A ROOM OF ONE'S OWN

SCRAMBLED EGGS

2010-08-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

Here's the thought process. I need to write on my blog. It's been so long and I just haven't felt the urge. Nothing really interesting to write about. From there my mind went to...."I need to eat an egg. I haven't eaten an egg in like a month and my body is telling me...have an egg". I then thought how great to be so in tune with your body that it can speak to you and let you know what it needs to consume for your optimal health. It's the voice of the Holy Spirit that guides and directs your path and it is such a comforting way to live. If I trust it and stay on track, I can be sure of success. So eggs it will be this morning. It's been like killing two birds with one stone; the mind of Christ gave me something to write about as well as making my body happy. Interesting how that all happens. All it takes is a second or two of surrender to the nudge of Spirit to begin. Seems like your flesh is fighting you tooth and nail. There is a moment every minute of the day where we make a choice to live out of flesh or Spirit. I have started lately to pray more earnestly for guidance in the small things rather than the big things. I'm finding I can't get through a day lately unless the Lord is holding my hand. This has been a very tough year for me. Sometimes I'm OK, just treading water and then one day you wake up and feel like you're sinking. I want to write about it but pride gets in the way. I guess I don't want to admit that I could be capable of drowning. Of course I know that to drown would mean that I've disconnected and I pray that would never happen but it's a scary feeling nonetheless. Need to find my old Madame Guyon books on this "dark night of the soul" that I never could understand so many years ago. Frankly I never wanted to understand it because I refused to go there. As if I thought this beautiful mystic woman was behind me and I had leaped to a high place where I was invincible. Ha!! Who's laughing now!!? I think there must be a very deep valley that we all must cross to reach the high places. I've been teetering around the edges for so long and the past few years I feel like I've fallen in. Help me God to not fight it and just embrace it. I know that just like the voice of the Spirit to eat an egg for the health of my body; the push to stay low and glean all the emotions of despair are for a reason. Sharing in the fellowship of His sufferings is a very deep topic for discussion. How else can we relate to the crying out of the lost if not that we have tasted that pain in some way. The best person to help someone is one who has been there and come through. So I will leave you with my meditation for this day which is found in the Letters Of The Scattered Brotherhood:

"When trapped by walls of disappointment and tempted to panic by disordered thinking...calmness is the only solution for men, for the acts of Providence are so hidden it is hard to understand how delicate are the influences emanating from you..from your mind. There are great changes that come about in the darkest hours when there is no hope and the encircling gloom is terrifying to the heart and it is difficult for the human to understand the power of that moment. Calmness in the midst of chaos, serenity in the midst of feverish activity is the secret that all commanders must know.....the secret revealed in crises, that the soul that is calm with controlled emotion is performing an act of faith. The easier you play the game of fortitude the more relaxed you become to each challenge of impatience, the more you control your destiny. To do this you must remember your way back into the very center of your being...to that eternal fountain of refreshment within. Otherwise you block, frustrate and delay what God is doing and a frantic spirit is a stupid one!! Refuse this frantic littleness; stand and wait......and now go eat your eggs!!

Surprise,Surprise

2010-07-02T09:10:00.000-07:00

Has it been a whole month since I've written?? This one just flew by and
makes me feel a little crazy inside thinking about how fast life is marching on. Gone are the days of looking forward to the future....now I just want time to stand still so I can appreciate every moment. Within the past few years the dimensions of my family circle have grown so much larger and there just doesn't seem to be enough time to be in all the places I need to be. One place that I was in a few weeks ago where I was able to reach out and touch all those in my circle was a surprise birthday party given by my children that will forever live in my heart and memories. I have thrown many a surprise party in my lifetime but this one was for ME and if it never happens again,which it probably won't, I'm a contented woman!!

They all conspired for many months, planning and perfecting every detail to put this together and most of all to keep me in the dark, which is a pretty hard thing to do. I usually figure these things out but I really had no clue.
The plan was to arrange a canoe trip down the New River in Ashe County where we would spend the night at a friend of my son's house. That sounded like a nice relaxing birthday. This was the big 6-0 and I really was not thrilled with making a big deal about entering a new and rather "old" decade so a canoe ride, dinner at Shatley Springs and some porch rocking sounded like a good way to spend the weekend. Little did I know when we floated down the river and came around the bend, that all the people running down the hill screaming Happy Birthday, was for me!!

They got me good!!! People I hadn't seen in years; old friends, new friends, all my children, my sister, just about everyone that has played a special part in my life. Oh my goodness!!! I was moved to tears and still am when I think about it.

First time seeing my daughter with her little baby pooch. Talk to her almost every day but to hug her neck and see that little life starting to show itself was a gift in itself. So much laughter and love and appreciation for what these children put together for their mother is beyond words. I pray that every mother gets to experience this. So many friends were there, all to wish me well and I can't even put in words how happy I was. My best friend from high school was in the crowd and when I saw her face I really fell apart.

So much joy everywhere. It really has made turning 60 not so bad. My friend Cindy brought out this beautiful birthday cake (they spelled surprise wrong) but it was so pretty and delicious that no one noticed.

Some heart felt toasts from family and friends and then it was on to lawn games, playing in the river and just visiting. They had rented two houses right next to each other, so we had the whole weekend to love up on each other. What can I say?? When I got home Sunday night I needed to go find a quiet corner of the house to just sob!! I had been holding back so much emotion for two days and I knew it had to come out at some point. They all were now returning to their lives, the party's over and I am missing them all so much. That's enough to make me cry!!

Did I mention that the most beautiful baby boy in the world was there and I got a chance to hold and kiss my Isiah for two whole days. It just couldn't have been any better.

I can get very caught up in all the daily trials we go through each week and something like this makes you forget it all and realize how very blessed you are. God has been so good to me and has always been that strong foundation in my life. I give Him all the credit for everything that we have and for my faithful and loving husband that has stood with me almost 40 years. That love is what has produced these five wonderful children and they are now sowing the seeds for their futures. I think they are off to a good start!!

Needed To Hear This

2010-06-01T04:11:00.000-07:00

All Progress in the Christian life is predicated upon disillusionment.

. . . the Bible does not say, "God will never give you more than you can bear."

Au contraire, God is committed to doing precisely the opposite and that is the very dilemma which so often brings us into conflict with Him and His above-the-line purposes for our lives. Nobody, it seems is exempt from this treatment. The Apostle Paul, in his writings, spells it out with chilling clarity - "For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again." (2 Cor. 1:8-10)

. . . Depression is and can only be the product of misplaced dependency. As long as we still believe ourselves to be independent selves and we do not count ourselves dead to sin, the devil has an opportunity to dwell in the mortal flesh. Burnout occurs at the point where reality does not match expectation. In any area in which we invest our creativity, passion, heart or ability to make a contribution with a view to either consciously or unconsciously derive identity, value or self-worth apart from Christ, we have entered a burnout zone.

Burnout is the divine antidote to bring a believer into full union recognition with God through love. In order to accomplish this, there must be a necessary purging of the sensory part of the soul from its attachments to that which is not God.

-- Paul Anderson-Walsh, The Bonsai Conspiracy

NEW LIFE!!

2010-05-03T11:52:00.000-07:00

Well the last week was a week to remember. If being overjoyed with the anticipated arrival of Spring and witnessing the gorgeous signs of new birth wasn’t enough.....one more whisper of new life being fashioned and formed was about to descend and my world was on the verge of being shaken once more. It started out like any other day. I worked until about two o’clock and was not particularly agitated or stressed in any way. I did some preview viewings of a few houses with a fellow agent in my office and went home to take Max for a walk but the minute I got home I felt very overcome with emotion. Tried to shake it off and figure out what was going one with me. I just wanted to sit down and cry but couldn’t figure out what exactly was the problem. I decided to clean house, as that is always a remedy to release pent up emotions but the entire time I talked, argued and counseled myself for any number of reasons as to why I was feeling so fragile. This went on for hours, until I gave in and just sat down on the bed and cried.....and I mean cried!! I sobbed into Max’s furry neck and I know gave him the first glimpse of human distress that he has ever seen in his one year old life. His concerned look and sheepish demeanor told me that he loved me and was sorry that I was sad.

Pulled myself together and carried on, still puzzled by this overwhelming feeling of emotion that seemed to come out of nowhere. Got dinner started and when Ira came home I didn’t say anything. I think I wanted to see if he could pick up on the fact that I was not myself....but of course he didn’t and so I decided to just shake it off, have dinner and just go to bed and tomorrow would be a new day.

Well the phone rang about 8:30pm and my one and only daughter gave her usual cheery hello and asked what I was doing. Watching "Dancing With The Stars" was my teary eyed reply. She asked me to get on line as she wanted to show me something. She said to have her Dad come look too, so after a few minutes of connecting to the internet we were up and running. I’m thinking, it must be something with the new house they are remodeling, maybe a new paint color or a picture of the awnings. As I clicked on the download a very different picture came into view.

Can I convey what I felt in mere words on this page?? I don’t think I will ever be able to verbalize what happened in that moment. There before my eyes, was a sonogram of my newest grandchild......a baby lying in the womb of my little girl!!! I jumped off the chair, handed the phone to Ira and out of my mouth came a wail like cry that merged into a laugh, then back to a sob that I’ve never experienced before. My daughter who I at many times doubted whether she would ever find her true love, let alone experience childbirth, was smack dab in the middle of her dream come true and mine as well. That sob I uttered was filled with gratitude, thanksgiving, relief, joy and most importantly the anticipation of the love that she will finally know and experience for herself when she and Brian hold that dear one in their arms.

Would I have had this reaction if she was in her twenties....I’m not sure. Is it a mother/daughter thing.....again I don’t know. All I know is that something has broken this past year in my heart. We have a whole list of hopes and dreams for our children and when they don’t line up exactly as we had hoped, I think we make an emotional adjustment to support them in whatever state they are in but secretly we call out to God to give us and them the desire of our hearts. That is what this has been for so long.....a desire of the heart that God has given and I am so thankful for it. Bethany has waited, been patient, cheerful and content in whatever place she found herself in and I admire that tremendously. There might just be something special about waiting for the right events to manifest themselves into your life rather than forcing and forming something that is just not ready to happen.

As I think on these things, I realize that the same movement is going on in my life these past years. So anxious to put into motion what I think I want/need in my marriage, business ,living situation and I get very impatient with God because He seems to be so silent sometimes. Was my wail of emotion all about Bethany or was there a cry of relief to realize that God is enough!!! He has written my life on His heart and He knows every twist and turn that I am experiencing and has given me many instances to ponder on the word....Wait! I trust Him with my life and with theirs and I am starting to see a glimpse of the bigger picture and it is more than I could have hoped for. I am being constantly reminded to stop looking at the seen and lean more to the unseen. In doing that you must rely on your faith that God is a Father who loves his children and wants them to be happy. He has made me very happy this past week and given me insight into a few things I have been struggling with. Life is a tapestry that He is weaving and the finished work is beautiful.

“Weave in faith and God will find the thread.” ~Author Unknown

Spring In The Mountains

2010-04-12T09:57:00.000-07:00

A rainbow is a good way to get the season off to a good start and this one was a real doozy!! One of those sights where you jump off the couch and say "oh my gosh.....look at that rainbow" and then just stand there in awe until you realize time is ticking and if you don't get your camera, you will be kicking yourself!!

The weather has been incredible the past few weeks which is why my writing and reading have taken a back burner. You just want to be outside soaking up all this glorious sunshine. I feel a stronger appreciation for the blue skies this time around and I was wondering why it hit me so hard this year. As I was walking down the road the other day I almost got choked up remembering Ira and Max and I trudging down the same road a few months ago, wrapped up in hats and scarfs and gloves, fighting off the harsh winds and blinding snow coming at us full force and a shot of emotion just filled me, on this now beautiful spring day with all signs of new life and green grass and sunshine bursting forth. For some reason life becomes more meaningful when we weather the storms and come through on the other side. I've found this to be true in all walks of life. Especially in business we have always said that our success was due in part to the extreme difficulties we were able to handle in those beginning years. We looked back and knew that we had earned everything we had worked so hard for and had a sense of pride to know that we didn't give up.

So.... as much as I complained about the winter, it is now over and good times are ahead. This has been an exciting time in our family as we all came together to share in the wedding vows of Gabe and Katie on March 20th and a perfect and most beautiful wedding it was. We all participated, our family and Katie's, to make it a very memorable occasion. About 60 people came together in a beautiful beach house on Topsail Island and we witnessed the coming together of a young man and woman. Their love for each other was evident and I think we all took away a sense of how simple love can be. He loves her, she loves him and we all love them......let's celebrate!!

Being together with my entire family for several days was an added bonus for me. It was hard to let my grandson go on that last day. He is 6 months old already and as the days tick by, I realize how fast he is growing up. I so wish we were closer to share in all of the day to day but will have to be content to cherish these small moments of contact and hope that in the future that will change.

For now Ira and I are concentrating on establishing some kind of new business to get us through the next 20 or so years of our life. Real Estate is picking up a little, his car business is showing signs of life and there is still the nagging feeling of wanting to start another restaurant so I've got my hands and head full of idea's. One thing I've noticed is how important inspiration and encouragement are in life. Maybe not all people but I know for myself, when I get a pat on the back or a "you can do it" from someone, it becomes the green light for me. I am an idea person for sure. I have a million things spinning through my head at all times but have difficulty putting anything into action. It's a wonder we ever got the restaurant started but we did and it became a landmark in our community so I know we have it in us to do great things. That chapter ended many years ago and since then we have entered into a sort of winter of life. Sleepy,cold,dark months of hibernation which remind me of the discontentment of this past winter. Maybe that is why it has hit me so hard this year as I am realizing that each season has it's purpose:

"He is like a tree planted by streams of water
which yields its fruit in season and whose
leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers."
Psalms 1:3

Thank God that it says our leaves will not wither for I have certainly felt the past year like we were withering and it has been a true test in our marriage to just lift each other up when things got rough. It seems when I am down, Ira came through for me and vice versa. Thank God that we're never both down at the same time. I think that is what marriage is all about. A partnership through the good times and the bad with the knowledge that the two of you can get through anything together, knowing that someone will always have your back.

So we have two marriages in the family now and I am happy to say that I see this strong bond of support in both of these new families. I see a determined outlook of love and support and hard work in each face and that gives me great comfort. Ira and I will celebrate 40 years in August. 40 years of faith and trust and dependency on God and each other. These new marriages are just beginning and I pray that they keep the faith and appreciate the great adventure they have undertaken......the union of a man and woman.....the marriage of body, soul and Spirit.

GABRIEL AND KATIE

2010-03-15T06:42:00.000-07:00

THE CHAPEL OF LOVE (Dixie Cups)

Spring is here
The sky is blue
(whoa-whoa-whoa)
Birds all sing
As if they knew
Today's the day
They'll say I do
And they'll never be lonely anymore
Because they're
Goin' to the chapel and they're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel and they're
Gonna get married
Gee, he really loves her and they're
Gonna get married
Goin' to the chapel of love
Bells will ring
The sun will shine
(whoa-whoa-whoa)
She'll be his and
He'll be fine
They'll love until
The end of time
And they'll never be lonely anymore.

I DO

2010-02-20T09:40:00.000-08:00

HIGHLIGHT OF THE MONTH!!!!! My one and only daughter is engaged and the heart that has been so cautious and concerned for her happiness is finally bursting with joy! It happened on Valentine's Day and I about broke my leg jumping off the bed when I received this picture on my phone and saw 38 yrs.of anticipation,hopes and dreams, gut wrenching tears of disappointment and broken hearts flash before my eyes. Finally her knight in shinning armor whom she has been dating for a few years now has asked for her hand in marriage. No exact date yet planned.

Speaking of weddings we took a much needed trip to the coast of N.C. last week to put the plans in motion for my son Gabriel and his soon to be bride Katie's upcoming wedding. It was so very good to take these few days and see and hear something other than the frozen street out my window and the sound of the snow plow roaring up Greenhill Rd. We introduced Max to the ocean which was a sight to see. We got a glimpse of the house that the wedding will take place in and also spent two nights listening to Ben's music as he played solo for the first time at a restaurant on Topsail Island. I forgot my camera and so was not able to get any pictures so you will have to take my word for it....he was awesome!!! He sang and played for almost two hours all his own music and songs which we still can't get over. He always had a knack for poetry growing up so I guess it just comes natural to him and his Dad and I were very proud to say the least.

The four of us were able to spend many hours discussing all the details of this March wedding and took notes of all the nooks and corners of the house and where everyone will sleep and visualizing the whole setup. I feel so much better now that I have a clear picture of how this will all happen. So it was a wonderful weekend..... and then we had to come home... just in time for the next snowstorm!! We barely made it to the house when we heard they were shutting roads down because of the danger of the freezing rain and several accidents on the main road from the beach to the mountains!!!!

This winter has just been very hard to handle. Haven't written much, haven't read much, haven't even listened to much music which is a sure sign in my world that something is off. The frigid weather that has descended on the whole east coast has made life very difficult. I'm sure if we lived in the big city, life would go on but here in our little mountain town when we get over a foot of snow and several bouts of ice and freezing rain.....everything stops. Granted this is unusual and I know that Spring weather is around the corner but the lack of activity and sparse money coming in from a business that is pretty much out of business has made it tough going. It's funny how the well of creativity and spontaneity seems to dry up when you are in this rut. We have been cooking more since sometimes we go for several days not being able to get out of the house and in doing so are coming up with more ideas for the future dream of the new restaurant that we always talk about. Still searching for the perfect spot but it just doesn't seem to want to appear. The two new engagements that have appeared on the horizon have been like a life line thrown to me. It makes me center on what will be rather than what is.

And so we wait. I feel very confident that something is around the corner. I am doing my best to be an encourager to my husband who is having a hard time with the waiting. I like this translation of 1Peter 5:6-7

"So be content with who you are and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you. He'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God, He is most careful with you."

I love the thought that God is "most careful with me."

DAY 10/Update

2010-01-23T09:54:00.000-08:00

Just getting ready to cross the finish line. I remember last year that as far as you come on this fast, the last day is a hard one to do. For some reason you feel like it's over and so you tend to not be as strict with yourself on the last day. I think we went to Carraba's last year and I ordered some veggies but then when it came could only pick at them. Since I'm working all day today it's making it easier. Sipping on my juice and will maybe eat an orange today. Definitely worth all the effort. I've lost over 10lbs. and feel soooo much better. Feel healthy,cleaned and ready to start this new year off going back to my vegetarian ways and being a part of the solution rather than the problem of what's happening to our food supply in this country. Saw the film Food,Inc. and it only confirmed what I was feeling.

So as we are inching into a new month, I feel invigorated and optimistic about new opportunities and adventures that are just around the corner. Answered prayer has been abundant in the past few weeks in our family. Thank you God that you say "ask and it will be given to you". You don't specify the length of time in between but that's OK, as I know that each day brings new revelations in the bigger picture.

The weather is beyond dreary and it is very hard to even try to think of something fun to do in this pea soup fog. Thinking about bowling....or the jazz concert tonight at the Meadowbrook. A new day of eating lies ahead but for some reason I am very hesitant to jump back to where I just came from. Need to be very cautious and not let my flesh call the shots. Very grateful that God is always cheering us on to grow in body,soul and spirit. That thirst for being all that He see's in me is what keeps me motivated.

THOUGHTS ON FASTING

2010-01-16T04:45:00.000-08:00

Well I have started this intense ten day fast once more and I want to put down some thoughts that are racing through my head before I forget. It was maybe around this time last year that I did it and for me once a year is plenty. I started yesterday and I have to say it was not easy. Gabe and Katie are also taking on the challenge but as Gabe is mad at me at the moment, I'm not sure if I'll get much support from them.
Anyway.......first day feelings:
Hesitancy
Excitement
Dread
Hunger
Headache
Missing coffee

Trying to keep busy which is hard as I'm not real busy at the moment.
Going to the health food store to get the lemons, cayenne pepper was fun. Seeing all the healthy foods got my Spirit excited about getting back on track with my eating habits. I've gotten very slack the last few months and I really need to do this for myself.Once your mind gets in control of your body it's crazy how all you think about is healthy foods. I remember drooling over pictures of tomatoes and spinach and broccoli. You start craving what is good for you.

Constant voice of the flesh that this is going to be really hard. Quit,Quit,Quit
Realizing how much of my life is spent thinking about food,preparing food,eating food and planning food for the next day. Our whole social life with friends and each other involves food and drink.

Evening was difficult.
Watching Ira make a delicious dinner doesn't help but I'm grateful that he is willing to take care of himself so I don't even have to think about it.
Missing my glass of wine.
Bored and know that being busy is very important but what can I do in the evening to be busy?? Maybe work on the script.
Taking Max for a walk in the evening helped.We love walking around the neighborhood at night. It's so quiet and no cars to worry about.
Surprised at how tired I was by 9pm
Drank my poop tea....Yuck
One day down and I will now call it a day.

Woke up with my whole body buzzing
Slept very well. Strange dreams. Dreamed that I was watching a video of pieces of my life. One scene in particular was of me in a wedding dress,veil and all
and Ira in a tux, running down a hill. We started running but were bumping into each other laughing, falling down and getting up,toppling over grabbing each other and rolling over as we descended down, laughing all the way. My thoughts as I was looking at it were Awwww..how funny and sweet. When I woke up I thought a lot about how when we get to heaven I'm sure that we will be able to look at a high tech video of our whole life and how that little snippet really does represent our life. Running the race with so many crazy,funny and heart wrenching episodes all the way. I'm sure our life will be in the Comedy section.

The part we are in right now is the pause as the next scene is being set up so I'm expecting the last chapter to be hysterical.
It's funny that Ira and I have been writing a screen play of our life and the last chapter or at least an outline has already been written. I do hope it ends that way.

A new day has begun. It's 6am and I'm starting to get that overwhelming feeling of hunger and how I can't possibly do this fast. They say day 1,2 and 4 are the hardest. I have had a few symptoms of some problems that I am believing that this fast will knock out. It very well could. As something negative is trying to take hold,your determination of the positive for health and wholeness sheds light on it and it evaporates. I know this is a good thing and I also know that the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Help me Lord.

PIONEERS, OH PIONEERS!!!

2010-01-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

I have uttered that phrase from Walt Whitman's inspiring poem so many times during my 30+ years living here in the mountains but thought those infant days of survival were neatly tucked into past memories and then.....the winter of 2010 came creeping in and I realized with a chuckle that not much has changed in our lives in 35 yrs. Christmas came to our little corner of the world with a blast. The sixteen inches of snow wasn't enough the week before and so on Christmas morning when I faintly heard the sound of ice hitting the glass doors in the living room, I decided I better make coffee,heat up the house and gather candles because the predicted ice storm was becoming a reality. Power was out by 9am and there I sat quickly forming a plan of survival. My daughter and her fiance were already on their way from Orlando. Our tiny tree was decorated and ready for the gifts to be placed and Benjamin was soundly sleeping and oblivious to the impending danger of falling limbs that were swaying in the wind just over his room. I had the unsettling thought that if the power doesn't go back on pretty quick, we just might have a problem. Well...it didn't and in fact did not go back on for three days and thus the "Oh Pioneer,Oh Pioneer" refrain came marching in and throughout the next three days and into the next week of temperatures in the below zero range, we were able to put into practice the persevering mentality of our life here in the mountains of North Carolina.

When we moved to this little town from Michigan we really thought we were moving South. We believed all the stories of "Oh, if it snows, it melts by the afternoon", "mild winters, real mild winters". We might have gotten a clue when that first winter of 76 the public schools were closed for 8 weeks straight, or maybe the next year when we had to walk through the woods with three small children to even get into our house because the driveway was a sheet of ice or the many winters of riding a sled down to our car and then pulling groceries back up on that sled later in the day. Not to mention the hundreds of broken pipes...yes Ira could become a plumber by now if need be. Winters are tough, no doubt about it, but I thought those days were behind us when we moved to Florida for the winters. Little did I know that "life is what happens while we are making other plans". We have found our life taking a 180 degree turn and sometimes I wonder if we're going forward or backwards but throughout it all we have never let go of the Lord's hand and so we trudge on, knowing that perseverance is a quality of the Spirit that is developed.

Christmas 2009 was surely a different one. We call it the Christmas that wasn't as we all were in limbo for the entire day. The day after Christmas became our day of celebration. Bethany and Brian arrived safely and we packed up all the food and gifts and caravaned over to Gabe and Katie's cabin in the woods where a brightly lit Christmas tree and a roaring fire awaited us. The boys were jamming on piano and guitars and the smell of a turkey in the oven painted a picture of a "little house on the prairie Christmas". Bethany who is our "glass half full girl", happily sang out, "Now this is Christmas!!

A few days later as we began to make preparations for the big New Years Eve celebration, a knock on the door ushered in my Christmas gift from our absent family, Jill and Eli. A baby... in a car seat stared up at me and I quickly realized it was... My Baby!!! My baby Isiah and his giggly parents peeking from behind the bushes!! Oh my....this was turning out to be one big turn of events that I never saw coming.

Christmas was fun, New Years Eve even more fun and I'm learning through trial and error to go with the flow. If I had known what was coming down the pike this holiday season, I'm sure I would have spent countless hours worrying, fretting and trying to twist and turn situations that were out of my control. I was surrounded with love and happiness this Christmas and am very thankful for my unconventional family and my Father in heaven that continually allows life to be anything but boring.

I hope and pray that 2010 will deliver a bucket full of new situations and circumstances that will provide the opportunities for me to grow and to keep in mind the ending of the poem:

"Has the night descended?
Was the road of late so toilsome? did we stop discouraged nodding
on our way?
Yet a passing hour I yield you in your tracks to pause oblivious,
Pioneers! O pioneers!

Till with sound of trumpet,
Far, far off the daybreak call--hark! how loud and clear I hear it wind,
Swift! to the head of the army!--swift! spring to your places,
Pioneers! O Pioneers!"

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

SO THANKFUL

2009-12-06T06:37:00.001-08:00

Been very slack the past few weeks with my writing. Just never enough time and when I do find I have an extra hour or two, I tend to spend it cleaning which is the thankless task that seems to never have any finality to it. Our horse of a dog is now becoming somewhat of a problem. Either we get a bigger house on about ten acres or we resign ourselves to a life of constant aggravation,dog hairs and wear and tear on the house that an animal this large inevitably brings. What were we thinking??? But oh the other side of the coin.....the joy and love that he brings which has made me realize these past few weeks, that there are two sides of love...the agony and the ecstasy. This topic of agony or the sacrifice for the better came up several times this past weekend. It made me stop and think about how true it is that suffering is woven in our life from the moment we are born and was woven in Jesus' life as well. Much has been written on this process of purification that exists when we acknowledge that God is always stripping away the negative to make way for the positive. In this process there is a division that is inevitable. As we walk through it,we sometimes whine and complain and when it's too hard, cry out to God...Why???, but in hind sight we always see the bigger picture and thank God that we have a Father that won't let us take the easy route. He uses our life experiences to perfect us and form us day by day,moment by moment into what we are suppose to look like in the Spirit.

This Thanksgiving 2009 was probably one of the best gatherings that we have had in a long time. I'm not sure why, as we always have our large family together with a ton of delicious food but for some reason this year it just flowed at an easier pace and of course I can't put enough emphasis on the fact that our new baby grandson was a part of the picture....a very big part.

Ira's parents were here and the children especially enjoyed interacting with them. George going on 92 and Nellie 87 were in rare form, both looking and feeling good. Eli made the comment that a very rewarding time this weekend was spent having conversation with his grandfather and that George seems so different in his old age; much kinder,more interested in wanting to know what was going on in his life and eager to share stories of his long journey in this world. His comment was "it's too bad he wasn't that kind of grandfather while we were growing up." I noticed Ira staring off into space and I knew what he was thinking...what kind of father have I been and will my children have those same thoughts about me? I thought to myself, do the mistakes of our youth come back to haunt us and are they the sacrifices that we carry to perfect the future? I could feel that very moment that Ira was taking mental note of the kind of grandfather that he wants to be to Isiah and I know that Eli is doing many things different in his role as father than he experienced from Ira, in hopes of perfecting his image of a good father. So it seems each generation carry's some kind of a load to better the next.

In Scripture it says that there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus so as long as we are living by the Spirit of God we can at least know that God uses our mistakes for the good.....always for others. The task now at hand involves recognizing the old, impure part of us and grasping the revelation of the perfect. As Norman Grubb many times said, "you have to know who you aren't in order to know who you are." I have to give my mother credit......she was a great grandmother to my kids. Not so much as a mother to me but then maybe she finally got her revelation of unconditional love by the time my kids came along. I've had my share of sacrifice as well and I hope that all the pain I carried as a child has made a difference and is perfecting our ongoing generations. I guess we will never get it absolutely perfect until we sit as children in the Father's house in heaven and finally see the "big picture!"

So for now I am sitting back with a big smile on my face as I look at this picture of a family.......it is my family with all it's wonderful imperfections that are being LIVED out, day by day. I hope we all won't be too hard on each other as we move through life and realize that love is the glue that holds it all together and we do love each other more than words can express.

Answered Prayers

2009-11-18T10:58:00.000-08:00

In so many areas I am giving thanks these past few weeks. It seems like God hears my never ending pleas for this and that but rarely the overflowing song of thanksgiving. I have indeed been jumping up and down with happiness for how the Lord worked out my son's employment,moving,new baby,selling their house and starting life up in a new city all in the knick of time!! Does it seem like sometimes God pushes us in this corner of uncertainty maybe as a testing? All I know is that I did not pass the test with flying colors as I spent many months,days,hours WORRYING and honestly had my doubts at time if it would all work out. Of course when it does and it always does, I am terribly convicted with my lack of faith. He has never,ever forsaken me,let me down in any area of my life but still I allow the unknown to frighten me and steal my peace. So... lessons learned and life goes on.

Through all these recent bumps in the road another big step of growth is with my husband. Talk about patience and waiting......I have been waiting for us to be One in Christ for 33 yrs and all of a sudden one day it happened. I heard words I've never heard from him. He has always been a believer but he never understood the surrendered life and so most of our lives he has been very self absorbed. He couldn't grasp what it means to be crucified in Christ. Your life at that point is not your own, it is God living through you and the flesh fights hard for that control. Yes it is true that many people have to go through some difficult situations to come to this knowledge but it's only because you have to get yourself into a position where you give up trying to be something or somebody outside of God. It is especially hard on confident,capable, control freaks and that is where he was living. So.....a few things have happened 33 yrs. later to bring him down a notch and my prayers were finally answered. This has all happened within the last few months so I know there will be much more to this story but I am giddy with excitement for the first time in my life to be able to share my love of God with my husband and for me to know that God is preparing something for us to do as a team to reflect that love. I will share that story as it unfolds because I think it will be a great testimony to the business minded person out there that feel like they love God but do not see the abiding as a first priority. Bottom line is there is no life unless He abides in you....it's just a front that will eventually come falling down.

On top of all these blessings there still was one more and that was when Gabe and Katie announced their engagement. Another new member of the family, another daughter to love and the hope of more babies!!!! Our family is going to be HUGE before long and I love it!

Ben had his 22 birthday on the 6th and Josh's 35 yrs. on the 12th so there has been much celebrating in our house the past few weeks. Now we look forward to a true day of thanksgiving coming up and everyone is coming home to the mountains for this wonderful time of year. Can't wait to see my new baby boy Isiah who over the past 6wks. has turned into a little man. I've never seen him in person with his eyes open, so I'm in for a treat. We're all just so excited to just be together. God is good!!

Waiting

2009-10-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

These Fall days are going by so fast I can hardly keep up. Much activity this past month. What was once quiet and slow paced is now full of noise and motion. Seems like there is always someone sleeping on a couch or in spare beds and my house is starting to resemble a familiar memory......dog hairs,dirt and too much laundry. We have been invaded...but it's a good kind of invasion. Loved ones that have come home to roost for awhile,visitors and of course the lovable new member of the family Max who is providing his own kind of commotion that I never anticipated. He is so big and so full of energy it's scary. We adore him but realize that exercise and discipline are going to be VERY important. I am trying very hard to follow Ceasar the Dog Whisperer's advise but with a puppy you must also carry a good dose of patience. He is six months old so I can't expect too much to soon.

I am getting regular pictures of my other new baby Isiah almost daily from his mom and dad. He is three weeks old now and I'm sure giving his parents a chance to hone up on their patience quota.

So patience and waiting are the words this week that are giving me something to think about. My mother use to tell me that she thought I had a lot of it but sometimes I wonder. I need to look this up in Scripture because there is much written on the subject so it must be an important part of our makeup. My heartfelt request these past few months is having the patience to wait. It seems like everyone in my family is at a point of surrender to the unknown. There is a quiet confidence that God is in control but there is still a restless soul that wavers between hope and despair. I know that God has us at this place to fine tune His life in us and I feel secure in the knowledge that His ways are above our earthly ways but the waiting for His plan to be revealed is starting to take it's toil. I lay in bed at night and worry for all of my children. They are in the infant stages of carving out their future and this world is not as kind as it was thirty years ago for us. It feels like the boundaries are closing in and there are fewer options these days to take chances. I feel this even for myself. Our whole life has been about taking chances and never thinking twice that we were not going to succeed. So why are we now at such an uncertain place in life? Our tomorrows feel like a pleasant dream that we wake up from and realize that it was in fact a dream and we are living the nightmare. It seems like there is so much at stake at this place in our life. Your life depends on the choices you make so I plead with my children to make the right choice. To me the only choice is living out of God's life and believing that all things will work for your good when you are crucified in Christ. Unshakable faith that we cannot yet see what we will be....that part comes in another time and in another place. The proper collaboration between God and us for living is this: God does the living and we let Him.

We need to fall flat on our faces every now and then, to suffer the consequences of making a bad choice, to be afraid or unsure of the future. Bottom line is we need to be perfected in our salvation. This is how God drives us away from a soul-oriented way of living into a Spirit-oriented way of living. Living from the Spirit is a strategy for success. I remember always shouting out the door to family members as they would go off into the day, "walk in the Spirit" and they would smile and shake their heads like I was a little wacky but it's the truth and I still remind them of that truth. As they now face their own mountains in life and I am not there for those everyday conversations, I pray that they have God's truth ingrained upon their hearts.

So on this day I am on my knees for one of my boys as he goes for a very important interview that could determine his future ability to provide for his family. He has been through a tough year and I am wide eyed in seeing him handle it all with such grace. I am so use to being a part of solving problems, trying to make life easier for them all, interceding so that they don't have to suffer and this week I got the reprimand from God that this is not my job anymore. I felt so far removed from all that he was going through and realized there was nothing I could do about any of it anyway so all I could do was pray and that I did. Now it's between him and God and all the years of training him up in the Lord.

"One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting for God."
— Oswald Chambers

And so I wait.

ISIAH ATLANTE GIOVARA

2009-10-13T06:48:00.000-07:00

Too much activity going on and no time to sit down to write. Sometimes life has a way of throwing us into a tail spin and it takes all we have just to hang on. The biggest and best event that has happened in a long time is the birth of my first grandchild, Isiah Atlante Giovara. There are no words to describe this event so I can't say to much more than a door of love has opened and I am running,leaping,crashing through into grandparent heaven. Along this journey I can foresee that there will be many new experiences with this child as well as his parents. As I seek to walk deeper in the Spirit, I am contemplating how much I need to stop every now and then and not run too far ahead. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me and I can trip and fall into a pit of self doubt. It's hard to not think that all of life's experiences are about you. It's never about you rather always the other person and the sooner you die to the notion that the world revolves around your little life the better. Anyway we had four days in Pittsburgh sharing the beautiful birth of Isiah with Eli and Jill and we are now home and back in the groove and they are day by day learning how to maneuver life as a family.

I started writing a few notes on the subject of consistency last week and then couldn't be consistent enough to sit down and write. Maybe God was showing me something through it all. Still everywhere I turned the word consistent kept coming up so I know that this is an area I need to look at. I have always been a person, from the time I was little, that would come up with grandiose plans and then never follow through to the finish. I just can't seen to stay on target with a passion. My journal writing is my most consistent thing I do and even then I can go weeks at a time with nothing to say. I make great starts then slowly fizzle out. I don't think God looks on and says,"that was a great intention." I'm even starting to think that He waits to see how serious we really are as to what we believe. It's like paying someone to do a job before the job is done. I have done that a few times and gotten burned. In hindsight I would think, "why did I pay the guy upfront.' He either did a half way job or in one instance he did half a days work, went to lunch and never came back. I learned my lesson through these experiences and so now I wait,evaluate and then reward. Maybe God does the same thing. Your relationship with Christ has to be anchored to a source that is consistent and daily, not occasional. The reward comes later and that sometimes is the hard part.

Ira and I have committed to a daily prayer time before we leave the house. Sometimes it's easy and some mornings when we're both racing around it becomes a little difficult but I am trying to not look at it as something we are just fitting in when we have the time. I am looking at it as a commitment that will be producing a great reward in our lives and in the people we pray for.

Spiritual consistency - the kind where you keep gaining ground instead of just gaining and losing the same ground over and over again - that kind of spiritual consistency is anchored first to this daily, non-negotiable time with the Lord. The fuel for your faith has to be a daily time in His Word, looking for a practical step of obedience for that 24 hours. Your life is one day at a time and in God's Word to us, He only promises us daily bread.

Spiritual consistency also means a fresh, daily surrender of your life and the things that really matter to you. You have to learn the power of resisting the devil instead of just allowing him to manipulate you through your feelings. Remember, if you "resist the devil," then "he will flee from you" (James 4:7 ).

If I can make each new day a new beginning then I can stop trying to keep the last high moment in my life alive and instead press on to all the good things that lie ahead. I've ridden this spiritual roller coaster long enough and to me this deeper walk in the Spirit is a life that is consistently trusting that God has a plan for my life and as I depend on His leading for each day, it will come into being.

My sweet Gabriel has returned home from Hawaii and he and the love of his life Katie are desiring to maybe start a little cafe here in the mountains. Yes, my passions run ahead and envision marriage and babies and something we could all do together but I am trying to take a deep breath and let God work. If it is to be, it will be. In the mean time we are all bonding as a family,seeking God's Word on each decision we must make and WAITING....the hard part!!

2009-09-22T12:14:00.000-07:00

Superior fellowship this morning!!! Just love those early hours that I spend dwelling on what God wants to have me learn. Yesterday I read a description of what heaven might be like from a book called The Unknown Prophet and I was so overwhelmed I cried for an hour. You think you might have an inkling as to how glorious it will be and then these words made me fall to my knees.

It has been a busy week so far as we really start the countdown for our precious grandchild to makes his or her journey into this world. I am making plans for the dog sitter (Uncle Ben),buying baby gifts,packing,getting the car ready and just plain worrying about all the things that won't get done and won't matter one way or the other if they do. It's like one of the most wonderful events is on the verge of happening and your mind can't even comprehend how you are going to handle it. I can only imagine how on edge with excitement Jill and Eli are as they enjoy these last few days of being two.

A few things have stood out this week that have made me stop in my tracks and really think. It started yesterday when Suzanne sent me this email:

"Like your blog from Friday. I've been thinking about rotten apples since Wed, too. Peter and I talked about it a little. One scripture you quoted reminded me of a story - "Don't spend time with those who are foolish or eventually you won't be able to discern knowledge. (Proverbs 14:7)"

Ruth Bell Graham was at a dinner party - and seated beside her was the Chairman of the Fed Reserve. So she started talking to him about his job - he was explaining about the Reserve, how it worked, etc. They were talking about counterfeit money - and Mrs. Graham commented that they must have looked at and studied a lot of fake bills. He said No! On the contrary - they spent all their time studying the real thing. Then when they saw a fake - they knew it immediately. I thought that was an interesting reverse way to look at it. And funny, I thought of that story immediately when I read that verse.

Another thing Peter and I were talking about last week - you and I were discussing "crucified with Christ.." Peter said remember, crucifixion is a slow death. We didn't have the chance right then to discuss it further - but it made instant sense to me."

And to me also. The action that causes death and our reception of it, is quick but the dying part of the flesh is a slow process. I never really thought of it that way before. We won't be able to say "it is finished" until we see Him face to face. So...in the mean time this week I am getting quite a lot of conversation on fruit. Last week it was rotten apples and this week the bearing of the fruit. I read several things on this subject yesterday. This one from Nelson Mandela:

"It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

David Wilkerson wrote this:

“Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit” (John 15:16).

Many sincere Christians think bearing fruit means simply to bring souls to Christ. But to bear fruit means something much larger even than soul winning. The fruit Jesus is talking about is Christ-likeness. Simply put, bearing fruit means reflecting the likeness of Jesus. And the phrase “much fruit” means “the ever-increasing likeness of Christ. Growing more and more into Jesus’ likeness is our core purpose in life. It has to be central to all our activities, our lifestyle, our relationships. Indeed, all our gifts and callings—our work, ministry and witness—must flow out of this core purpose.

If I am not Christlike at heart—if I’m not becoming noticeably more like him—I have missed God’s purpose in my life. You see, God’s purpose for me can’t be fulfilled by what I do for Christ. It can’t be measured by anything I achieve even if I heal the sick or cast out demons. No, God’s purpose is fulfilled in me only by what I am becoming in him. Christ likeness isn’t about what I do for the Lord, but about how I’m being transformed into his likeness. So, do you want to bear the “much fruit” that springs forth from becoming more like Christ? We fulfill our life’s purpose only as we begin to love others as Christ has loved us and we grow more Christ-like as our love for others increases."

The image that I was led to in the analogy of a piece of fruit helped me to see it. Exposing yourself to the negative energy of decay also gave me a vivid picture of how much bad company corrupts good character. Always learning with these little tidbits.

I have had good opportunities this week to first of all feel God's love and then to instead of "hiding my light under a bushel" move out into the world and shine a bit. I have been spending way to much time withdrawing from the world these past few years. It was so obvious to me the minute I moved out of my safe,non stressful place I have been stagnating in. The enemy wants nothing better than to render you useless and that's kind of how I've been feeling lately. Your life is so full in the beginning with children and careers and all the planting going on(there's that image of seed to fruit again) and then what happens? Fruit is formed but doesn't grow and stays green and eventually falls off the tree and rots. I feel like God is saying, "get a hold of yourself and remember who you are. You come from a royal lineage,predestined to do great things for My Glory. Keep moving, keep growing and I'll tell you when to stop which will be when you're ready to leave this world and you get to experience first hand that Glory you got a taste of the other day." It's kind of hard to let your light shine which in turn reflects the sun/Son when you hide in the shadows and don't take risks. What does that all mean......I don't know for sure. In hindsight it will probably all make sense. I'm just expressing what He's showing me for today and hope it blesses someone else as well.

ROTTEN APPLES

2009-09-18T10:50:00.000-07:00

Well for some reason this week God is speaking to me about what exactly happens when a rotten apple is able to co-exist with it's fellow apples as in the familiar phrase of how "one rotten apple will spoil the bunch." I thought it a strange topic at first but once again confirmations come at me right and left so I listen carefully to those confirmations and ultimately end up with something to write about. This seems to be working well for me and I trust that God is leading me always towards my growing up in Him.

So what exactly is the scientific explanation of what happens when your nice big bowl of fruit succumbs to this process of decay?

"This occurs because the rotting apple gives off a gas called ethylene, which speeds the ripening of the other apples in the fruit. Ethylene production can also be induced by a variety of external aspects such as mechanical wounding and environmental stresses. Ethylene gas in biology, is known as a hormone. Hormones, as they do in humans, cause growth."

Interesting to see the connection of decay and then breakdown that is at work in all of God's life. I think this topic came up because of a discussion on the fear of some individuals being susceptible to friends of theirs that are walking in dangerous areas.....drugs, loose morals,denouncing Christ as the only way to salvation. Can they stand firm in their walk with God without this negative influence affecting them? That is always every parents biggest fear....peer pressure that can raise it's ugly head in children as well as adults. It must be an important issue, as there is much spoken on this topic in Scripture:

Be not deceived, bad company corrupts good morals
(Proverbs 4:14)

* Don't be spending your time with someone who's angry or hot tempered or you may become like that yourself. (Proverbs 22:24)

* Don't answer a fool regarding his own foolishness because you may end up like him. (Proverbs 26:4)

* Don't spend time with those who are foolish or eventually you won't be able to discern knowledge. (Proverbs 14:7)

If you are in the company of those who are wise, you will gain wisdom. If you are in the company of those who are evil, you too will become evil. (Proverbs 13:20)

The Bible tells us that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds. God’s ultimate aim for us is spiritual growth. His goal is to transform us into the express image of His Son Jesus Christ. The main reason that God will start to take out the friends in your life that He does not want you to have is because some of these people may be negative influences in your life and hinder your own growth. The pressure to conform is so hard, especially in young people. Having friends and being accepted is such a huge mountain to climb. I feel all my kids have gone through some form of this and even now I still feel that they walk the middle of the road sometimes just to be a part of the accepted group.

God will not put up with this, and He will remove these bad influences out of your life if you enter into this full surrendered walk with Him. For those who are married and have children - it is the same thing when you do not want your children hanging out with other children who you know would be a bad and negative influence on your child. You know that if your children start hanging out with the wrong type of crowd, they can become very easily corrupted in a very short period of time. It would be comforting to believe that if they have received Christ they are strong enough to stand their ground but there is a growing up process going on physically and spiritually. We go from infant to young men to adults and along these growing years is where maturity happens. At some point I think you do reach a place of maturity where you are not easily swayed but it takes time.

Ephesians 4:13
until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Hebrews 5:14
But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.

We are all operating at different levels of spiritual development with the Lord. God knows best as to who would be best suited for you at the level of spiritual development that you are currently operating at with Him. I have always been a person with a few very close friends, even in high school. When God does bring in these types of special friends to share your journey with, they become real treasures! They might be with you throughout your life or maybe just for a season but I trust that each interaction has a purpose.

Sadly, what you will find out very early on, is just because someone may be a saved and born again Christian does not mean this person has their act together in the Lord. Some people have become too judgmental and too critical in their walk. Some have become too arrogant and pompous, thinking that they have all the answers to everything. God will always be fine tuning us in how to walk in the Spirit. I know sometimes my kids think that is where I am coming from and I am trying to stay strong in what I believe,share who I am in Christ with them and hope that it doesn't come off that way but I know it probably does sometimes and I ask God and them to forgive me. When someone says that they see something different in me, I only hope that it is Christ that they see.

I pray that God will bring the right people into their lives at the right time. How He gets you to meet some of these people in the first place is exciting. Some of these interactions are quite incredible, as most of these people will be total strangers to you until God moves in to match the two of you up. I just took a new job the other day and was so delighted to meet a new Christian woman in real estate, also expecting her first grand child in a few months. It was kind of a confirmation that this is where God wanted me for now. The possibilities are endless as to where these people may come from and I've come to realize that these kindred Spirits can come from anywhere and at anytime - so keep your radar up, as you never know when God may move to bring one of them into your life.

We are so praying for our children to find these prayer partners, kindred spirits, forever friends, "good apples" in their early adult years. To have friends that share your faith, that will pray for you when things get tough and stand with you through thick and thin is truly a blessing. Dividing yourself between who you are in Christ and who you are in the secular world is tricky. Only in Christ is there power to defeat the enemy and I believe it's only purpose on earth is to stop the spread of the gospel. The gas that is released from the apple, quickly does it's job on a bowl of fruit and the negative energy of an ungodly person has the same effect.....decay!

Feel like I wrote this for someone.....it's just what was on my mind.

HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE

2009-09-13T04:40:00.000-07:00

I said this to myself this week. Just marveling at what the meaning of that phrase is. It can at first bring images of panic as if your world is caving in and you are hanging on by a thread and then when I put the emphasis on "dear life", I felt a soothing double emotion of safety and protection. I've been a little stumped this week with my conversations with the Lord. I wasn't paying careful attention and He wasn't speaking. Distractions were everywhere and even a few ill feelings trying to defend myself with one of the children. I have a tendency to make the world look dangerous because indeed I think it is a very dangerous world but after spending many years preaching the "it's all good" message to my family, I get challenged every once in awhile.

It's a very different world these days and myself and many others are sensing there might be a time coming soon where God says, Enough...and so the end times will begin. According to one member of the family, I am not practicing what I preach when I react to the fear mongers that are everywhere on the internet. So today as I look for your nudge God, You ran Psalm 16 across my path and there was my confirmation in the first verse. This translation is from The Message:

Keep me safe, Oh God
I've run for dear life to you.
I say to God, "Be my Lord!"
Without you, nothing makes sense.

And these God-chosen lives all around
what splendid friends they make!

Don't just go shopping for a god.
God's are not for sale.
I swear I'll never treat god-names
like brand-names.

My choice is you, God, first and only.
And now I find I'm your choice!
You set me up with a house and yard.
And then you made me your heir!

The wise counsel God gives when I'm awake
is confirmed by my sleeping heart.
Day and night I'll stick with God;
I've got a good thing going and I'm not letting go.

I'm happy from the inside out,
and from the outside in, I'm firmly formed.
You canceled my ticket to hell-
that's not my destination!

Now you've got my feet on the life path,
all radiant from the shining of your face.
Ever since you took my hand,
I'm on the right way.

LOVED THAT!! Needed that. It doesn't take much to push me forward and most of the time it's a stone thrown that makes me leap ahead and duck for safety. I am quick to anger but in that anger I reevaluate and focus on the Truth of the matter. Everyone has to find their own truth and the hard part as a mother is to not drown out another's voice.
Who am I but a small reflection of the bigger picture. I've always loved this line from a William Alexander Percy poem that came to mind:

"I have a need of silence and of stars.
Too much is said too loudly. I am dazed.
The silken sound of whirled infinity
Is lost in voices shouting to be heard."

On Wednesday when Suzanne and I prayed, I felt sure I heard the words, Relax and Trust. You never know what that implies....where that direction will take you and tonight as I make peace with my unseen foe, I see that there is somewhat of a duel message here. I am for sure hanging on to "dear life" and at the same time learning how to relax and trust.

"Ever since you took my hand
I'm on the right way."

As a mother all I want to be sure of is that He has their hands.

Setting My Faith

2009-09-05T04:49:00.000-07:00

After a busy week with much activity going on in both of our lives, Suzanne and I spent most of our time together Wed. morning discussing the events of the week. As I look back over what was said I think the question of how God touches the lost world through Christ's life in us, might be the message He will be using for me to focus on this week . We both discussed friends that were caught up in lifestyles that in our eyes would not be pleasing to the Lord. Both of these people are not believers but both people are friends that we love and respect and so how you relate to them when your foundations are so contrary is an important issue. I will wait to hear what you have to say about these interactions God and why you would want to discuss this with me.

Since last week You drove home the point of what faith actually is, I am thinking this week that in relation to being a living witness to people in my circle of life that do not know how to operate in this realm, the point would be..... how is that glow of faith's reflection made visible?

This came my way this morning, written by David Wilkerson,that gave me some insight:

"When I can rest through storms, when I have cast every burden on Christ and I hold my faith position, then I have obtained a “good report.” I am becoming a beacon of hope to those around me. Those who watch my life at home, at work and on my block may not respond openly. But they will know there is hope and redemption available to them. They can look at me in my hour of crisis and say, “There is hope! There stands someone who has not lost faith in God. There is a fighter who will not quit. He trusts his God!

As calamities increase, and the world falls into great distress, the believer’s response must be a testimony of unwavering faith. We have the Holy Spirit abiding in us, and we have the Bible, the fully revealed Word of God. We cannot boast in our own flesh, but we can lean on His Word.

I still have so much to learn about “setting my faith.” But I have tasted the victory that comes when I trust the Lord in all things, when I purposefully lay all my burdens on Christ and go my way at rest."

Setting my faith.....I like that. God you really are talking to me this way and I love the anticipation of what You are up to. I am learning to hear Your voice by being observant to the day to day, moment by moment earthly voices that pass before me. You are so invisible and seemingly out of reach but you have given us the Holy Spirit made possible through Christ and you have given us each other for strength and encouragement......if we only have ears to hear and eyes to see what is right in front of us.

Tonight is the memorial service for one of our dear friends that was killed last week in a car accident. This will be a difficult evening for all of his family and friends. He was not a believer in the gift of Salvation but he was a good man. His death has had a tremendous effect on me in exactly what God has been discussing with me this week...how we reflect God's presence to the world when it's all said and done. I woke up at 4:30 this morning with no question that God was beckoning me to get up and "let's talk". I curled up in the bed in our guest room and opened my Bible to Psalm 15 and got great comfort from David's words:

"Lord,who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart
and has so slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,
who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the Lord,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,
who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe
against the innocent.

He who does these things will never
be shaken."

And I have to add that none of that is possible without the perfect Life of God that so graciously has been given to us through Christ. I couldn't make it one day in my own strength and thank goodness I don't have to. I really sense God telling me to stop and smell the roses.....they are all around you. God isn't concerned with outward appearances, or religious symbols and rituals. The only thing that matters to God is our faith in Jesus Christ, and the way that it is put into practice in our lives.

Next Wednesday, when Suzanne and I meet, is still a few days away.
What more do you have for me Lord?

The Muscle Of Faith

2009-09-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

Every Wednesday at 6:30am,my friend Suzanne and I meet together via the telephone to pray for our families and share what God has been doing throughout the week. There can be no doubt about it that the topic of conversation last week was Faith. Seems like a common aspect of our walk with God but for some reason today after discussing all the ups and downs a few of our children are walking through, the thought popped into my mind...could faith operate somewhat like a muscle? There could be no debate on the fact that a muscle needs to be worked in order for it to perform it's function so the first thing I did was look up the actual definition of a muscle to see if I could see the correlation.

mus.cle
noun-a band or bundle of fibrous tissue in a human or animal body that has the ability to contract, producing movement in or maintaining the position of parts of the body.

verb-move an object in a particular direction by using one's physical strength.

I soon found out that I am not the first one to come across this revelation, as my research produced many things written along the same lines. But what exactly is God telling me about faith in my walk with Him and almost as a answer to my question, I noticed that throughout the week everywhere I looked I saw a message pertaining to this topic. Even the apostles said unto the Lord..."Increase our faith" in a chapter of Luke. So I'm getting the picture that the Lord might be speaking to me about the increase of my faith. I'm curious now to think that if I visualize faith like a muscle that maybe giving that muscle a workout might be of some benefit to my soul. The opposite of faith is doubt,fear and worry and I can attest to the fact that I swing back and forth much to often.

How else can this muscle of faith be developed unless it is put to the test in what I call the issues of life which we all wrestle with on a daily basis. We would love for our faith to move mountains but what about the the little things, the day to day worries such as getting from point A to point B, or to know that your finances will carry you through the month or that a sick child will be made well? Jesus said "if your are faithful in the little things, you will be faithful in the greater things too". Faith is not magic. It has taken me many years of dependency on a God I can't see or hear to trust His word. One issue after another provides me the opportunity to lean on Him and acknowledge His ways and sure enough, He has never failed me.

The Psalms say that the Lord is our refuge, a light and our salvation but I think what is going on has more to do with our participation rather than us just sitting silently by waiting for God to take care of our every need. When Jesus said in Matthew 7 to "Ask,seek,knock and the door will be opened" that implies a forward motion, a movement on our part, a strengthening of the muscle to gain the victory. The exercise of that faith muscle makes the difference in what ever issues you are facing. Is there anything truly worthwhile in life that has been won without an effort? I guess once we know we have done all we can do, we then stand still and watch and wait.

This morning God spoke to me about an interesting way of communication with Him that I never thought about before. Throughout these past months of my prayer time with Suzanne we marvel at how God leads our conversation and has us discussing what He wants us to pray about. Since this topic of faith was so vividly real to me last week and it was no coincidence that every day I was being presented with yet another nugget of information on my original question, I decided to start a journey of a "one on one" with God in this same way and write about it so I can look back and read the writing on the wall. I have asked God to reveal what He wants to discuss with me each week; what does He want to show me, teach me, grow me up in? What areas of my life do I need discipline in and I will in faith be expecting His reply.

Here I am Lord, speak to me!!!

2009-08-20T05:55:00.000-07:00

"Judging ones own writing is like looking in a mirror. What you tell yourself about what you see in the reflection has far more to do with how you feel about yourself than with how you actually look." Betsy Lerner

Long time no posts!! The summer is going,going,almost gone. In a few days Ira and I will be celebrating 39 years of married life which means it is the end of August. It also means we are inching closer and closer to Baby Gio's entrance into the world. All thoughts and future plans are centered around this exciting event. Loose ends are slowly coming together in everyone's lives so I am relaxing a bit more with the details. Looking forward to Gabe's arrival home at the end of next month. I have really missed him and look forward to hearing about his most excellent adventure. This latest picture tells me we might have a future surfer in the wings. He looks good and I smile every time I see it.

We have all been through a pretty tough year. So many changes have taken place in all of our lives. It feels like we have held steady through the storm and brighter days are ahead, but who knows. I'm working on being content in all things,which is easier said than done.

I like this quote that I found in my journal coming from an interpretation of John 14:27

"This is the acid test that we should apply to all systems and understandings. If some advice on how we are to live claims to be the truth of God then it had better be effective. God's provision and life NEVER fails. This does not mean that physical prosperity or even physical health is the sign of God's blessing on a life. Rather...the ability to endure all things is the mark of the life lived by submission to the truth of God. It is the presence of peace and rest in all circumstances of our living that marks a life as one which is being lived in accord with the Father's truth."

How true!!

LIFE WITH MAXWELL

2009-07-09T05:37:00.000-07:00

In the midst of the lazy days of summer. Feeling a bit confined these days as I attempt to train this puppy. Don't feel comfortable leaving him for too long so my job has become official puppy watcher. Tomorrow night will be the longest amount of time we will be away as we will be going to the Grandfather Mountain Celtic Concert for an evening of food and music. He'll be fine......I keep telling myself!!

Lesson's from Dogs:

Live simply
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Be loyal.
Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

ZOE TURNED INTO MAX

2009-07-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

Where has the time gone. Running and jumping into July already. Thoughts of what we are doing and where we will be this winter are starting to surface and I don't like it!! I've got to stop and smell the roses. One big rose that has kept me hopping lately is this fine specimen of a animal named Maxwell. We bit the bullet and got ourselves a new member of the family. It was all kind of sudden but we both felt it was time. It has been a year since Bess passed on and I could just feel that the timing to start this journey was here. Our friends Steve and Lisa's white lab had a liter of nine pups and on our last time out there it was love at first sight. Though we had originally planned on a female, we changed our minds at the last minute.

He has been with us for a week now and we are slowly falling into a nice rhythm. He sleeps in a crate all through the night and rarely has an accident in the house so we're pretty lucky. Just like with a new baby it is all consuming.....watching his every move, doctor's appts. for shots, not being able to leave the house. It's temporary....so I think I can handle it. Like these days that turn into weeks, that turn into months; he will be full grown before I know it.

No real spiritual insights lately other than the word I got this morning....TRUST. God has been pushing that point to me a lot lately. In all of the many changes that are going on in our lives, He wants me to relax and trust Him. I have a way of throwing in the "what if" a lot and that is the part that always trips me up. The what if is covered when we are abiding and then the trust comes floating in. Practice makes perfect.

OH HAPPY DAY!!

2009-06-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

What a busy weekend it has been!! Last night we all fell into our places on the couch and felt like we had run a marathon. Eli and Jill arrived Friday evening and we have been laughing and loving with each other non stop and we still have one more day until their sad departure. Eli wanted to cram as much as he could into these few days with his brothers, so they have been on the tennis courts, at the bowling alley and golf,golf and more golf from the get go. Last night was a pizza throw down which I guess you could say Ira won but only because Eli was out of his element....he's got his "white pie" down pat at home.

Jill and I sat back and watched the fun and took pictures. We've got so many good ones. Fathers day was shared with George and Nellie and all the brothers in an arcade in Lenoir of all places. George and Nellie held up pretty well through all the craziness and noise and I think really enjoyed themselves.

It was just good to all be together as they don't get to see the kids that often now that everyone is getting so spread out. Only Bethany and Gabe were missing but we heard from them several times over the weekend.

The next big event is the arrival on maybe Thursday of our newest addition to the family......Zoe!! Yes, we decided to do it and make it my birthday present but wanted to wait until all the hoopla dies down so we don't scare her to death. After a short trip to Atlanta on Tuesday, we will ride out to the farm to pick her up. I have been thinking non-stop about her all week and as much as I know there will be much work and responsibility associated with this decision, I think I am in need of all that she will bring to our life . As I've said before, are you ever really ready for the work that love requires?? Thinking a lot about that aspect of love....the sacrifice. This line from a Christina Rossetti poem speaks to where I've inched towards the past few years and have felt that as life has calmed down somewhat, I don't feel there has been much fruit and isn't it all about bearing the fruit of the vine?

God hardens me against myself,
The coward with pathetic voice
Who craves for ease, and rest and joys;

Myself, arch-traitor to myself;
My hollowest friend, my deadliest foe,
My clog whatever road I go.

Yet one there is can curb myself,
Can roll the strangling load from me,
Break off the yoke and set me free.

Of course that is the Lord that desires to live my life with all the twists and turns that will ever be with me until we meet face to face. I'm saying bring it on!! We now enter into a new generation of family members that will supply a new map and I know the journey will be a roller coaster ride...just like the beginning. I'm too young to be sitting in my rocking chair in a retired mentality of life but after such a crazy,hectic, thirty eight years of children,animals,businesses and the immense responsibility with each one, I just got burned out. I always tell Ira that I think I need new shock absorbers because mine are worn out.

So I've been praying for a new set of whatever that thing is that softens the hard knocks, so that I can continue on for the next 20-30 years. Love will require sacrifice....just face it. There is no easy road around it but the reward is worth every difficult day!

I think my new baby Zoe will be the front runner.

UP UP AND AWAY

2009-06-05T06:01:00.000-07:00

Today we will once again fly off into the sunset....this time to spend a few days with our beautiful daughter. Orlando here we come and as we don't really having any schedule other than hanging out and enjoying each others company, it should be a great trip. We do have a concert Monday evening to hear one of our favorite artists ,Bon Iver, make his beautiful music but other than that I think we will just wing it. Always nervous flying, so the sooner we land on solid ground the better. I also realize the 2 1/2 hour road trip to the airport holds just as much danger as flying the friendly skies so I need to relax and know that when it's time to go...it's time to go!

Well the last week was filled with a few new experiences. Yesterday we made the trip out to our friends farm for dinner and a look at the new batch of puppies that their dog Ella produced and what an evening it was. Nine of the most adorable little creatures that got my baby juices flowing. The urge to cuddle,kiss and coo at these beautiful babies brought out a side of me that has been lying dormant. When Bess passed away I wondered what I would do without that source of outlet. It did not surface towards my husband which did cross my mind. Instead it just laid dormant and now I feel those familiar feelings creeping back. We do have a new baby coming round the bend so I am happy to know that whether puppy or grandchild God is priming the pump! We both do agree that it might be time to open our hearts to a furry friend and so though we did not go home last night with a new member of the family....we are thinking about it. They really are not ready to leave the nest anyway and we will be gone until next week so the big decision will take place once we are back home. As always our trip to Steve and Lisa's gets my buried "farm girl" mindset going. Their place is just too beautiful to describe and every time we make the trip, we see yet another addition to the world they are creating. When they are finished, if that time ever comes, they will have painted a masterpiece. I'm ready to put our house on the market and look for our own 50 acres, with the difference being we will have a little place called the Sugar Shack on the property where we will welcome guests to come have a bite to eat,listen to some awesome music and unwind (we've got to make a living somehow)!! That is why this property is so hard to find because it has to be fairly accessible and most of the farms that I find are way too off the beaten path. Oh well, if it is to be, it will come to me

Also had a great time last weekend camping in Julian Price Park. It is only a few miles from our house but it couldn't be a better place. The kids got us an inflatable kayak for our birthdays and also a six man tent so we were anxious to break the new equipment in. Of course this bout of constant rain put somewhat of a damper on it but we did manage to use the few hours of sunshine on Sat. to put the boat in the water. I love to camp and we plan to make good use of all our new toys this summer.

There are many simple pleasures available here in N.C. Just taking a hike in these Appalachian mountains is something we never take for granted. It will be good to experience Florida again and maybe make up our minds once and for all, where we belong. It's very hard going back and forth, especially if we are going to do another business so this trip just might be the beginning of some long awaited answers.

2009-05-21T06:52:00.001-07:00

Got my first glimpse of our soon to be grandchild yesterday and so I will post it here for all to see and marvel at. The video is on my Facebook page. My mouth was open the whole time as I watched this little life swing and sway to the song "See You Soon" by Coldplay that Eli so cleverly arranged. It's hard to make out heads or tails at 21 weeks but I'm sure I saw a little hand wave to me and the last frame is of a tiny little head with a turned up little nose that made me weep. Grandmother love is going to be an experience of a lifetime and I am so ready to begin the journey. Many of my friends are way ahead of me but now it's my turn!!!

I realize just how much I love each child and the urgency that I have within for each one's well being and that this is what God must feel for us as well because we are His birthed children. Same love, same desire for everything that we are going through. It says in His word that "He knew us while we were in our mothers womb"; kind of like us all peering into Jill's womb through the wonders of technology and feeling as if we know this little one already. All the hopes and dreams and plans for a bright future are of course the prayers we have for our unborn children. Once they arrive into this world the issues of life sometimes provide a few twists and turns we didn't expect. As I've said before there seems to be a direct parallel with our relationship with God and our relationship with our children. I like to stop and think about this every now and then as it gives me a deeper understanding of how God is growing us up. The image that the Bible paints of container and content seems so right. "We have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves"(2 Corinthians 4:7)

I like this explanation by Dan Stone:
We are earthen vessels. We have this treasure in earthen vessels. The beauty of the vessel is it;s content. The frustration of the vessel is when the vessel tries to become the contents. When we reduce the illustration to that, we see how silly it is to try to be the contents. If you became the contents, there wouldn't be any vessel to hold you. You can't be both the vessel holding(expressing)the life of God and at the same time try to be the life of God. Your eternal purpose is not to become the contents of the cup. Your eternal purpose is to be the vessel, to let the life flow out of you. We reflect the glory and the nature of the One we contain. God manifest Himself to men through men. He first did it through the God-man Jesus and He does it now through us."

So we now have another little vessel coming into the world who we call Baby-Gio at the moment. I pray that God has a great and wondrous image of Himself that He is preparing to express through this perfect container. I vow as his/her grandmother to do all I can to love,cherish,and support this creation of God. My cup runneth over!!!

Climbing A Mountain

2009-05-04T05:09:00.000-07:00

Today is the eight day of my ten day fast and so I think it is time to put down on paper if only for future reference some of the highs and lows of taking on this mountain of self-restraint. I have to admit,the last time I took on this task, my motivations were more from the physical rather than spiritual. Everyone swore you would drop 10lbs and they were indeed correct and as much as I would like to slim down the 10lbs I put back on in the course of a year,that was not my motivation this go round.

The Lord has been dealing with me in the area of the division of flesh and Spirit for the past few months. I have been on a quest of some sort, trying to figure out what is it and where exactly does the pull of temptation come from and why is it ever with you from the small seemingly insignificant areas of your life to the larger issues. I read a fantastic book last year by William Landon called The Devil You Don't Know and came to a better understanding of just where this magnetic pull resides. Much is spoken in scripture of the division of soul and spirit and the components of each one. Soul being the container for our mind,will and emotions and Spirit being the container that was created to connect and have relationship with God. The body or flesh of course is what houses it all. Landon's point is that our soul when animated by the Spirit is much like a masterpiece....meaning a poem, a song, a dance, any work of art that is completed to it's perfection. On the other hand the soul animated by the flesh which is the dwelling place of our fall away from God, encompasses all of the inner turmoil and angst that nips at our heels continually to pull us away from Truth. Of course we were given free will to choose between the two which is how it should be. Nothing forced could ever be true and pure. God has given us a little window which we call "time" to work this choice out but what He's really after is a family birthed for eternity that lives and breathes and moves with and in Him. Similar to our own birthed earthly families....one in spirit but separate.

So this fast has been interesting as it has made me look deeper into this thing called Soul, where in the past I have put so much emphasis on the things of the Spirit. I know the Spirit is where God lives and have spent over 30 years studying His ways of dealing with mankind but never gave a lot of attention to the Soul other than realizing that it expresses much of what I exhibit to the world.....how I think, what I choose, how I feel. I could sense this past year a real laziness taking hold in several areas of my life that did not feel good. I started eating things that were not healthy,drinking one to many glasses of wine,putting exercise on the back burner. I could feel this strong pull within to just take a vacation and curl up and get fat and lazy. Now I know that God loves me too much to let that happen and so my inner promptings from Him were to wake up,focus and get back on track before you move into an area you will not be happy with.

The challenge has become discipline with a capital D! The mind speaking to the body versus the other way around. Of course the first thing you have to do is choose a mind animated by God or else the opposite will be a mind that wants nothing better than to render you useless and ineffective; then of course all your promptings will be,"have another piece of cake", it's too dreary out to run", "one more won't hurt","if it feels good do it","no one will ever know". Maybe they won't, but the inner dissatisfaction will start eating away at you and there will be a price to pay.

So......I took the challenge. Ten days of denying my flesh. I'm taking my vitamins, drinking plenty of lemon water and cleansing with Senna tea and feel very energetic and able to go another ten days if I chose to which I don't think I will. The real battle with this truly has been in the mind. By day four, I was starting to hear the voice of defeat saying maybe it would be better to just do a five day fast, rather than ten or maybe just eating a few raw veggies wouldn't be so bad. Many whispers to pull me away from my goal of continuing on and I still have three days to go. I swore I was not going to look at the scale since I did say that this is not about weight and what did I do on day six.....I looked at the scale! Believe it or not I GAINED two pounds!!! How could that be?? I haven't eaten a darn thing in six days and I gained weight??? I had to have a long talk with myself that night as I could feel my motivation slipping. A reminder of how much the Lord is involved in this vessel He is shaping and so I haven't looked since. Maybe this is a spring board for a deeper understanding of this journey I have chosen. God has told us that our growth will be in stages just as a child grows; baby,young man and father.(1John 2:12-14) I know that I am always pressing on for this mystery which is Christ-in you. I would appreciate your prayers.

LETTER TO BEN

2009-04-28T05:59:00.000-07:00

Ben,
Can you print this out and read it when you have some time to really think about the words. I thought about you all night after our long conversation. I did my walk this morning at 6:30 feeling so good. This fast I'm doing is amazing...it's like a real high that you experience when you cleanse your body from all the toxic garbage we ingest. Anyway I'm talking to the Lord the whole time about how I know you are at a searching and coming into who you really are now and I just so want you to understand the deep,deep things of the Spirit life. Today in the news on CNN there is an article on how so many people are losing or changing their religion. The article goes on and on about this denomination and that religion and I just shake my head because it is so obvious that 75% of the people don't have a clue as to what's going on. The whole point is all they have is a religion....a way of making sense of life that makes them feel good. One person thinks this and one person thinks that and they create a following of people that don't know how to think on their own. The point is that God has made us as containers for His life. It's not about something some human,thus inferior, man has dreamed up. All you have to do is realize that He made us for Himself. He is birthing a family where we will be with Him and each other for eternity. If it's just about life on this earth how sad would that be. The only way I could bear to lose any of you is to know that we will all be together again soon in a perfect world without sin. So mainly I just want to say......I realize you hear a lot of things from your friends that are New Age or New World stuff and that's OK, we''re told to test the spirits but please don't ever let go of Jesus who makes our true happiness and joy possible. I love you so so much.

Self-Consciousness and Christ Consciousness
Norman P. Grubb

We are desperately conscious of the two opposing principles of good and evil through all life. They confront us in human nature, in the business, political and social world. They give rise to the constant tensions among nations, races, classes, right down to our own family circles; They are the theme of ethics and religion. They come closest home to us in our own personal lives, the conflict of flesh and spirit, the interweaving of prosperity and adversity, joy and sorrow, friendship and enmity, justice and injustice, health and disease, kindness and cruelty, through the whole garment of life. Now, though we are Christ's, we share in this divided world. We are part of it. We eat its food, partake in its activities, earn its money, taste of its sorrows and tragedies, and endure its temptations. Though one'd with Christ in spirit, we are still one with the world in body. Therefore, though new men in Christ, we still have a duality of consciousness: we have self-consciousness, world-consciousness, we are in the world (but not of it: John 17:13,16), in the flesh (but not of it: Gal.5:24), in self (but not of it: Gal.2:20). A great proportion of our waking hours must necessarily be spent in the affairs of this world, with Christ in the background rather than foreground of our consciousness. Sin only enters when we are consciously drawn into activities and attitudes which we know to be displeasing to Him. While we are in this divided world, we cannot have solely a Christ-consciousness. We must also have a self-consciousness: certainly it is the renewed self which knows how to maintain its abiding place: yet it is also a self-conscious self, responsive to all the stimuli of its environment, therefore as open to temptation fleshward as to Christ-control spiritward. It is still a case of "nevertheless I live", as well as, "yet not I, but Christ liveth in me".

The name God has given to humanity separated from Himself by the Fall - is "flesh" (Gen. 6:3). We are all flesh, Even the Savior, when He came to be among us, was "God manifested in the flesh". Not until the resurrection of the body, the final and complete state of unification with our ascended Head, can any member of the human race cease to be flesh. Flesh implies consciousness of separation from God, self-consciousness apart from Christ-consciousness. That does not necessarily mean something evil. Christ "in the days of His flesh" was conscious of his human self as apart from the Father with whom He was one (e.g.John 5:19). It is not flesh, which is evil, but the lusts of the flesh. And even they are not evil unless they are permitted to reign instead of serve. Self-consciousness, flesh-consciousness, is the normal and essential prerequisite, as members of this fallen human race, to a continuous life of faith, for it compels us constantly to "look away" from our helpless selves unto Jesus (Heb.12:2): and as we do so, flesh then becomes the servant and manifestor of Spirit. But the moment we fail to look away, then flesh becomes an evil thing, natural "desires of flesh and mind" have us in their grip, and become dominating, discordant lusts, and we their slaves.

Therefore, let us get it clear; we shall never in this life be free from a sense of self, as well as a realization of the indwelling Christ. We shall never, therefore, be free from temptation in a world that exists to tempt, nor be free from the daily necessity of vigilance and abiding. The chapter of triumphant living, Rom.8, significantly enough is the very chapter which warns against the subtleties of the surrounding flesh, and expresses our groaning amidst our rejoicing, as we long for the final redemption of the body, and are saved, not only by faith, but by hope.

For this reason, then, it is of utmost importance that we understand the exact relationship between the renewed self and the other Glorious Self, Christ Himself who dwells within. It is the hardest lesson we have to learn, and cannot be learned except in the hard way. Nothing but frequent and strong doses of the false activities of self can teach us this lesson. It is peculiarly subtle because it is now not a case of a troublesome bad self, but an anxious, frustrated, condemned good self; not good in the positive sense of being able to do good things, but good in the negative sense of wanting to do good and no longer wanting to do evil; a purified self, but though pure, still empty: just as a cup may be clean, but what really matters is the fluid it contains.

ARE WE THERE YET???

2009-04-17T04:58:00.000-07:00

Seems like I've been asking that question for some time now. We have had so many teasings the past few months. Beautiful warm weather where I would think....finally the winter is behind us and then wham, we would get hit with another round of frigid temperatures and snow but.....I think we can safely say that Spring has sprung. Last night we made it official with a picnic at Price Lake. We cooked hot dogs and roasted marshmallows so it sure did feel like a summer afternoon. Today the weather should be even better so thoughts of Watauga Lake are starting to surface.

We had an interesting Easter weekend. In reflecting on the past week and in fact the past year, God is showing me that you can make all the plans you want but He will direct your path and you better be ready to happily change directions if need be or life will not be pretty. Easter is always a very emotional time of year for me. I get very weepy and contemplative and most always experience a joyous high after the collective celebration of He Is Risen!! For many years we have been in various places with friends and family planning some sort of inspirational way of coming together for this special day. This year since all the kids were elsewhere and being back in Blowing Rock with no real church family we decided to do the sunrise service on Chimney Rock near Lake Lure. I had every detail planned out which is how I like to do things but from the moment we left, nothing went as planned. Our timing was off so we got there much later than expected. We did get a good laugh from our motel accommodations which were not what we expected and since the season hasn't quite started in the area, not too many things were open so there wasn't very much to do but drive around.

We managed to find a place to eat and concentrated on "planning" the sunrise service the next morning. The sign said that the gates opened at 5am so I set the alarm for 5am thinking we would get there around 5:30 but Ira convinced me that sunrise wasn't until 6:40 and since the weather was frigid, let's get there at 6:15. I reluctantly agreed. We arrived at 6:10 on a frosty Easter morning only to find that the gates were closed and one car after the other turning around in disappointment. They failed to let everyone know that they closed the gates at 6am. I was VERY disappointed to say the least. My best laid plans were falling apart and there we were riding around in the cold car trying to figure out what to do next. There wasn't even a place open to get a cup of coffee and of course there wasn't a coffee pot in the room! When I'm up that early...I need my coffee so we walked into a big hotel on the lake where we usually stay when finances aren't so tight and asked the clerk at the desk if we could have a cup of coffee. He was so nice and welcoming and after telling him of our dilemma with coffee in hand, he pointed us towards an out of the way park that sits on the lake with a spot on view of the rising sun. My spirit is lifting as I realize all is not lost and maybe God has a different plan in mind, so off we go to have our own Resurrection celebration complete with hot coffee, small radio for music and God's glorious landscape of mountains,lake,flowers,trees,two white geese and that beautiful sun rising in the distance.

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By now I am leaping with joy and realizing it can't get any better than this and Ira and I are in silent prayer and thanksgiving for what this all means. God spoke in my heart of the irony of all that has happened in our life this year and this little scene kind of summed it up. So many things the past few years have been twisted and turned in directions that we had never planned. I have to say that nothing has been stable. Our living situation,our friendships, our business,our finances our feelings of security in this world have all been turned upside down. We have spent so many years going with the flow that this abrupt bend in the road has not come easy and I admit that my attitude hasn't always been the best. Just when the sun was inching up over the horizon and we're sitting there on the bench with tears in our eyes, this song came on the radio by Third Day and I lost it. It speaks of losing your way on the journey and asking God to give you a revelation of what,where and how He wants to use you and though I've never been at a place of losing my faith, I can relate to the place of losing my direction or maybe it's just the turn in the road where you can't quite see what the direction is. Anyway, it did me in and confirmed to Ira once again that I'm an emotional basket case! I'm dramatic...God's dramatic in me. He always uses words and music to stir my soul. So it was a very good day and I am optimistic about what lies ahead for us.

REVELATION
by Third Day

My life has led me down the road that's so uncertain
Now I am left alone and I am broken
Trying to find my way
Trying to find the faith that's gone

This time I know that you are holding all the answers
I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances
On roads that never seem
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
'Cause I've been trying to find my way
I haven't got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I've got nothing without you
I've got nothing without you

My life has led me down this path that's ever winding
Through every twist and turn, I'm always finding
That I am lost again
Tell me when this road will ever end

I don't know where I can turn
Tell me, when will I learn
Won't you show me where I need to go
Let me follow your lead
I know that it's the only way that I can get back home

2009-04-08T11:55:00.000-07:00

This has been an interesting week full of sunshine and snow and wind and rain and today we seem to be moving back towards more spring-like weather. Ira and I spent a wonderful Sunday afternoon hiking the trails in the Linville Gorge. We started early and had breakfast on the road at a favorite diner and then did some photo shoots along the Blue Ridge Parkway. It was just one of those days where the temperature was perfect with full sun and not a cloud in the sky. We brought along a picnic lunch even though we didn't really get hungry until much later in the day. The views were awesome and I got a few good shots to add to the album.

It was just fun to have a relaxed day enjoying this beautiful town we live in. Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the roses which is just what we did. Thank heavens for that perfect day, as the next day we were hit with a little snow event that has kept us indoors for most of the week. I'm ready for Spring at this point and also ready to get something going on the work front. Looked at a couple of closed down restaurants that we are considering but no final decision yet. I feel we are getting close but realize that God is doing something in both Ira and I as we wait for His answer and not our frantic searching for who knows what. Many in our family are in this same place so we pass on encouragement to each other daily. In the mean time we will try very hard to enjoy the journey as we leave for an overnight on Sat. to a sunrise service in another favorite spot of our ours, Lake Lure N.C. where we will give thanks to God for a risen Savior. We will climb the mountain in pitch darkness at Chimney Rock with other believers and sing praises of thanksgiving as we wait for the rising sun to appear. Last year it was over the lake and this year on a mountain top but we glory in the knowledge that He is the same yesterday, today and forever.(Hebrews 13:8)

Prayer

2009-04-06T04:58:00.000-07:00

Pray without Ceasing
Fred Pruitt

I finally understood what Paul said, maybe, when he talked about being ''always'' praying. In my beginning days, ''prayer'' was a hard thing to do, a chore, but a means to an end I thought. Two ends, maybe. One, finding God. (That one won out.) Two, solving the world's and my problems. (Didn't have as much luck with that one.)

I can't think of a moment these days where God is not there and there is not prayer. Paul said, ''Pray without ceasing,'' and what a tall order, huh?! Ever try fulfilling that?

But these days the only life I know is prayer. Not like a church service or something, though it could be. I'm not talking about being holy joe.

I just mean that the flow of life around us spontaneously pulls God out of our depths into manifested light in the world. And I think as He is pulled out of us the Spirit groans within us with words that cannot be uttered. They are the constant undercurrent of our lives. A river of living water, which we consciously or unconsciously utter in our hearts and minds and sometimes with our mouths.

God in our beginning days is a foreign concept, a step into the unknown, an untried promise.

But our faith settles and what we sought long ago to do, ''pray without ceasing'', has become as naturally incessant as breathing, for there is no other air to breathe, save the Breath of God, no other food to eat, save the Word of God.

If we lie in the gutter, or sit on a throne, no other air, no other food.

Well, since God is All in all and everything, even down to the minutest level and up to the most vast reaches of interstellar space, is composed of and consists of HIM, I'm so glad John tells us, ''God is Love.

BIG NEWS!!!

2009-04-01T13:10:00.000-07:00

OH JOY, OH JOY.....I finally can announce to the world that I am going to be a grandmother. We have been waiting to get through the first trimester and now that the nervous days of being careful in those first few months are solidly behind us, Jill and Eli have given us the green light to share the news with the world. To say we are excited is an understatement. I have been waiting for this moment and I hope many more to come since I resigned myself to the fact that no more babies were coming into the Wilson household....at least from me. I have to admit that the realization of that was very sad but age and the wear and tear on my body from five pregnancies had shouted loud and clear.....the reproductive years are over!! It is now time for the next generation and so it is. More to come on this blessed event as we anticipate the September arrival.
SO HAPPY!!!!

The Mother
by Robert William Service

Your children grow from you apart,
Afar and still afar;
And yet it should rejoice your heart
To see how glad they are;
In school and sport, in work and play,
And last, in wedded bliss
How others claim with joy to-day
The lips you used to kiss.

Your children distant will become,
And wide the gulf will grow;
The lips of loving will be dumb,
The trust you used to know
Will in another's heart repose,
Another's voice will cheer . . .
And you will fondle baby clothes
And brush away a tear.

But though you are estranged almost,
And often lost to view,
How you will see a little ghost
Who ran to cling to you!
Yet maybe children's children will
Caress you with a smile . . .
Grandmother love will bless you still,--
In just a little while.

2009-03-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

Dreary,foggy March day in the mountains. It's the kind of day where you contemplate staying in bed all day reading and writing and watching old movies. It is Sunday and so I think I can get away with it but then there is the constant nagging push to get out there and make something happen. Ira and I have finally agreed to do another restaurant. I have been wanting this for so many years. I always knew that there was another one up our sleeve but his negative feelings of those hard living years have always canceled me out. Now out of necessity he is changing his mind. His timing isn't the greatest with this rotten economy but then we never do things the easy way which usually makes it that much more rewarding. Our battle seems to be finding the location. I have a vision for what I want and so far it is not forthcoming. Several weeks ago we even took a trip to Fla.to see if perhaps that perfect spot in my mind was in a warmer climate and though we had a great little vacation, we ended up back where we started. We feel more at home here in the mountains where we have lived for over 30 years and people know us and our reputation and so unless God gives us a different vision, I think we will continue our search right here. In the meantime we piddle around with Ira and Josh's car lot which is not producing much and wait for Divine direction!!

This rocky time of uncertainty is producing some interesting effects. Funny how money or the lack of it can stop you in your tracks. I feel like we are reverting to the enthusiasm of our beginning years where we were all about the excitement of living on faith that God was mapping out a new frontier. Sometimes we get too comfortable with resting on what we have accomplished instead of looking at what lies ahead. I frankly love the thought of those innocent, faith filled years of trusting God for our daily bread. We never had one thought that He wouldn't provide our every need and He never let us down. We proudly recall those times of supply and it was and always has been our testimony of this life in the Spirit. So here we are again....a few years older but really only stronger in our faith. This time our vision selfishly might include some of my adult children which makes me smile. How great would it be to have your children and grandchildren all a part of this business of my dreams. They most certainly would be more helpful than the first time around when they were children. We even have musical talent to provide the entertainment. Ben was just here for spring break and I took some shots of him and his guitar one sunny afternoon. He and Josh are the poets and music makers in the family and hopefully they will carve out a path of expression in that direction.
I love this song that Ben wrote and asked him to write some of the words to it in my journal. I find many of his songs hard to forget with beautiful melody and poetic verse.

Lord take this open mind
Lead me to finer times
Help me be all that I am.

Help me to see the lies
Read fine between the lines
Help me be all that I am.

I watch the leaves all fall
I try to catch them all

Lord make this appetite
Grow more with every bite
Feed me with all of your plans.

Help me to let you lead
See you in everything
I'll see it more in your hands.

I watch the leaves all fall
I try to catch them all
I watch the leaves all fall.

Isn't that beautiful?? I love my family and look forward to the future where we all will come into the true expression of all that we are in Him.

And The Two Shall Become One

2009-02-14T15:16:00.000-08:00

Long time away from the blog. Life has been too heavy in so many directions that it has been hard to sit and try to put it all into words. But a very bright spot occurred on Jan.18th when Eli and Jill became man and wife. Beautiful,wonderful,glorious wedding and now the two have become one. It was a weekend in Columbus,Ohio that we will hold dear in our hearts forever. Along with all the changes our country is going through, our family is also in the midst of change and I know that God holds us in the palm of His hand and realize that "to much is given, much is required." Our blessings are many and our newest blessing is our beautiful new daughter-in-law. As I timidly tip toe into this new year I anxiously await what lies ahead. I don't think Ira and I have ever been more surrendered and that's a good thing!! Just a few pics to record the joy of the journey.

2008-12-17T05:40:00.000-08:00

So grateful for the gift of Jesus Christ and the empowering of the Holy Spirit more than ever this year. This truly is a time to stop in our tracks and say thank you God for this gift of eternal life that you have given us. Merry Christ-mas to each and everyone.

Jacob Boehme wrote these words back in the 1,400's....true yesterday,today and forever.

''Self-will cannot comprehend anything of God. It is not in God, but external to him. If we live in Christ, the Spirit of Christ will see through us and in us. We will see and know what Christ desires.

''Christ dwelling in the soul, causes his Light to become a holy substance, a spiritual body, a true temple, in which the Holy Spirit dwells. . . . Self-hood hath not true substance in which light can be steadfast. It desireth not God's meekness.

When the Light of God first manifests itself in the Soul, it shines forth as Light from a candle, and kindles the outward Light of Reason immediately; yet it yields not itself wholly up to Reason, so as to be under the dominion of the outward man. No, the outward man beholds himself in this through-shining luster, as he doth his likeness in a looking-glass, whereby he presently learns to know himself, which is good and profitable to him and the only true life there is."

THEN AND NOW

2008-11-29T12:16:00.000-08:00

It is a cold but clear morning, one day before the Thanksgiving holiday. This year our Thanksgiving get together is taking a new turn. I don’t think there have been too many of these holidays that our entire family has not been together to celebrate our many blessings around a bountiful table. This year will be a first in that several of the children will be in other places with other families and we find ourselves dealing with Ira’s sickly parents. Normally George and Nellie are tucked into their Pinehurst house by this time of year but due to so many contributing circumstances, they didn’t go this year. They have been living in Ira’s brother Chris’s guest house which seems to be a fine compromise for their situation but they don’t particularly like living down the mountain and so we are slowly finding out that when they aren’t happy, no one will be happy and life is becoming a rather large problem to be solved by someone....not sure who.

Ira has just left to take Nellie to the Watauga Medical Center for tests on her heart this morning. The doctor ordered some scans to take a look at a re-occurring problem and so the plan was for them to come to our house for a few days so that we could get them to the hospital by 7AM this morning. Seems like it would be a simple task but these people are far from simple and so it is turning into a confused and tense time for all of us.

Ira has been worried all night as he contemplates the “what if's”. George is acting like George, whining and trying to call the shots when he can contribute nothing other than to sit down and wait quietly until she returns with the results. I am battling so many different emotions which is why I felt the urge to try to express what I’m feeling through words. Successfully maneuvering this part of life requires a great deal and I am not sure Ira and I know just what to expect. When my mother passed on I was fortunate to have my sister in control and though I tried to be there when I could, she carried most of the burden, as I was living 500 miles away. In this case we are dealing with the two brothers as the third brother doesn’t count for many reasons and so is not expected to be involved in any way. The load of care and concern will and should be shared between the two boys, Ira and Chris.

As George hits 90 and Nellie 87 it is obvious that they cannot go on living independently forever. They can’t hear, can barely see and you hold your breath as they hobble through the house. It would be the time to start thinking of nursing homes but the idea is never mentioned even though they can well afford it. So what are we going to do with these aging people? Aside from all the many ailments that they seem to thrive on it is quite possible that they could go on like this for many more years. Sometimes I think dwelling on every little ache and pain and running to the doctor becomes a way of life. It more than likely is the only social life they have and so it becomes an endless schedule of appointments and tests and medications and conversation all whirling around this new life of aging.

My dilemma is gracefully handling this with Ira and realizing that his life is my life,for better or for worse. Sometimes the worse part gives you an opportunity for growth and I’m hoping that will be the case. For me putting my feelings down on paper becomes a way of looking at things objectively and coming up with some kind of answer or at least an attempt for a change in attitude.

Number one is that I don’t connect with these people, I never have. Ira’s background and family life have been something that has always been very foreign to me. George Wilson has been a very aggressive, self centered type of man and his wife plays the part of the Italian peasant woman. Their lives have been centered around their immediate concerns which were their boys, their grandson Tracy and themselves. All else was an interference and burden into their world and so early on I felt the slight as far as my life and my children were concerned. Therefore not many warm, loving feelings developed and I learned to just deal with it. Since those warm fuzzies never developed I’ve lived all these years with this family at a comfortable distance. The farther away I could be the better and so it was. Moving to N.C. became for me an escape from the crazy antics of this family but within a few years they all including both brothers moved right back on top of us.

All these years have been spent dealing with this family as politely as I could. Ira has played the middle man, as irritated as I am, but with more obligation to cope with them than I have. Now we find ourselves in this difficult place of having to show compassion,be there for them, wipe their butts if we have to and it just might be the hardest thing I have to do. How do you show that love and compassion when there never was any to begin with. Sometimes I feel I would be a better person to a stranger than to them because there wouldn’t be so much history to live out of.

As I write this, I know what the answer is. Live out of Christ which is the only way to live. He is the one that understands them, loves them and wants to care for them and my only recourse is to replace my resentful,unloving actions with His love for them. Could it be that I am going to be a nurse to them? I cringe at the very thought of it but know that it could be a reality. We will wait for the tests today to see how bad Nellie’s condition is and if it is bad news, where they will go and who will care for them. We kind of knew we would be faced with this one day and realize that the day is approaching quickly. In what place they will spend their final years only God knows. Will it involve making our lives available to them...once again only God knows. It will require laying down our lives for them and though I’m kicking and screaming all the way inwardly, I am letting God know that I’m willing.

Sometimes you just have to back off of a difficult situation and allow that perfect life of Christ to live through you realizing that your life is not your own. I have no recourse but to walk it out as gracefully as possible and hope that Ira and I will have at least a few years somewhere along the way to live in peace with no children worries, parent worries and the never ending money worries . Maybe that will never happen and we have to accept that fact as well. For today, I’ll just hit the delete button, take a deep breath and re-boot.

FAITH

2008-11-14T07:39:00.000-08:00

I have been consumed this past week with the heaviness of what is going on in our world as of late and for therapeutic purposes I grabbed my pen and paper this morning to just put down in black and white what God is telling me about my future. Never in my 58 yrs. have I felt such uncertainty and anxiety about our government, our world and our ultimate survival. When you look at your savings account and take into consideration what goes out vs. what comes in, it can really give you reason to have concern. I hear the stories in the news from friends and even my own children that make me want to curl up in a ball of fear. The fear of the unknown is all it is and I flip flop back and forth between relying on what God says in his Word regarding our provision, to all the “what if's” that my mind conjures up.

Standing strong in the face of adversity is a challenge but it’s a challenge that ultimately will make you stronger in the long run. There is a verse in scripture about how awesome it is that God is mindful of man. Little old me in this great big world and God says that He has count of the hairs on my head! He knows my comings and my goings, my strengths and my weaknesses. He grieves with me and rejoices with me...and why is that... it’s because I am His child. I was birthed into the family of God and God became my Father and from that moment on something greater than my humanness took hold. I think the first thing you feel when you go through this transformation is a sense of peace. The burden of choice has been lifted. I chose Life and I trust that this Life will be the guiding force from whatever days I have been appointed on this earth. This comfort and sense of security has never let me down and I hope I have passed this on to my children but now we find ourselves at a time of life where the boat is rocking somewhat and I am needing to remind myself “from whence cometh my strength?" Of course I know that it indeed does come from the Lord.

The past two weeks we celebrated two birthdays in our family as well as the birthday of my sister. It has been a busy and happy time of love and good wishes and the assurance that we are all here for each other, no matter what. The one thing I try to stress to them all above everything else,is that your first priority is to know beyond a shadow of a doubt who you serve...God or man. We must always remember that we can never be completely autonomous beings. We will serve either God or Satan but we will never exclusively serve ourselves. So the real difficulty to our coming to know the truth about life is rooted in our wanting that which we can never have which is the desire to be the God of our own life and that is the part that keeps us in this worry and restless frustration.

I had a long conversation last night with my son about a job change. After spending so much time and money on education and climbing the corporate ladder he finds himself in a job that is stifling and very unfulfilling. He feels his talent and passion for what he has been created to do, sitting by the wayside. His inner prompt is telling him to jump into the unknown but the rational side is probably scared to death when you look around and consider all the “what if's”. A few scriptures came to mind:

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life.”
(Matthew 26:25-27)

And then this one which is the glue that holds it all together:

“This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose Life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice and hold fast to Him.
(Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

So I tell my kids to just hold fast. He’s got our backs and realize that when we chose Him, He BECAME our choice so it’s a win win situation. Our existence on this planet is exclusively about Life. Everything else is details and we can get seriously bogged down in the details of living. We are consumed with the physical, mental and emotional aspects of living. I get caught so often myself and it is usually my children that bring me circumstances and situations that remind me of who is in control because my only response is to remind them of who is in control.

So......another day of listening to the doom and gloom on my favorite current events show...."Morning Joe" and offering words of comfort to friends and family that call to vent about how crazy it’s all getting to be. As my favorite author William Landon says:

“If you will not come to the Father to have life you are dead. If you do come to the Father you will have the life that is real life. You will have this life for all eternity. It is a life that no one can take from you. This is a life that is even impervious of anything you have done or will do. The choice for life is the one choice that is irrevocable. It is a life that overcomes all things. This wonderful gift of life is available for the asking. There is nothing to join and there are no dues to pay or forms to fill out. If you choose to express this real life in some organizational way, that is up to you. Such organizational expressions are not required and they will not disqualify you.”

Now that is a bargain if you ask me.

TIMELESS WORDS

2008-11-10T04:21:00.000-08:00

The Second Coming
By William Butler Yeats

Turning and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

LIVING FROM THE INSIDE OUT

2008-10-30T09:10:00.000-07:00

It is a glorious fall day and my body is screaming to get outside and enjoy it but my Spirit is urging me to sit down and write. I have been dwelling lately on some topics that I want to discuss with myself. I kind of look at it that way....flesh against Spirit. Ever get a phrase or thought going in your mind and find that it surprisingly comes up in conversation, on the T.V. or in something you're reading? Coincidence....maybe but I usually take it as a confirmation of something I need to think about. I say an inner, OK,OK,I see it! Well,this week it has been this notion of "redefining yourself" which I know could be sparked by the dreaded fact that I am getting older and don't like what I see in the mirror. Most people don't have the luxury of picking and choosing the course of life when you're young, you just run as fast as you can to survive. The older years provide time for reflection and a chance to review the question of, "how's that working for you"?

We are bombarded these days with the uneasy feeling of concern for the future. This election that is days away will most assuredly bring a change to our country. I go back and forth with the thought of will it be a positive or negative change? I detest the feeling of living in fear of the unknown but have to admit that I wrestle with it. I'm finding the same fears apply to other parts of my life such as health,aging,finances,relationships. Can we ever get to a point in life where we can honestly say we are comfortable in our skin?? I have been thinking a lot about that lately because I don't think I've ever really been there.

My son and I had the conversation the other day about whether it is true that a person can not be photogenic. He said a photographer friend of his said there is no such thing. A good photograph is a photo of a person who is confident, relaxed and happy and I thought maybe that might be true. There is a hesitant,fearful force inside of us that is at war with the Spirit and that could be what inhibits the reflection. There is an interior life to the physical body and we must get a hold of how powerful and important it is to our well being. Many places in Scripture elude to the fact that our physical body is different from other parts of our human makeup.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Cor.4:16-18)

We have this awesome source of Life inside of us which is Spirit and is not subject to the ways of the world. I'm so glad of that, aren't you?? Living out of it is the secret of Life. The Spirit is what keeps our soul and body alive, not the other way around. When the Spirit leaves the body, you're dead! Remember the story in Luke when Jesus raised Jairus' daughter and it says, "Her Spirit returned and at once she stood up." The important thing to see here is that as Spirit beings, our physical body does not define us. The life that is real life is lived from the INSIDE. We actually are living from the inside out so being comfortable in your own skin is a time of life when you have truly,deeply tapped into God's life in you and you just relax and enjoy the ride.

The opposite which I have seen in so many disturbed people, is a sense of loneliness and despair brought on by a childlike fear of being all alone in the universe which in fact they are. They see nothing other than the decaying,decreasing and declining physical body which shouts to the mind that death is ever approaching.

I have been obsessed the past few months with the crazy,wild,creative and inspiring writers of the 1920's. I'm zipping through biography's at a fast pace. Why I'm on that tangent I don't know, but it's been interesting reading. The common thread that I see is two fold. I envy their brilliance, their talent, their passion, their carefree attitude for love and living and the ability to write what they feel but there is such a cold, irreverent attitude towards God and life beyond the day to day. I am grieved to see how so many of them go stark raving mad. Raging alcoholics,drug addicts and extremely depressed and suicidal people. I guess that is what got me thinking of this charade many people live in.

Came across this fitting little dark poem by Ogden Nash. I love poetry, dark and light. It's such a mirror of the heart.

Listen...
Ogden Nash

There is a knocking in the skull,
An endless silent shout
Of something beating on a wall,
And crying, “Let me out!”
That solitary prisoner
Will never hear reply.
No comrade in eternity
Can hear the frantic cry.
No heart can share the terror
That haunts his monstrous dark.
The light that filters through the chinks
No other eye can mark.
When flesh is linked with eager flesh,
And words run warm and full,
I think that he is loneliest then,
The captive in the skull.
Caught in a mesh of living veins,
In cell of padded bone,
He loneliest is when he pretends
That he is not alone.
We'd free the incarcerate race of man
That such a doom endures
Could only you unlock my skull,
Or I creep into yours.

God says in His word....."Come partake of the life that is real life."

la famiglia

2008-10-26T05:08:00.000-07:00

Life is meandering along with not a whole lot of news worthy information to report. We did have an unexpected visit from Eli and Jill this past weekend which made me very happy. Great dinner at a favorite restaurant, invigorating 17 mile bike ride in Virginia, the guys got in a golf game on Sat. and a nice departure lunch and walk down memory lane in the Blowing Rock park Monday afternoon before they headed back to PA. It was a quick visit but somehow squeezing in these brief encounters is important when we become so spread out in life. It never occurred to me how difficult it would be to let go of these strong attachments you develop with your children. One by one they come to me in these adult years, in a letter, a phone conversation, even an argument that reveals the measure of the man. For me it has become a time to sit back and observe how all the delicious ingredients you have been adding to the pot all these years, has indeed produced a fine meal. I am very proud of each and every one. They all provide and give back to me a necessary ingredient that in turn is producing a finished product in my bigger picture. I never thought about it that way but it might be how it works. What you instill in someone is reflected back. It keeps you on your toes as it can be easy to forget who you are sometimes. They remind me!!

Life's Rests

2008-10-08T18:05:00.000-07:00

John Ruskin 1819-1900

There is no music in a rest, but there is the making of music in it. In our whole life-melody the music is broken off here and there by ''rests,'' and we foolishly think we have come to the end of the tune. God sends a time of forced leisure, sickness, disappointed plans, frustrated efforts, and makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives, and we lament that our voices must be silent, and our part missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the Creator.

How does the musician read the rest? See him beat the time with unvarying count, and catch up the next note true and steady, as if no breaking place had come between.

Not without design does God write the music of our lives. But be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dismayed at the ''rests.''

They are not to be slurred over nor to be omitted, nor to destroy the melody, nor to change the keynote. If we look up, God Himself will beat the time for us. With the eye on Him, we shall strike the next note full and clear.

--John Ruskin, the greatest Victorian bar Victoria, was an artist, scientist, poet, environmentalist, philosopher, and the pre-eminent art critic of his time

DOING LIFE

2008-10-02T10:03:00.002-07:00

"You also have to turn on the switch, nobody is going to do it for you."

Two little sentences from William Zinsser's book, On Writing Well, became the current supplied to my faulty switch plate that for years I had reasoned was operating more or less in the dimmer switch mode rather than just plain off. I knew I had the capability or maybe just desire to go full throttle but couldn't grasp the idea that perhaps the wiring wasn't even making connection. So...it was an inspiring idea. Turn the light on silly and maybe you will get the current flowing and get some clarity to what is left of your time here. Lot's of wasted years, but it's never to late to start.

OK...I wrote that in one of my many fifteen minutes of inspiration modes and when I read it today I took a big sigh and said, yeah, you did it again. I think what I'm really grappling with is purpose and feeling what Eric Liddell expressed in the movie Chariots Of Fire..."I believe God made me for a purpose, but He also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure."

As one of my favorite authors Dan Stone said, "Our humanity is God's asset."
I'm starting to realize that God needs us as much as we need Him and if we are going to function on the human level we must at some point come to grips with that notion or else "continue to live lives of quiet desperation." He has designed us to express Him, so why is it so difficult? It takes such a load off your mind when you realize you are only an outward expression of an inward God. I think I have this quote by Thomas Merton written in my journal at least three times, not remembering I had written it before "Esteemed friends, birds of noble lineage. I have no message to you except this: be what you are, be birds. Thus you will be your own sermon to yourselves."

The total you; the one that speaks your mind, your emotions, your hopes, your fears, needs a body and this is the only one you're going to get. So why do I cower in the corner afraid to take the leap??

I got so moved watching a show yesterday on Oprah about a woman that left her 2 yr.old daughter in her 100 degree car for 8hrs. Her mind was elsewhere that day when she switched routines with her husband who usually takes the baby to the sitter. In a scattered moment instead of going to the sitter she stopped to pick up donuts for her fellow workers and then just continued on to work, forgetting that her daughter was in the car. I only hope that God took her spirit quickly, maybe while she was asleep in those first hours. But can you imagine the grief and torment this woman has been through? I have done similar things myself and know that "there but for the grace of God go I." I've left my children standing in the rain waiting to be picked up from school because I was too consumed at the restaurant. I've lost track of my four yr.old while I was chatting on the phone with a friend, only to find him standing in the highway near our house. Yes... that's our humanness that will be ever with us and though my situations have not proven to be that tragic....they came close.

Thank God this woman is deciding to USE IT. That is all any of us can do with our lives. Stop seeing ourselves as a liability, as if there is something more that needs to happen or something we have to do to be an asset to God. What you despise about yourself can become a blessing to someone else. It is so much a mind thing to see what you feel is a lack or defect in yourself and instead see that this very thing might attract some people toward you. There were many expressions of compassion for this family, as they all could relate to this horrible experience and felt that her story was a warning signal for them to SLOW DOWN!!! A sacrifice so that others may live. I think God really does feel pleasure when we rest in Him regardless of what dips and turns He takes us through...the highs and the very,very lows. It all matters.

So I'm thinking my daily activities should follow some pattern if I'm alert enough to see it. I've gotten myself into a lull lately. On the one hand, it's a time of life for me where I am free to do anything I choose but for some reason I can't seem to put my finger on what the image of that choice looks like. I do know that when I take a breath and stop the condemning voice and turn the music on, it soothes my soul and gets me a little closer to what lies ahead. I like this from Dan Stone:

"Thank God for your humanity. Thank God for your parents even for the difficult things that you inherited from them. God used them to help make you the perfect instrument you are. Thank God for you warts because He's going to make them a blessing in someone else's life. You come to a place of inner peace, knowing that the warts..the imperfections that constitute your outer humanity are the very things that some brother,sister,boy or girl will be able to get a hold of. They'll be able to relate to that wart. And as they do, they'll receive the Life that lives in you. Take back your humanity as the dwelling place of the Most High God."

Thank God for your humanity......and who knows what will emerge!!

FOR BEN

2008-09-25T04:16:00.000-07:00

I FOUND IT!!!
Ben has been asking me to find this moment in time for a month now and I finally found the time to go through my many,many journals and voila!! So glad I have written down our life over all these years. It really is the journey of us.

excerpt from my journal 8-2-91

Feelings of anxiety and frustration are mounting as I try to cope with these crowded living conditions and the lack of privacy I feel living next to the restaurant. The boys are restless and literally bouncing off the walls and beds. After dinner and baths I tucked Ben in his bed and fell down exhausted beside him. I hate these feelings of desperation that seem to ooze out of me and spill all over the children. I see so clearly that they absorb only what you give them. Help me Lord to let your perfect love be the love that they receive and not my tired,worn out sometimes angry emotions. I received a revelation or maybe just an overwhelming realization that I am wasting my children's life away...especially Ben. What a little sponge he is. He joyfully soaks up the beauty of life... if I would only give it to him. I absorb myself in my own thoughts and feelings and sometimes fail to see what is under my nose. I have been experimenting with story telling the past few nights. Instead of the typical book to read I've been weaving fairy tales but making them more personal and tailor made to fit each child. Oh how they love it!! The look on Ben's face last night as I spoke some magical words that painted a picture in his mind was interesting. He literally froze in mid air and seemed caught in wonder and then he did the sweetest thing....he reached over and took my head in his hands and kissed my forehead. I just lay there thinking of the opportunity I'm missing to mold a life, to expose a tiny soul to the beauty of the world. I am sorely missing it. I expose them more to my anger and frustrations than anything else. I've got to get a hold of this before it's to late. Thank you God for showing me how much it all matters.

a quote by I'm not sure who:

"A door opens in the center of our being and we seem to fall through it into immense depths which although they are infinite and are all accessible to us; all eternity seems to have become ours in this one placid and breathless contact."

THE SENSE OF LIFE

2008-09-11T07:31:00.001-07:00

We're in the fast lane this month with many things crammed into just a few weeks. Our week in Hilton head has come and gone. Few pics here to mark the event. Four wonderful days spent with Bethany and Brian over the Labor Day weekend. Seeing my dear daughter is like embracing an old friend. As familiar and comforting as a warm hug. Gone are the feelings of judgement that parents are so easy to fall into. The ongoing urge to advise and correct,the never ending cloak of worry and fear from lack of trust that plagues a concerned mother......no more of that. There comes a time when a child reaches a stage of life where they have taken flight and are soaring on their own and you just happen at certain intervals to meet in the air! Not all of the children are at this place in life so it is a relaxing and pleasurable experience to come together with one who has. The big aide in operating out of relationship is knowing that this child is no longer your child but God's child. When you see that God has the reigns of their life, it is much easier to sit back and enjoy the journey.

So a journey it was, our week in Hilton Head. Glorious ocean,breathtaking blue skies,sandy beaches,food,laughter and fun. We even made a trip to Charleston and hit a few of our favorite spots. With every visit we get to know Bethany's love, Brian, a little better and realize what a wonderful God loving man he is. That familiar thud in my stomach came Monday morning as I realized in a few hours we would be saying goodbye. I've gotten better at letting go, God is working with me on that, but it's never easy. We slid back into the groove on Wed. as we headed back up the mountain and Ira was off to a car auction and I prepared for some dreaded medical tests that my diligent doctor insisted I take. I come from the perspective of "invincible woman" and so rarely go to the doctor. I'm never sick and truly operate out of God's life in me but forget that there is a human covering that houses this Spirit and it is subject to the elements of this atmosphere. I so don't like acknowledging that but it's true, so after five years I bit the bullet and went the whole nine yards of testing and it was a testing. Blood tests,pap smears,mammograms,colonoscopy...Yuck!! I moved into that world that is surrounded by fear and loathing. A big scare with the report of a spot on my mammogram that looked suspicious. Several other things that could be something but were not. The typical jerking around of my faith. I admit I fall for it and also admit that it is necessary to establish my foundation. Surrender is a big word that is taking on an even bigger role in my life these days. Surrender means you are not in control. It means that you have given permission for something greater or lesser to have control. I think you have to surrender to something or someone, as self-reliance is a form of independence from God which is how this whole thing got started.

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."(Joshua 24:15)

I call serving the Lord a good thing, so what's to worry?? A big relief came
yesterday when after the ordeal of the colonoscopy was behind me (pun intended)I was given a green light on all accounts. Through it all, God has been stirring a new business/ministry idea that deals with suffering in my heart and these events have only confirmed it. I know that when we are surrendered to the Lord we can be sure our God and Father our Comforter and Protector is always up to something and it's always for His glory which means that if I had not gotten a good report it would still be true because He says in His word,

"We know that in all things God works for our good to those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)

The good, the bad and the ugly are all transformed in the Light but it's walking in the Light that is the challenge. It ain't easy!!! Sometimes the bigger issues seem easier than the small stuff. Help me God to shine as I do errands today, meet with a possible new real estate client,do yard work and clean the house. Confirm or put out the fire of yearning I have for this new business idea. I know it could just be a restlessness or the beginning of a new day so let me always be in a state of surrender to Your will and Your way.....and a little p.s...keep us all safe in this crazy world we live in!

OFF TO THE BEACH

2008-08-26T10:00:00.000-07:00

Not much between here and there except we are getting ready to go on vacation and I'm excited!!! Leaving tomorrow for Hilton Head for a whole week and also get to be with Bethany and Brian which is what I'm most excited about. Haven't seen her in a long time and we have lot's of things planned for the weekend. Hope and pray that the weather holds out. So far it looks like we're OK but you never know with these storms in the forecast. Even so, we will do lots of laughing eating,games,cards,movies and of course be watching the big ASU/LSU game on Sunday, God willing. Eli and Jill will be front and center so please God either still the waters or give all people involved in the path of fury time to make appropriate arrangements. I don't know if it's me in my constant concern for everyone or the world is spinning at a faster speed these days but it seems there is always something brewing that spells disaster. Our faith should be the anchor that keeps us steady even when the boat is rocking so I keep that in mind as we all move in different directions. Keep us all safe Lord under your wing of protection. Packing the car up and off we go!!!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

2008-08-24T13:49:00.000-07:00

Three things there are too wonderful for me,
Four which I do not comprehend,
The way of an eagle in the air,
The way of a snake on a rock,
The way of a ship in the midst of the sea,
And the way of a man with a maid
.
proverbs 30:18-19

Today is our anniversary and so a good time to reflect on marriage and the tapestry that is being woven these past 38 yrs. It's a good thing every once in awhile to reflect. Maybe every year on the eve of 365 days of hanging on for dear life, I'll remember to take a moment and take stock of what's gone down. It can be my little ritual.

I think I just recently started to understand how complex and deep this marriage business is and what God had in mind when He said, "It's not good for man to be alone." I moved into that position at a very young age, so there has not been much time spent without my soul mate. I've always known marriage is not about the joining of two people so much as the two people becoming one but it sure has taken me a long time to totally comprehend that revelation. The past few months it started to sink in and latched on like never before. Maybe the reflection is coming on strong because we are approaching the wedding of Eli and Jill and as they begin this marriage journey, you so want to pass on any nuggets you have learned if only to warn of upcoming pitfalls; kind of like blinking your lights to oncoming cars to warn of a speed trap. I'm always very grateful of that but then I shouldn't be speeding in the first place. But we do speed and we do make mistakes and I know that that is a part of the process. While I groan, God builds. I’ve found that keeping the adventure and excitement is an important part of our relationship. Life can get a little boring at times. Same old same old so I think we are going to to something daring today and go canoe the New. We've had many wonderful memories boating and tubing down the New River, it's truly a beautiful and fun way to spend an afternoon. In the past we have always gone with friends and family but today we'll go alone...just the two of us. There are some things I want to discuss with Ira about marriage and I feel like I'll have a captive audience as it takes about 3 hrs. from start to finish. The main thing I want to share on this most hallowed day is that I see so clearly now that the relationship between what's going on with Ira and I is very similar to what's going on in my relationship with the Lord, almost like a temperature gauge. I've been feeling a little distant lately with Ira, seems like the surface stuff gets priority and our connection time always comes last. I've been feeling that with the Lord as well. I know it's not Him that moved but nevertheless I feel it. Could it be that easy when He says "draw close to me and I will draw close to you". A big part of my floundering these days is this mid-life transition. Don't like it at all!!! Thirty eight years of non-stop activity, five wild and crazy kids, four of them boys (mothers of boys will sympathize), the insane life of owning a restaurant for 21 yrs., the real estate profession, two dogs that walked the walk with us and then all of a sudden one day.......silence. Kids gone, business sold, even the dogs died and here we are two aging...which isn't fun...old farts starring at each other saying, "now what???"

I realize that this hump is a necessary part of the relationship between God and man and with each other so I'm trying patiently to stop asking the age old question of "are we there yet??" too much. I have to remind myself that this is a journey with a beginning,a middle and an end. Middle can be good. Middle can be adventurous, middle can be exciting but middle can also be scary. I found this poem written on an old piece of parchment paper, tucked in a book in an antique store years ago and bought it for 50 cents. I had it framed and gave it to Ira last year on this day. We had a beautiful anniversary dinner surrounded by all the children at Dominic's in a private little gazebo with the sun setting into the mountains. It was the first time one of the children picked up the whole tab, which is a milestone. A beautiful witness of love and relationships and the reward in my eyes of faith and perseverance . It sums up the long journey and says in short, the person we love is inevitably a cross, as well as being a helper in the carrying of the cross. We journey on together with no map and that can by frustrating at times. I want to know where I'm going, darn it!! God just whispers in my ear.....trust me, you're going to like it. I've given you on earth, a friend, a buddy,someone to make you laugh, someone to comfort you, someone to protect you, someone who will stick with you through thick and thin, someone to share the joy of the journey with, someone to love on this earth and then.....who knows when that time will come......I'll take over from that point on. Pretty good deal.

I am very blessed

TOGETHER STILL

IT HASN'T BEEN EASY TO MAKE THE CLIMB,
BUT THE WAY WAS EASED BY YOUR HAND IN MINE.

LIKE THE MOUNTAINS, OUR LIFE HAS HAD RIPPLES TOO,
ILL-HEALTH,AND WORRIES, AND PAYMENTS DUE,
WITH HAPPY PAUSES ALONG THE WAY,
A GRADUATION, A RAISE IN PAY.

AT THE FOOT OF THE SLOPE, WE WILL STOP AND REST,
LOOK BACK, IF YOU WISH, WE'VE BEEN TRULY BLESSED,
WE'VE BEEN SPARED THE GRIEF OF BEING TORN APART
BY DEATH OR DIVORCE OR A BROKEN HEART.

THE VIEW AHEAD IS ONE OF THE BEST,
JUST A LITTLE BIT FARTHER AND THEN WE CAN REST.

SUMMER DINNER ON THE FARM

2008-08-18T13:56:00.001-07:00

Got together with some old friends last night. Beautiful evening spent laughing and eating way to much. We're always amazed to see all the progress that Steve and Lisa make on their property from month to month. We had a great time catching up. Tomorrow we're off to Atlanta for a few days for some car shopping. Hope we don't get caught in the aftermath of Hurricane Faye. We might be able to get in and out before the bad weather creeps north. You never know what to expect these days. The only thing I know for sure is that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8) My comfort is in knowing that I've surrendered to the fact that God has a plan for me and I only pray that He will keep our journey filled with adventure and a happy heart. Our friendships make the journey so much more fun. We really celebrated each other last night.

THE MATCHLESS DISCOVERY

2008-08-15T05:20:00.000-07:00

Each individual will make a matchless discovery. He will be able to cease from constantly scrutinizing the other person, judging him, condemning him, putting him in his particular place where he can gain ascendancy over him and thus doing violence to him as a person. Now he can allow the brother to exist as a completely free person, as God made him to be. His view expands and, to his amazement, for the first time he sees, shining within his brethren, the richness of God's creative glory. God did not make this person as I would have made him. He did not give him to me as a brother for me to dominate and control, but in order that I might find within him the Creator. Now the other person, in the freedom with which he was created, becomes the occasion of joy, whereas before he was only a nuisance and an affliction.

God does not will that I should fashion the other person according to the image that seems good to me, that is, in my own image; rather in his very freedom from me God made this person in His image. I can never know beforehand how God's image should appear in others. That image always manifests a completely new and unique form that comes solely form God's free and sovereign creation. To me the sight may seem strange, even ungodly. But God creates every man in the likeness of His Son, the Crucified. After all, even that image certainly looked strange and ungodly to me before I grasped it.

Strong and weak, wise and foolish, gifted or ungifted, pious or impious, the diverse individuals in the community are no longer incentives for talking and judging and condemning, and thus excuses for self-justification. They are rather cause for rejoicing in one another and serving one another.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his book Life Together

GO U.S.A.!!!!

2008-08-12T07:55:00.000-07:00

Why is it so hard to find the time to be consistent with this blog. I have good intentions every day to write a little something and then it always gets pushed down to the bottom of the list. This fabulous weather isn't helping. Here in the N.C. mountains we have been getting a touch of fall which feels so great. It actually was in the high 40's last night. For some reason I couldn't sleep and was up at 3:30 watching the Olympics which have been so fun to watch. The opening ceremonies were like none I've ever seen and given me such awe and appreciation for the Chinese people. I mean the words talent and creativity don't come close to describing their gifts. Got this picture off the Internet at a site called Boston.com which have some fabulous photo's of the ceremony

I wish I had my camera handy last night to capture the expression on this big raccoon that decided to pay me a visit at 4am. He climbed way up to my porch and was looking for who knows what. Didn't find much except my pineapple plant that he was ready to pull off the table until I rapped on the window and he bolted. Before that he came right up to the glass door and just stared at me. Didn't seem a bit afraid though my hair was standing up on the back of my neck. It's funny how freaked out we get with wild animals from the smallest little bee to the larger variety.

Well I'm off to a picnic with my husband and three of the boys. Beautiful night so we're going to cook out at Price Lake which is so convieniently located around the corner. Hope to get some new pictures. Haven't taken any in so long. Josh and Gabe both just got new guitars and I'm anxious to hear some of their new music. I'm going to be better at this blog thing...promise.

B & B IN ITALY

2008-07-26T09:01:00.000-07:00

Not a whole lot going on these hot July days. Love this picture of Bethany and Brian from their Italian vacation album. Bethany did such a great job with her photo's, so much so that I felt like I had taken the trip with them. Check out this site if you are contemplating a trip to Italy. Seems like it's not quite as expensive as other parts of the country. Maybe a good place for Eli and Jill for "the honeymoon."

http://www.trullosolari.com/solari_gallery.html

Ira and i just returned from a few days in Atlanta. Very hot and not a very productive trip as far as car buying goes but we had fun. Stayed at our favorite Hyatt Hotel in Buckhead and no trip to Atlanta would be complete until we stopped at Trader Joe's.
Loaded up on Two Buck Chuck,nuts,coffee and my favorite Italian Grapefruit Soda. I LOVE Trader Joe's!! My other favorite is Costco. My cupboards are quite full at the moment. Makes it easier to not have to go to the grocery store as much. Next weekend we are doing our camping thing again. I've got my little storehouse of camping gear,tent and camp stove and will gather up all our "stuff" this week. Here we are a few weeks ago at Price Lake. We have this fabulous state park right around the corner from us. So close that I forgot to bring candles and we just ran home to get them. Ira thinks we need to go farther away but I say what for, when you feel like your miles away but the drive back is only minutes. We always have fun, no matter where we go. Josh stopped by for dinner with Nigel. This time we might stay two nights and throw in some boating on Sunday. Life is good!!

HAPPY DAYS

2008-07-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

I’ve been having the writing bug lately. Bought myself a new notebook and a pen that looked very sleek and fine pointed but seem to just be staring at the tools of the trade rather than putting them to good use. So I’ll do my blog!! I have been busy with my boys. I guess mothering them is a good way to put it. Spent two days in Wilmington with Ben that will be tucked away as a very pleasant memory. It began with my having to drive him back to school after the July 4th long weekend. All of the children except Bethany were here for our annual party as well as my friend Suzanne from Jacksonville and her friend Ellen. When all the excitement of the few days came to an end, we realized that we had to get Ben back to school, which is a five hour trip, before Monday’s classes. Since I’m not on the nine to five schedule, I seemed to be the best option. Ira and I had moved him into his little house on Park St. back in Aug. but we really haven’t been there since so I kind of had a hint that his little house might need some fluffing up. Oh yeah.....big time fluffing! I put on my rubber gloves and dug in. After a few hours we had a clean house, spotless bathroom, a toilet that you wanted to sit on and various other improvements, including a washer and dryer I found on Craig’s List. These boys actually don’t even notice these things but it does a mother’s heart good to restore some sense of cleanliness and order to the environment. A trip to Costco made a huge improvement to the pantry. I think, but am not sure, that he might be able to get through the semester with the essentials, being peanut butter and macaroni and cheese. I love Costco for the fact that I know he will not run out of toilet paper, toothpaste, soap and such; everything comes in such large quantities. Next day was our beach day, where he could finally show me his moves on the surfboard he got a few Christmas’s ago. So happy to just be hanging out with this precious son of mine. We got lots of sun and got back in time for him to get to class. We stayed up till 3am that night listening to all our favorite music and he and his roommate played guitar and sang some of their newest pieces they are working on. Took a bunch of his friends out to dinner at a seaside restaurant. Just a fabulous collection of small moments that cemented the bond that has always been there.

So yesterday, a week later, I moved into a very similar story with Gabe, my 24 yr. old. He just rented a beautiful little log cabin perched on a 3 acre hillside overlooking the valley and I wanted to help him do the same.....fluff! We carted things in, hung a few pictures. He had already gotten most of the furniture in and it was looking great. We stopped at Lowes and picked up several ferns, and a palm plant for the corner then headed for the grocery store and did a repeat from the past week. Tons of groceries, things he in his frugal ways would never buy. Just spoiled him a little, which feels so good. After putting all the goods away, we sat on his porch, had a beer and talked about life and love and then we prayed for his little chunk of the world and for all the new adventures God has in store for us all. I drove down the winding driveway around 7pm with tears of gratitude in my eyes for the blessing of these five children that God has given me. Each one, so unique and individual. Each one a lover of you God and each one dedicated to becoming an authentic expression of who they are in You.... I respect that so much. Every wrong turn or difficult path they have taken has only served to teach them the straight and narrow and I feel so much more confident that they are beginning to fly.

A few weeks ago a little sparrow made a nest in my hanging basket in the carport and when I went to get in the car, I noticed that her almost ready to fly baby had fallen out of the nest and looked to be smashed on the concrete floor. In horror we picked it up and really didn’t know what to do......the only thing moving was it’s little beak, slowly opening and closing. Ira had thoughts of putting it out of it’s misery but we couldn’t imagine that, so we took it inside and wrapped it in a warm towel and prayed for new life. Well, new life did indeed come in time. The next morning, it was sitting upright and so we put it back in the nest and mama soon came back to claim her own. We were overjoyed of course but realized how hard it is sometimes to fly. Many false starts and sometimes tragedy but the majority of God’s creatures,large and small, do find their way into the big wide world and many times soar!! I’ve been growing up these babies for 36 yrs. and I all of a sudden am realizing that maybe the real flight is just beginning. I have a big smile on my heart as I sit back and contemplate how great this next half of life is going to be.

THE GRAND FINALE

2008-07-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

Slow going in the writing department. I think I am just starting to unwind from the past few weeks. Lots of company,too much partying and the big event of the July 4th week was the official engagement of Eli and Jill. He popped the question during the grand finale of the Blowing Rock July 4th fireworks extravaganza and it was just the best ending to a perfect weekend. I really believe that all of the marriage,grandchildren hoopla is just beginning for us. I have been wishing and praying for it to happen for so long and can now feel that energy in the air. I'm trying more these days to live in the moment rather than regretting the past or worse running ahead with my own ideas for the future. Even though I don't agree totally with Eckhart Tolle who wrote The Power of Now, his words have given me insight into walking in the Spirit. There really is POWER in trusting God in the now. So....my anxious plea's for my children are exactly that...anxious plea's that serve only to make me crazy. Of course God knows that I am in a much better state of mind and age to enjoy what lies ahead than ever before.

So...one down and four more to go.

OH MY!!!

2008-06-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

Where has all the time gone??? The summer is whipping by at such a fast pace. Our big event of Eli's 30th surprise birthday party has come and gone. In a nutshell it was fabulous!! Jill had planned this birthday weekend for months ahead and it all went over without a hitch. He truly was surprised. About 30 of his friends and family from all over the country came together to celebrate Eli. We had a great time exploring Pittsburgh, a very cool city, and finally got a chance to meet many of Jill's family. Good food,fun,lots of laughter and so much love and happiness made it a weekend we will all remember. I'm making a book of all the photographs but here are a few peeks.

Life has been busy. The car business has been busy,keeping Ira and Gabe running. A friend and I are scouting around looking for a place to do a dessertery or maybe a small cafe. The weather has been beautiful and we are enjoying our little house overlooking the mountains. I've also got a guy that is going to help me make a web page for real estate just to get a few more leads. Lots of irons in the fire. Was so looking forward to Bethany and Brian coming for our big July 4th party but noooo.....they are instead going on an unexpected trip to Italy so we're sad but thrilled that they will have this opportunity. That's all the short news. Will try to find my way back here in the next few weeks. Chow

BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE COUNTRY

2008-05-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday we did some major R&R and spent the day with our friends Steve and Lisa on their newly acquired farm in Ashe County. I posted a picture of the sweet little farm house last fall and we were eager to see what they have done with the property since then. Wow.....is all I can say. In that short amount of time they have perfected almost every inch of the 40 acre spread. We rounded the bend to see the most fabulous home sitting on the hill overlooking the valley. Their horse, Jesse, greeted us as we pulled in the drive and ran with us as we neared the entrance. Super greeting for an animal lover. We had such a great day. Marveling over all the beautiful work they have done, inside and out. Lots of food,wine and fellowship made a perfect day. Took about an hour to get home. Picture is of the new house with the little farmhouse, which is now the guest house, in the distance and I like the one of Abigail sitting in the truck.

This week finds us scurrying around buying cars for the lot,getting ready for the Memorial weekend and Ira's birthday on Sunday. We are so happy to be back in the mountains and have no regrets about leaving Fla. I truly do not know what that two years was about but I know everything happens for a reason so I'm going to leave it at that. Our friendship with our dearest friends in Fla. took a hit which at first made me very sad but all is forgiven and I've come to a place of peace with the big WHY??? I like this piece from Dan Stone. I taped it to my refrigerator about 20 yrs. ago and still say a "yes" in my Spirit when I read it, so it's a true thing for me. Blessings to all.

Walking in the Light
Dan Stone

When it dawns on you that you truly are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and that He lives and walks in you, you begin to see all life from God's point of view. You are no longer hung up on good and evil as absolutes. You begin to see that the human situation, or what some call the ''facts'' of life, is nothing but God's necessary prerequisite for His Self-revelation. So you are always looking for God in every situation. As Jesus said, if your eye is single your whole body is full of light. You are full of light because you see only One person operating in all of life's situations. But as long as you are asking, ''Is this good? Is this bad?'' you are in darkness. To call it God if it looks good, and to say it isn't God if it looks bad, is darkness.

God has met me three times in my life with great truths, and I was in hell all three times! He had to get me into hell before He could show me something about Himself. It's the aggravating situations in life that get our attention. But they are not absolutes. They are merely God's calling-card.

I don't know of one single occasion when Jesus got up off His straw pallet in the morning, stretched, and said, ''Oh, I feel so good today, I think I'll do a dozen miracles.'' But sometimes that's the way we act. We're going to get up today to do something for someone. He may not ask us to do it, but we're going out to do good deeds. Jesus never did that. He never went out to do a single good deed. The situation of need drew forth the action. If there had never been a need, there would never have been a miracle. There had to be a negative to draw forth the positive. There has to be evil so that we can see God's love for us.

2008-05-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

Just after I posted my Mothers Day words I got this most beautiful letter from the youngest of the troop, Ben. I don't think money could buy a greater gift than this. It truly is one of the most heart warming gifts I've ever received. I know they all feel that way but Ben, your words spoke volumes. Thank you so much. I love you all more than life.

Mother Nature....Happy Mothers Day!!!

I was going to drive home this weekend to surprise you, but the ole Oceanic wouldnt let me. I feel like its been forever since ive seen you and I'm not happy about that. Anyways, I wanted to let you know on this special day that I love you so much and i really miss you. You are a very big inspiration to me and I realize more and more each day how important you are to me and what an influence you have on everything I do. Whether it be a song I am writing or just a conversation I have with my friends,your words speak through me. By the way I just wrote a song called "Jesus Dont Leave Us Alone" and I think you're gonna like it. You have made me into the man that I am today and I could not thank you enough. I am getting to a place in my life now where I really feel that the Lord is taking over. I dont feel scared anymore. I am finally feeling secure in every step I take and I have you to thank for that. You have put up with so much of my crap and somehow have always been there for me. I really wish I could be home right now to give you a huge hug and a kiss but hopefully I will be there soon enough.I love you more than words can say

Your Son, Benjamin Giovara

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

2008-05-11T06:08:00.000-07:00

Came across these words and thought it appropriate on this day. Several years ago I gave each child a framed copy. Happy Day to all the mothers out there. I hope you know how much you are loved.

Mother
Unknown

The young mother set her foot on the path of life. "Is this the long way? she asked. And the guide said: "yes, and the way is hard. And you will be old before you reach the end of it. But the end will be better than the beginning." But the young mother was happy, and she would not believe that anything could be better than these years. So she played with her children, and gathered flowers for them along the way, and bathed them in the clear streams; and the sun shone on them and the young Mother cried, "Nothing will ever be lovelier than this."

Then the night came and the storm, and the path was dark, and the children shook with fear and cold, and the mother drew them close and covered them with her mantle, and the children said, "Mother, we are not afraid, for you are near, and no harm can come." And the morning came, and there was a hill ahead, and the children climbed and grew weary, and the mother was weary. But at all times she said to the children, " A little patience and we are there." So the children climbed, and when they reached the top they said, "Mother, we would not have done it without you." And the mother, when she lay down at night looked up at the stars and said," This is a better day than the last, for my children have learned fortitude in the face of hardness. Yesterday I gave them courage. Today, I have given them strength."

And the next day came strange clouds which darkened the earth, clouds of war and hate and evil, and the children groped and stumbled, and the mother said: "Look up. Lift your eyes to the light." And the children looked and saw above the clouds an everlasting glory, and it guided them beyond the darkness. And that night the Mother said, "This is the best day of all, for I have shown my children God."

And the days went on, and the weeks and the months and the years, and the mother grew old and she was little and bent. But her children were tall and strong, and walked with courage. And when the way was rough, they lifted her, for she was as light as a feather; and at last they came to a hill, and beyond they could see a shining road and golden gates flung wide. And the mother said, "I have reached the end of my journey. And now I know the end is better than the beginning, for my children can walk alone, and their children after them. "And the children said, "You will always walk with us, Mother, even when you have gone through the gates." And they stood and watched her as she went on alone, and the gates closed after her.

And they said, "We cannot see her, but she is with us still. A Mother like ours is more than a memory. She is a living presence."

Your Mother is always with you. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take. She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you. Not time, not space...not even death.

SMILES

2008-05-03T19:45:00.000-07:00

Looking back over photographs and I smile at the happy faces of my family. I treasure each expression and am so thankful that we all belong together and that I see how each child clings to the other for comfort and support. For all the hectic and chaotic years of raising five children, I now see how rewarding it is to witness the bond that they have with each other. The days have been quiet for the past few weeks, as Ira and I settle into our mountain life. It's almost like the calm before the storm as I know once we commit to the new business ventures ahead it will be busy, busy. The weather has been perfect. I have been enjoying picking out plants for the porch and placing my many bird feeders. I truly have a bird sanctuary on my deck. The variety of birds amazes me. You would think they flew in from some pet store. I sit on my couch in the early morning with my books and coffee and just watch the show. I'm having a hard time with the big black crows that want to ruin everything. They swoop in and make a mess of the feeders, knocking everything over and scaring all the little guys away but I'm also sensitive that they want to eat also, so I leave them big chunks of bread and peanuts. So far it seems to be working.
Easy,peasy days that I know are coming to an end. Monday morning is the start of our new business so my writing might get pushed to the background. Until then.....

BACK HOME AGAIN

2008-04-30T19:12:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been so long. We ended our trials and tribulations in the South and have now settled back into our home in the mountains. We arrived a few weeks ago and after a few days of confusion and endless activity to try to carve some order out of it all, we did it!!! We had a whole household of STUFF to cram into any empty corner and the rest we put in a rented storage shed. The season lies before us and we will move into whatever God has lined up for us to do. Never, never did I see this time coming. When you are young you just don't foresee the future. You react in the present and you just do whatever it takes to keep the ball rolling. I guess I didn't expect that this shift in time and age would bring about another crossroad. But here we are and I really do feel very optimistic about it all. Ira and I are very much in love, we have five beautiful children that are in the throws of making it in this world, and most of all we have the love and protection of our God that is always with us in all our decisions, so it's all good.

Read the best book yesterday. The Shack by William Young. Such an amazing book. Kind of like a spiritual experience reading it. I cried, I laughed, I sat back and analyzed my beliefs. I felt closer to what God has been speaking to me these past few years; almost like a confirmation that I'm not crazy. It's been a long journey, taking the high road and being rejected by mainstream Christianity but I have to say I have never wavered or done anything contrary to who I am. This book was like a YES to my feelings of alienation from religion and it felt good. Ira has been out of town for several days and this is my time to retreat into the things that make me tick without any guilt. Very therapeutic!!!

First of the week we will both jump back into the working world and get busy with real estate and cars/stock market. New plan is to make a little more cash before we really drop out. I'm on the look out for a big chuck of land to build a self sufficient community with a restaurant on the property. We will know it, when we see it. A great way to tie the bow on the package!!

2008-04-09T06:13:00.001-07:00

FAREWELL TO FLORIDA

Well, we are packing it up and making all the last minute arrangements for our departure on Friday. I am having mixed feelings of anticipation and regret. There have been so many experiences that I've grown to love here in the deep south and leaving will not be as easy as I thought. I hope that next winter will bring new adventures, somewhere sunny and warm but at this point we don't know where that might be. For now, we know that we have a lot of work to do in the mountains. Both Ira and I are going to jump back into the work arena as retirement has become rather boring. We are up for anything so it should be interesting! Along with the ending of our three years in Tavares, we are also mourning the loss of our beloved Bess. After three weeks of indecision and living with the constant dread of knowing the inevitable, we just did it. The tumor had grown so large in her stomach that it was hard for her to lay down. She remained a trooper...still wagging her tail and walking, not running, to get her tennis ball. When she stopped eating, we knew we didn't have long. And so you make the journey to the vet and do the unthinkable. I've been through it once before and I don't think it ever gets easier. She went peacefully, almost a sigh of relief that her pain was over. I don't know if dogs go to heaven but I do know that Love is what life is made up of and she was deeply loved. If God can honor that Love for eternity, then I think our family will have a couple of wet kisses and hugs awaiting us when we arrive...maybe even a piercing stare from my very much loved iguana of eight years,Julius. I hope so.

Ira and I are really experiencing the empty nest. No kids, no animals....just the two of us. It seems so strange not to have something to fuss over. I think it takes some adjustment time to comprehend living your life as just two. In the past it seemed that every move we made had to be thought out and weighed against so many other people and pets. It's a bit liberating to think you can just decide and go. Since we are really not quite ready to go back yet, we might even just drop off our stuff and go to Hilton Head for a few weeks. Yeah, we can do that if we choose to. If we didn't have all this furniture to deal with, we would just go from here but this sale on the house came sooner than we expected.

So....off we go into the sunset!! I'll finish this at the other end.

ODE TO BESS

2008-03-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

EASTER MORNING 3-23-08

Still pitch black outside. Waiting for the big event.....the rising Son. All alone this year. Not all the excitement of past years where we were hurriedly making ham biscuits and coffee, trying to not be late for our sunrise boat ride on the lake with Bob and Sue. This year finds us in such a different circumstance. Just the two of us and somewhat disillusioned with the very unusual direction our life has taken. God help me to be content with what you are doing in our life at this time. I feel so burdened with all the change that's going on. It's not all happy change,in fact it's change that hurts. Our precious pooch Bess is dying before our eyes and I can barely handle it. A huge football size tumor in her lower abdomen. Yesterday I felt the shift that I guess I've inwardly known was coming. I felt the weight of that enormous tumor all day as if my waist had expanded and I'd gained 20lbs. She looked so uncomfortable as she trekked along with us to the beach. One last look at the ocean for all of us. In a matter of weeks we will be back in the mountains, with this part of our life here in Fla. remembered only in photographs. We had lunch at JP's Fish Camp and Bess laid so quiet on the concrete floor under my feet,lifting her head to a few little kids that stopped by to pet her. I fed her bits and pieces of my fish sandwich but her walk back to the car, tells me she's not up to par. It must be so uncomfortable with something that large sitting in your stomach. By the time we got home, she seemed to be moving so much slower. I gave her two pain pills and just laid with her, patting her head until she settled down on her bed of sofa cushions that Ira made for her. Now I wait this Easter morning for a miracle that I have to admit my weak faith is teetering on. I decided in the wee hours of the morning that all you have promised us God, is that you will be there with us THROUGH the difficult times. We pray so hard for you to remove the heavy weights that life deals to us but all you have really said is that you will be with us as we walk through them. God with us...that's it. The pain and suffering we must embrace. Embrace The Cross that song by Steve Green,has always been a favorite. I remember singing it to my sick iguana, Julius, years ago.

Just got a call at 7:35am from my baby boy, Ben, as I was sitting on the deck feeling very sad and weepy. What an Easter gift to me and so unusual to hear his voice so early. We talked for an hour. I cried, read him what I've written, cried,laughed, shared all that's going on in his life.....connected! Thanks God. I needed that on this Easter morning 2008.

HUNKERING DOWN IN BLOWING ROCK

2008-02-28T14:34:00.000-08:00

Well here we are back in the mountains for a change of pace. We left last Sunday and decided to break the trip up with a stop in Hilton Head. I had a real estate closing on Wed.that I really felt I needed to attend and also accepted the job of taking care of Josh's dog while he and Gabe take a trip to Calif. Had a wonderful overnight in Hilton Head. We made the rounds and checked out our old favorite places and spent two hours on the beach the next day. Trying to decide on winter spots and Hilton Head is a possibility as well as Anna Maria Island Fla. We left mid afternoon and arrived in Blowing Rock by early evening. It was a beautiful day with full sun shinning which is unusual for this time of year in the mountains......but we didn't have to wait too long for the crazy mountain weather to arrive as by the morning we were in the middle of a blizzard!!! Big winds and about 5 inches of snow and FREEZING!! Wasn't sure I was going to get to my closing on Wed. but all went smoothly and a very big check was deposited in my account this morning. We are now babysitting the dogs and visiting old friends we haven't seen in awhile. We are out of here on the 5th and back to the business of moving out of the Fla. house by the end of April. Still no definite sale on either house but several good possibility's that keep us hopeful.

Ira and I have decided to do another restaurant but are not sure if it will be north or south. Another decision that will be made within these next few months. We are planning the theme,food and decor and looking at various locations in the mountains and the beach. All is quiet on the home front. Ben is doing well in school,Gabe and Josh are off on their Calif. adventure and Bethany and Eli are working hard. Life continues to be a series of events that always have us wondering what God is up to. Just watched Oprah's show this afternoon on the fabulous mid-life and I have to agree. This can be the best years of your life but the key is coming to the awareness of who you really are. This is the time when you stop all the activity of the younger years and narrow it down to what your hearts desire is. A time to do what you love and accept yourself for the perfect child of God that you are. I think we live so busy most of our lives that when you reach this time of life, we fail to see it as a beautiful time of reflection and new beginnings. Anyway it was good to hear so many positive stories from our peers. I'm moving slowly...but I'm getting there!

2008-01-22T04:17:00.000-08:00

What has happened to the Blog????? Left out in the cold with too many other things demanding my time. Several others have been in the same rut......you know who you are!! Life is a big roller coaster at the moment and I guess I'm not up to recording it all, I save that for my journal. We are here in chilly Florida. The weather has not been very hot and sunny. We've had a few days but just as many cold and grey ones. Christmas has come and gone. We spent it in Orlando with Bethany this year and all but Eli flew in. She was decked out at her house and so we enjoyed a very carefree day. Beautiful tree and Christmas Eve service at her church and several days of a lot of cooking, eating, being together and saying thank you God for the one and only gift we'll ever need which is Jesus. We missed our Eli and Jill this year and hope that doesn't happen to often. They are busy with a new house and a new life and we understand. We're looking forward to this new year with a new direction for all of us. 2008 will be a banner year, I just know it!!!

Surge of uplifting thoughts fill me each morning as I begin my prayer time and the Holy Spirit whispers encouraging words that God if FOR SURE preparing something interesting this year that will lead us all into the path He's always known we will walk. So I'm trying to be patient as both houses are on the market. I feel like our life has a big For Sale sign on it but so far no takers. That could change any day which makes it kind of exciting as we wait.

I included a picture of my little squirrels that sit in the big oak tree near our deck. I'm not sure what happened to my birds. I always have a flock of them in my yard but this year they are very few and instead have an abundance of these little furry guys. I put out peanuts for them every morning and sit and watch their antics. Caught that photo of mom and dad or maybe brother and sister or maybe just friends, waiting for the goods. Whether it's birds or squirrels, cat or dogs, even the scary alligator...animals give me such pleasure. Can't bear the thought of harm coming to them and have such a protective feeling for them; also abused children. That's my weak spot in this life and often wonder if that area is where I should focus. When the dust settles from all this house, job children leaving the nest drama, I do pray that God is leading Ira and I into something more serving for 2008. I'm quite sick of running to satisfy our appetites. Life not centered on God is purposeless and meaningless. The first half has been producing a family and what a great responsibility and hard work that has been, but the labor from beginning to end is over and there is something ahead that is not yet clear...and so we wait. My word for 2008 is SURRENDER.

2007-12-17T15:18:00.000-08:00

Well, we're back in sunny but freezing Florida. It was in the 30's last night and feels like home that's for sure. The night before we were on a tornado warning with heavy rain and wind very close to our town. So whats up with this weather?? I'm hoping it will warm up this week but I'm sure many floridians are welcoming this cool change. Ben and Gabe will be flying in on Saturday as we all get ready to begin the big count down. Not doing too much this year. We will do a Christmas Eve service at Bethany's church and then our Christmas dinner at her house the next day. We will miss Eli and Jill very much but they have so much on their plate this year that I think it's best they stay close to home. All went smooth with the closing on their new house, both got new cars and new jobs so Christmas came early for them. The rest of us are looking for jobs, cars and homes as we move into 2008. Ira and I are rethinking our move to this part of Florida and will spend the next few weeks investigating some new areas farther south. Both of our homes in N.C. and Fla. are currently on the market so we are at a place in our life where we are really seeking God's will for the future. We have enjoyed our semi retirement somewhat but realize you have to stay busy to be happy. I think I may have convinced Ira to do one more restaurant...just a little one....it will be fun!! So far he's listening, so if we find the right spot, it's a go. Will keep you posted, I know there is a change a coming. In the mean time we will put all of our cares aside and enjoy this blessed time to be with the ones we love the most, our family and friends. It's a time to appreciate all the many blessings God has bestowed on us over all these years. This past year has been one of the most trying for Ira and I as we seek to make some changes in our lives but I read somewhere that when a positive move is made, an obstruction is met. The question then is, will the challenge dismay and discourage you? When you go beyond just looking at your circumstances and rely on the Life within, it's not so hard to remain steadfast. Whatever happens, stand in your full spiritual stature and deny everything that is not of God. Nothing will then have power over you except God's perfect will. This Christmas is a time to say thank you God that you have created us to co-exist in this world with you by our side. Can't imagine it any other way. So Christ life wishes to all as we contemplate the only Gift we will ever need....Jesus!!

CHILLY DECEMBER DAYS

2007-12-07T18:03:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile. Too much junk going on!! This picture of my soon to be daughter in law, sums it up as to how I feel. Anxious to begin the trek to Fla. just to break the monotony. Ira and I have decided retirement is not for us, at least not yet. We are off to find the journey that will lead us into this next phase of life. We will probably leave next week and go with anticipation that the Lord will reveal His perfect will for the future. We are thinking of starting up another little restaurant either here in the mountains or Fla. Since it is the beginning of the frigid weather here, we might as well give Fla. first choice. Have my eye on a few places. Put our house on the market in Tavares and will wait to see what transpires. So far , no offers but it's only been a few weeks. Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was a good thing to have all of the family together since this Christmas it will not be so. Eli and Jill will be in Pa. Gabe and Ben will fly to Fla. on the 22nd and for a change we will be having Christmas at Bethany's house. Everything is a little different this year and I'm trying to see that as a good thing. Change rocks our boats but sometimes it's necessary. Growth comes from moving out of our comfort zone and being willing to embrace the unknown. My Thanksgiving prayer this year was the fact that God is most assuredly with us. I am deeply thankful for that.

As I write this Eli and Jill are setting up house in Pittsburgh. They closed on their house yesterday and I can only imagine all that is going on tonight. Been there done that!!! Pray that they are keeping cool and calm in the midst of all that overwhelms them. I wish them love and laughter and music. Just put your favorite music on and it will all be OK!! And Ben is doing the same thing except with his roomie, Jordan in Wilmington. We hooked up the trailer Wed. and loaded up all the extras we had laying around, as in beds, lamps,dishes,towels,etc. and off we went on the 6 hour drive to coastal N.C to move him into his new house. It was sweet. Tiny little house but they love it and are planning to STUDY HARD, and create some beautiful music and grow up into the fine young men I know they will become. Our last hurrah was filling their fridge up, house blessings, kisses and hugs and that chapter was closed. Back on the road, getting home about midnight. With so many people in the family I am finding it very hard to detach. My heart is always with each one. We have our own life to concentrate on and it seems to always get pushed way back because their lives always take the forefront. Sometimes you feel like you're drowning. I really think this might be the year that we break through and everyone walks their own walk and we all meet in the middle. I want that.

PROUD MAMA

2007-11-15T11:03:00.000-08:00

Today we actually had snow flurries and I am not liking that at all. Been busy getting all of Ira's inventory of cars sold and were a bit excited to learn that we have two showings today on our house in Florida. We had decided last week that we feel it would be better to let go of that house and invest in something different and lo and behold our neighbor realtor called us out of the blue and so it came to be. We think we still want to be in a warmer climate during the winter but not sure where. I will miss the beautiful sunsets but not the alligators!! Every year we would have one or two ominous looking creatures get very close to our shoreline and I was a basket case worrying about our pooch. This view is what it was all about. Every evening at sunset we would race down to our friends house or on to the boat and have cocktail hour in a setting that is hard to beat. So here it is and also a cute picture of two of my handsome boys, Ben and Gabe. They are in the white shirts looking oh so cool, with two of their friends. Also my sweet girl Bethany taken this summer on an outing with her grandparents. Sorry Popi, that I cut you off. I just wanted a good shot of Bethany. Looking forward to her visit in a few weeks.

Eli's First House

2007-11-13T08:43:00.000-08:00

Well here it is! My
little boy has purchased his first home and we are all
very excited and proud of his accomplishments.
They are so excited and it is just the perfect fit for them. I even love the front door. So many new experiences await them as they begin these years together. I expect a wedding in the near future. Seems like we did it the other way around but they have a plan and I'm not interfering. All of us will gather here in the mountains for Thanksgiving. Wanted to include a picture of what this fabulous Fall looked like from my porch. I replaced my Spring photo with a Fall to give you an idea of how much the view changes. The colors were truly stunning. I think it was the best in a long time. The cool air is slowly creeping in. Turned up the heat last night and got out the big down comforters for the beds. Hope to be out of here before the second snowfall. The first is always magical but after that I'm ready to roll. Who knows maybe this Christmas we will all be making a trip to Pittsburgh. In our crazy family you never know what's around the corner. Chow

NOVEMBER DAZE

2007-11-13T08:31:00.000-08:00

Been so very slack with my blog. Seems like there are always things to do and I get my writing fix in the mornings with my journal. That is one area that I am faithful in and am trying to do the same with this blog but it's slow going. So many things behind me now. Meetings, dinners, appointments get together's that were on the calender and were causing me stress are all done with. Hate to look at it that way but I operate better when the calender is clear and I can do as I please. Not very often!!! Yesterday was my beautiful son Josh's birthday. He is the ripe old age of 33 and told me this morning that he would rather be counting backward, as I'm sure we all would. Wish I could be there in sunny Florida to give him a big hug and to wish him well on this important day. He was the beginning of my walk with the Lord. A severely colicky baby that literally drove me to my knees asking God for mercy before I threw him out the window!! Instead God lovingly reached down and touched my heart with His love and patience and showed me that there was so much more to life than my discomfort in the moment. I was truly born again and have never been the same since. Even though there are and always will be rocky times, life just keeps getting better and better. So thank you Josh for being the spark that lit the fire that was smoldering in me all those years. Also not to forget Ben's big #20 on the 6th of Nov. The above photos were from a very simple but loving family dinner we had for him last week. His big surprise was an effects pedal for his guitar. He is taking his music to new levels and we are all anxiously looking forward to hearing some serious jamming over the holiday. Both Josh and Ben have written some new songs and are excited to play them for us. This year is going to be a bit different in that the men are cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Jill and I will be leaving early TK morning to pick up Bethany from the airport. It's a two hour drive so four hours total for the trip. Works well for me. The girls will be on clean up and look forward to what my talented chefs in the family come up with. Anticipation is high!!!

2007-10-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

Fall In The Mountains

2007-10-17T13:35:00.000-07:00

What a busy month October has been. Between remodeling our house,showing property and a constant stream of visitors, we have really been running. Our friends from Michigan, Bob and Ali, arrived Sat. afternoon and we began a fun weekend of catching up, eating, hiking, bike riding the Virginia Creeper Trail and more eating! Lots of fun but I am exhausted and ready to get back to normal. The air is turning cool and the leaves are starting to change. It has been such a wonderful summer even though I know we need the rain. Just a few more weeks and we will be packing it up to head south. I'm already feeling sad and not quite as anxious to leave. I do look forward to seeing two of my children that live there so that thought keeps me moving. For now I will relish every moment and bloom where I'm planted. Putting the finishing touches on the house so we can get it on the market. Tomorrow is painting day in the downstairs apt. Will include some recent pics of our weekend. It was Bob's birthday and Monday night we had a little dinner party for him. We crammed as much as we could in those few days and it was FUN.

Let Us Enter Into Ourselves....Time Presses!

2007-09-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Maintain your abiding place! That is my thought this morning. It has been a very frenzied week with many things going on in various directions. After coming into the revelation of the Rest, I am constantly quickened when I sense my self slipping back to that place of control. I at least am getting sensitive to it. I only feel happy and content when I am resting in the shadow of you Lord. Help me to not move about so much and just rest in your perfect supply.

I think I will try to find a Glow Baby. I remember there was something like that years ago. A doll that lights up with a warm glow when you hug it or push a button. I just felt that glow of the Spirit and it reminded me of it. Such a near and dear comfort God has given us in the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit Glow.

Poem by Denise Levertov....one of my favorites

Your secret was not the craftsman's delight in process,
which doesn't distinguish work from pleasure.
Your way was not to exalt nor avoid the Adamic legacy,
you simply made it irrelevant;
everything faded thinned to nothing, beside the light
which bathed and warmed the Presence your being
had opened to. Where it shone, there life was and
abundantly; it touched your dullest task and the task
was easy, joyful, absorbed.
You practiced the presence of God as a musician practices
hour after hour his art; A stone before the carver, you
entered into yourself.

Beautiful!!!

Diming Of The Day

2007-09-18T20:19:00.000-07:00

Just had a feeling that I wanted to describe and then said, no, I can't describe it. I then picked up a book and turned to this poem by Kitty Crenshaw for a friend of hers and it spoke it perfectly.

Obscurity is the final phase

The hidden are those chosen then released.

They wear no garnish amid reality, no fame,

they serve unobtrusively without the noise of fame.

Yet peace burns through them like a flame.

Amazing Spirit....this is Kitty's description of ministry:

"I will help you carry that for while until you are strong enough, until you have found the ground of your being, until you understand this ever greater opening up to love. I will walk with you through this until the time comes when you can carry your cross alone.

It cost God everything and it couldn't cost us any less. I have learned that life is a joyful dance, but we must have the courage and the hunger to step into the dance. God is the dancer. Are we going to let Him dance us any way He wants, any time, any place?? It hurts sometimes but it's part of the dance and it hurts much more if we resist."

And our lives finally begin to speak.

You are awesome God. I appreciate so much what I see you are doing in others. I have no idea what you're doing in me.

OUR OVERNIGHT AT LAKE LURE

2007-09-18T16:52:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning, up bright and early and off on an adventure. We have planned a short but sweet meet up with our dear friends and neighbors from Fla. who are spending a few months in Tenn. We decided to meet half way and both arrived around noon. Our destination was The Lodge At Lake Lure. It is a gem of a place tucked in the woods overlooking the incredibly beautiful Lake Lure. Situated about an hour from Asheville in a serene setting you almost feel like you are in an Adirondack lodge. I had packed a picnic lunch of cold salmon, chicken and cheese and crackers and of course a good bottle of wine. We opted to have our picnic on the deck of the boathouse while we waited for the 3:00 pm check in. It couldn't have been a more perfect day as you can see in the pics. Happy hour in the living room, dinner in town and a gourmet breakfast the next morning and our get away was coming to an end. One perfect day on this mountain lake.

Rambling

2007-09-13T18:31:00.000-07:00

Weird night. Just watched the next to the last episode of Big Brother and I'm sad. I really was pulling for good vs. evil and once again I'm let down. Just shake my head and get the inner words of "you're in this world but not of it." Why does the negative image always prevail????
Such a bad message to the world but seems to be the one that on the surface prevails. I admit that I get discouraged from time to time but it doesn't make a dent in what I believe is true and good in this world. I just see that you have to have faith in who you are and believe in a God that has indwelled man and Stand, no matter what you see in the visable. It's hard. I know it's silly to even see that divison in a reality show but man......that evil Dick was the end all of a bad guy. He made my skin crawl!!! So of course he and his daughter are the big winners. They were the best players and so you have to give them that. Best player wins.......get over it.

On to more important things. Leaving on an overnight to Lake Lure. Trying to add a picture of our day on the farm with our friends in Ashe County. They just bought an amazing piece of the world. 40 acres and a little farm house in God's country. I'm getting the feeling that this might be the new surge. Find a spot of ground you can claim and build your world. If you're looking, let me know, I'll find you you're special space.

Bass Lake

2007-09-09T19:47:00.000-07:00

My favorite time of the day is early evening when I take Bess for her daily walk around the lake. I call her my personal trainer, as she doesn't allow me any slack in the exercise department. Sometimes I'm too tired and want to take a break but her disappointed look with leash hanging out of her mouth turns me to mush. I know it's the only thing she looks forward to everyday so how can I let her down. I'm always thankful when I'm there, as Bass Lake is incredibly beautiful with 25 miles of trails through rhododendron forests that meander along the Blue Ridge Parkway. The quaint little town of Blowing Rock is just a few miles down the road. I'll try to get some pictures of our town to post. Boone is only 8 miles down the mountain and we're all still celebrating our big win last week......Appalachian State against University of Michigan.!!! So proud.