big chuck of land to build a self sufficient community with a restaurant on the property. We will know it, when we see it. A great way to tie the bow on the package!!

FAREWELL TO FLORIDA

Well, we are packing it up and making all the last minute arrangements for our departure on Friday. I am having mixed feelings of anticipation and regret. There have been so many experiences that I've grown to love here in the deep south and leaving will not be as easy as I thought. I hope that next winter will bring new adventures, somewhere sunny and warm but at this point we don't know where that might be. For now, we know that we have a lot of work to do in the mountains. Both Ira and I are going to jump back into the work arena as retirement has become rather boring. We are up for anything so it should be interesting! Along with the ending of our three years in Tavares, we are also mourning the loss of our beloved Bess. After three weeks of indecision and living with the constant dread of knowing the inevitable, we just did it. The tumor had grown so large in her stomach that it was hard for her to lay down. She remained a trooper...still wagging her tail and walking, not running, to get her tennis ball. When she stopped eating, we knew we didn't have long. And so you make the journey to the vet and do the unthinkable. I've been through it once before and I don't think it ever gets easier. She went peacefully, almost a sigh of relief that her pain was over. I don't know if dogs go to heaven but I do know that Love is what life is made up of and she was deeply loved. If God can honor that Love for eternity, then I think our family will have a couple of wet kisses and hugs awaiting us when we arrive...maybe even a piercing stare from my very much loved iguana of eight years,Julius. I hope so.

Ira and I are really experiencing the empty nest. No kids, no animals....just the two of us. It seems so strange not to have something to fuss over. I think it takes some adjustment time to comprehend living your life as just two. In the past it seemed that every move we made had to be thought out and weighed against so many other people and pets. It's a bit liberating to think you can just decide and go. Since we are really not quite ready to go back yet, we might even just drop off our stuff and go to Hilton Head for a few weeks. Yeah, we can do that if we choose to. If we didn't have all this furniture to deal with, we would just go from here but this sale on the house came sooner than we expected.

So....off we go into the sunset!! I'll finish this at the other end.

ODE TO BESS

EASTER MORNING 3-23-08

Still pitch black outside. Waiting for the big event.....the rising Son. All alone this year. Not all the excitement of past years where we were hurriedly making ham biscuits and coffee, trying to not be late for our sunrise boat ride on the lake with Bob and Sue. This year finds us in such a different circumstance. Just the two of us and somewhat disillusioned with the very unusual direction our life has taken. God help me to be content with what you are doing in our life at this time. I feel so burdened with all the change that's going on. It's not all happy change,in fact it's change that hurts. Our precious pooch Bess is dying before our eyes and I can barely handle it. A huge football size tumor in her lower abdomen. Yesterday I felt the shift that I guess I've inwardly known was coming. I felt the weight of that enormous tumor all day as if my waist had expanded and I'd gained 20lbs. She looked so uncomfortable as she trekked along with us to the beach. One last look at the ocean for all of us. In a matter of weeks we will be back in the mountains, with this part of our life here in Fla. remembered only in photographs. We had lunch at JP's Fish Camp and Bess laid so quiet on the concrete floor under my feet,lifting her head to a few little kids that stopped by to pet her. I fed her bits and pieces of my fish sandwich but her walk back to the car, tells me she's not up to par. It must be so uncomfortable with something that large sitting in your stomach. By the time we got home, she seemed to be moving so much slower. I gave her two pain pills and just laid with her, patting her head until she settled down on her bed of sofa cushions that Ira made for her. Now I wait this Easter morning for a miracle that I have to admit my weak faith is teetering on. I decided in the wee hours of the morning that all you have promised us God, is that you will be there with us THROUGH the difficult times. We pray so hard for you to remove the heavy weights that life deals to us but all you have really said is that you will be with us as we walk through them. God with us...that's it. The pain and suffering we must embrace. Embrace The Cross that song by Steve Green,has always been a favorite. I remember singing it to my sick iguana, Julius, years ago.

Just got a call at 7:35am from my baby boy, Ben, as I was sitting on the deck feeling very sad and weepy. What an Easter gift to me and so unusual to hear his voice so early. We talked for an hour. I cried, read him what I've written, cried,laughed, shared all that's going on in his life.....connected! Thanks God. I needed that on this Easter morning 2008.

HUNKERING DOWN IN BLOWING ROCK

Well here we are back in the mountains for a change of pace. We left last Sunday and decided to break the trip up with a stop in Hilton Head. I had a real estate closing on Wed.that I really felt I needed to attend and also accepted the job of taking care of Josh's dog while he and Gabe take a trip to Calif. Had a wonderful overnight in Hilton Head. We made the rounds and checked out our old favorite places and spent two hours on the beach the next day. Trying to decide on winter spots and Hilton Head is a possibility as well as Anna Maria Island Fla. We left mid afternoon and arrived in Blowing Rock by early evening. It was a beautiful day with full sun shinning which is unusual for this time of year in the mountains......but we didn't have to wait too long for the crazy mountain weather to arrive as by the morning we were in the middle of a blizzard!!! Big winds and about 5 inches of snow and FREEZING!! Wasn't sure I was going to get to my closing on Wed. but all went smoothly and a very big check was deposited in my account this morning. We are now babysitting the dogs and visiting old friends we haven't seen in awhile. We are out of here on the 5th and back to the business of moving out of the Fla. house by the end of April. Still no definite sale on either house but several good possibility's that keep us hopeful.

Ira and I have decided to do another restaurant but are not sure if it will be north or south. Another decision that will be made within these next few months. We are planning the theme,food and decor and looking at various locations in the mountains and the beach. All is quiet on the home front. Ben is doing well in school,Gabe and Josh are off on their Calif. adventure and Bethany and Eli are working hard. Life continues to be a series of events that always have us wondering what God is up to. Just watched Oprah's show this afternoon on the fabulous mid-life and I have to agree. This can be the best years of your life but the key is coming to the awareness of who you really are. This is the time when you stop all the activity of the younger years and narrow it down to what your hearts desire is. A time to do what you love and accept yourself for the perfect child of God that you are. I think we live so busy most of our lives that when you reach this time of life, we fail to see it as a beautiful time of reflection and new beginnings. Anyway it was good to hear so many positive stories from our peers. I'm moving slowly...but I'm getting there!

What has happened to the Blog????? Left out in the cold with too many other things demanding my time. Several others have been in the same rut......you know who you are!! Life is a big roller coaster at the moment and I guess I'm not up to recording it all, I save that for my journal. We are here in chilly Florida. The weather has not been very hot and sunny. We've had a few days but just as many cold and grey ones. Christmas has come and gone. We spent it in Orlando with Bethany this year and all but Eli flew in. She was decked out at her house and so we enjoyed a very carefree day. Beautiful tree and Christmas Eve service at her church and several days of a lot of cooking, eating, being together and saying thank you God for the one and only gift we'll ever need which is Jesus. We missed our Eli and Jill this year and hope that doesn't happen to often. They are busy with a new house and a new life and we understand. We're looking forward to this new year with a new direction for all of us. 2008 will be a banner year, I just know it!!!

Surge of uplifting thoughts fill me each morning as I begin my prayer time and the Holy Spirit whispers encouraging words that God if FOR SURE preparing something interesting this year that will lead us all into the path He's always known we will walk. So I'm trying to be patient as both houses are on the market. I feel like our life has a big For Sale sign on it but so far no takers. That could change any day which makes it kind of exciting as we wait.

I included a picture of my little squirrels that sit in the big oak tree near our deck. I'm not sure what happened to my birds. I always have a flock of them in my yard but this year they are very few and instead have an abundance of these little furry guys. I put out peanuts for them every morning and sit and watch their antics. Caught that photo of mom and dad or maybe brother and sister or maybe just friends, waiting for the goods. Whether it's birds or squirrels, cat or dogs, even the scary alligator...animals give me such pleasure. Can't bear the thought of harm coming to them and have such a protective feeling for them; also abused children. That's my weak spot in this life and often wonder if that area is where I should focus. When the dust settles from all this house, job children leaving the nest drama, I do pray that God is leading Ira and I into something more serving for 2008. I'm quite sick of running to satisfy our appetites. Life not centered on God is purposeless and meaningless. The first half has been producing a family and what a great responsibility and hard work that has been, but the labor from beginning to end is over and there is something ahead that is not yet clear...and so we wait. My word for 2008 is SURRENDER.

Well, we're back in sunny but freezing Florida. It was in the 30's last night and feels like home that's for sure. The night before we were on a tornado warning with heavy rain and wind very close to our town. So whats up with this weather?? I'm hoping it will warm up this week but I'm sure many floridians are welcoming this cool change. Ben and Gabe will be flying in on Saturday as we all get ready to begin the big count down. Not doing too much this year. We will do a Christmas Eve service at Bethany's church and then our Christmas dinner at her house the next day. We will miss Eli and Jill very much but they have so much on their plate this year that I think it's best they stay close to home. All went smooth with the closing on their new house, both got new cars and new jobs so Christmas came early for them. The rest of us are looking for jobs, cars and homes as we move into 2008. Ira and I are rethinking our move to this part of Florida and will spend the next few weeks investigating some new areas farther south. Both of our homes in N.C. and Fla. are currently on the market so we are at a place in our life where we are really seeking God's will for the future. We have enjoyed our semi retirement somewhat but realize you have to stay busy to be happy. I think I may have convinced Ira to do one more restaurant...just a little one....it will be fun!! So far he's listening, so if we find the right spot, it's a go. Will keep you posted, I know there is a change a coming. In the mean time we will put all of our cares aside and enjoy this blessed time to be with the ones we love the most, our family and friends. It's a time to appreciate all the many blessings God has bestowed on us over all these years. This past year has been one of the most trying for Ira and I as we seek to make some changes in our lives but I read somewhere that when a positive move is made, an obstruction is met. The question then is, will the challenge dismay and discourage you? When you go beyond just looking at your circumstances and rely on the Life within, it's not so hard to remain steadfast. Whatever happens, stand in your full spiritual stature and deny everything that is not of God. Nothing will then have power over you except God's perfect will. This Christmas is a time to say thank you God that you have created us to co-exist in this world with you by our side. Can't imagine it any other way. So Christ life wishes to all as we contemplate the only Gift we will ever need....Jesus!!

CHILLY DECEMBER DAYS

It's been awhile. Too much junk going on!! This picture of my soon to be daughter in law, sums it up as to how I feel. Anxious to begin the trek to Fla. just to break the monotony. Ira and I have decided retirement is not for us, at least not yet. We are off to find the journey that will lead us into this next phase of life. We will probably leave next week and go with anticipation that the Lord will reveal His perfect will for the future. We are thinking of starting up another little restaurant either here in the mountains or Fla. Since it is the beginning of the frigid weather here, we might as well give Fla. first choice. Have my eye on a few places. Put our house on the market in Tavares and will wait to see what transpires. So far , no offers but it's only been a few weeks. Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was a good thing to have all of the family together since this Christmas it will not be so. Eli and Jill will be in Pa. Gabe and Ben will fly to Fla. on the 22nd and for a change we will be having Christmas at Bethany's house. Everything is a little different this year and I'm trying to see that as a good thing. Change rocks our boats but sometimes it's necessary. Growth comes from moving out of our comfort zone and being willing to embrace the unknown. My Thanksgiving prayer this year was the fact that God is most assuredly with us. I am deeply thankful for that.

As I write this Eli and Jill are setting up house in Pittsburgh. They closed on their house yesterday and I can only imagine all that is going on tonight. Been there done that!!! Pray that they are keeping cool and calm in the midst of all that overwhelms them. I wish them love and laughter and music. Just put your favorite music on and it will all be OK!! And Ben is doing the same thing except with his roomie, Jordan in Wilmington. We hooked up the trailer Wed. and loaded up all the extras we had laying around, as in beds, lamps,dishes,towels,etc. and off we went on the 6 hour drive to coastal N.C to move him into his new house. It was sweet. Tiny little house but they love it and are planning to STUDY HARD, and create some beautiful music and grow up into the fine young men I know they will become. Our last hurrah was filling their fridge up, house blessings, kisses and hugs and that chapter was closed. Back on the road, getting home about midnight. With so many people in the family I am finding it very hard to detach. My heart is always with each one. We have our own life to concentrate on and it seems to always get pushed way back because their lives always take the forefront. Sometimes you feel like you're drowning. I really think this might be the year that we break through and everyone walks their own walk and we all meet in the middle. I want that.

PROUD MAMA

Today we actually had snow flurries and I am not liking that at all. Been busy getting all of Ira's inventory of cars sold and were a bit excited to learn that we have two showings today on our house in Florida. We had decided last week that we feel it would be better to let go of that house and invest in something different and lo and behold our neighbor realtor called us out of the blue and so it came to be. We think we still want to be in a warmer climate during the winter but not sure where. I will miss the beautiful sunsets but not the alligators!! Every year we would have one or two ominous looking creatures get very close to our shoreline and I was a basket case worrying about our pooch. This view is what it was all about. Every evening at sunset we would race down to our friends house or on to the boat and have cocktail hour in a setting that is hard to beat. So here it is and also a cute picture of two of my handsome boys, Ben and Gabe. They are in the white shirts looking oh so cool, with two of their friends. Also my sweet girl Bethany taken this summer on an outing with her grandparents. Sorry Popi, that I cut you off. I just wanted a good shot of Bethany. Looking forward to her visit in a few weeks.

Eli's First House

Well here it is! My
little boy has purchased his first home and we are all
very excited and proud of his accomplishments.
They are so excited and it is just the perfect fit for them. I even love the front door. So many new experiences await them as they begin these years together. I expect a wedding in the near future. Seems like we did it the other way around but they have a plan and I'm not interfering. All of us will gather here in the mountains for Thanksgiving. Wanted to include a picture of what this fabulous Fall looked like from my porch. I replaced my Spring photo with a Fall to give you an idea of how much the view changes. The colors were truly stunning. I think it was the best in a long time. The cool air is slowly creeping in. Turned up the heat last night and got out the big down comforters for the beds. Hope to be out of here before the second snowfall. The first is always magical but after that I'm ready to roll. Who knows maybe this Christmas we will all be making a trip to Pittsburgh. In our crazy family you never know what's around the corner. Chow

NOVEMBER DAZE

Been so very slack with my blog. Seems like there are always things to do and I get my writing fix in the mornings with my journal. That is one area that I am faithful in and am trying to do the same with this blog but it's slow going. So many things behind me now. Meetings, dinners, appointments get together's that were on the calender and were causing me stress are all done with. Hate to look at it that way but I operate better when the calender is clear and I can do as I please. Not very often!!! Yesterday was my beautiful son Josh's birthday. He is the ripe old age of 33 and told me this morning that he would rather be counting backward, as I'm sure we all would. Wish I could be there in sunny Florida to give him a big hug and to wish him well on this important day. He was the beginning of my walk with the Lord. A severely colicky baby that literally drove me to my knees asking God for mercy before I threw him out the window!! Instead God lovingly reached down and touched my heart with His love and patience and showed me that there was so much more to life than my discomfort in the moment. I was truly born again and have never been the same since. Even though there are and always will be rocky times, life just keeps getting better and better. So thank you Josh for being the spark that lit the fire that was smoldering in me all those years. Also not to forget Ben's big #20 on the 6th of Nov. The above photos were from a very simple but loving family dinner we had for him last week. His big surprise was an effects pedal for his guitar. He is taking his music to new levels and we are all anxiously looking forward to hearing some serious jamming over the holiday. Both Josh and Ben have written some new songs and are excited to play them for us. This year is going to be a bit different in that the men are cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Jill and I will be leaving early TK morning to pick up Bethany from the airport. It's a two hour drive so four hours total for the trip. Works well for me. The girls will be on clean up and look forward to what my talented chefs in the family come up with. Anticipation is high!!!

Fall In The Mountains

What a busy month October has been. Between remodeling our house,showing property and a constant stream of visitors, we have really been running. Our friends from Michigan, Bob and Ali, arrived Sat. afternoon and we began a fun weekend of catching up, eating, hiking, bike riding the Virginia Creeper Trail and more eating! Lots of fun but I am exhausted and ready to get back to normal. The air is turning cool and the leaves are starting to change. It has been such a wonderful summer even though I know we need the rain. Just a few more weeks and we will be packing it up to head south. I'm already feeling sad and not quite as anxious to leave. I do look forward to seeing two of my children that live there so that thought keeps me moving. For now I will relish every moment and bloom where I'm planted. Putting the finishing touches on the house so we can get it on the market. Tomorrow is painting day in the downstairs apt. Will include some recent pics of our weekend. It was Bob's birthday and Monday night we had a little dinner party for him. We crammed as much as we could in those few days and it was FUN.

Let Us Enter Into Ourselves....Time Presses!

Maintain your abiding place! That is my thought this morning. It has been a very frenzied week with many things going on in various directions. After coming into the revelation of the Rest, I am constantly quickened when I sense my self slipping back to that place of control. I at least am getting sensitive to it. I only feel happy and content when I am resting in the shadow of you Lord. Help me to not move about so much and just rest in your perfect supply.

I think I will try to find a Glow Baby. I remember there was something like that years ago. A doll that lights up with a warm glow when you hug it or push a button. I just felt that glow of the Spirit and it reminded me of it. Such a near and dear comfort God has given us in the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit Glow.

Poem by Denise Levertov....one of my favorites

Your secret was not the craftsman's delight in process,
which doesn't distinguish work from pleasure.
Your way was not to exalt nor avoid the Adamic legacy,
you simply made it irrelevant;
everything faded thinned to nothing, beside the light
which bathed and warmed the Presence your being
had opened to. Where it shone, there life was and
abundantly; it touched your dullest task and the task
was easy, joyful, absorbed.
You practiced the presence of God as a musician practices
hour after hour his art; A stone before the carver, you
entered into yourself.

Beautiful!!!

Diming Of The Day

Just had a feeling that I wanted to describe and then said, no, I can't describe it. I then picked up a book and turned to this poem by Kitty Crenshaw for a friend of hers and it spoke it perfectly.

Obscurity is the final phase

The hidden are those chosen then released.

They wear no garnish amid reality, no fame,

they serve unobtrusively without the noise of fame.

Yet peace burns through them like a flame.

Amazing Spirit....this is Kitty's description of ministry:

"I will help you carry that for while until you are strong enough, until you have found the ground of your being, until you understand this ever greater opening up to love. I will walk with you through this until the time comes when you can carry your cross alone.

It cost God everything and it couldn't cost us any less. I have learned that life is a joyful dance, but we must have the courage and the hunger to step into the dance. God is the dancer. Are we going to let Him dance us any way He wants, any time, any place?? It hurts sometimes but it's part of the dance and it hurts much more if we resist."

And our lives finally begin to speak.

You are awesome God. I appreciate so much what I see you are doing in others. I have no idea what you're doing in me.

OUR OVERNIGHT AT LAKE LURE

Sunday morning, up bright and early and off on an adventure. We have planned a short but sweet meet up with our dear friends and neighbors from Fla. who are spending a few months in Tenn. We decided to meet half way and both arrived around noon. Our destination was The Lodge At Lake Lure. It is a gem of a place tucked in the woods overlooking the incredibly beautiful Lake Lure. Situated about an hour from Asheville in a serene setting you almost feel like you are in an Adirondack lodge. I had packed a picnic lunch of cold salmon, chicken and cheese and crackers and of course a good bottle of wine. We opted to have our picnic on the deck of the boathouse while we waited for the 3:00 pm check in. It couldn't have been a more perfect day as you can see in the pics. Happy hour in the living room, dinner in town and a gourmet breakfast the next morning and our get away was coming to an end. One perfect day on this mountain lake.

Rambling

Weird night. Just watched the next to the last episode of Big Brother and I'm sad. I really was pulling for good vs. evil and once again I'm let down. Just shake my head and get the inner words of "you're in this world but not of it." Why does the negative image always prevail????
Such a bad message to the world but seems to be the one that on the surface prevails. I admit that I get discouraged from time to time but it doesn't make a dent in what I believe is true and good in this world. I just see that you have to have faith in who you are and believe in a God that has indwelled man and Stand, no matter what you see in the visable. It's hard. I know it's silly to even see that divison in a reality show but man......that evil Dick was the end all of a bad guy. He made my skin crawl!!! So of course he and his daughter are the big winners. They were the best players and so you have to give them that. Best player wins.......get over it.

On to more important things. Leaving on an overnight to Lake Lure. Trying to add a picture of our day on the farm with our friends in Ashe County. They just bought an amazing piece of the world. 40 acres and a little farm house in God's country. I'm getting the feeling that this might be the new surge. Find a spot of ground you can claim and build your world. If you're looking, let me know, I'll find you you're special space.

Bass Lake

My favorite time of the day is early evening when I take Bess for her daily walk around the lake. I call her my personal trainer, as she doesn't allow me any slack in the exercise department. Sometimes I'm too tired and want to take a break but her disappointed look with leash hanging out of her mouth turns me to mush. I know it's the only thing she looks forward to everyday so how can I let her down. I'm always thankful when I'm there, as Bass Lake is incredibly beautiful with 25 miles of trails through rhododendron forests that meander along the Blue Ridge Parkway. The quaint little town of Blowing Rock is just a few miles down the road. I'll try to get some pictures of our town to post. Boone is only 8 miles down the mountain and we're all still celebrating our big win last week......Appalachian State against University of Michigan.!!! So proud.